Wednesday, December 29, 2010
*psychedelic music plays here*
People here speak codes! And with my recent comeback fascination with computers, they're like people speaking different languages with different linguistics/grammatical structures and i can barely understand my own mode of speak.
And having learnt the idea that there are ways to define our reality than just a universal....overlaid with different cultures, different norms, different idiosyncrasies, different dress codes, different accents, exposures, experiences, financial background................. There is no single behavior to assimilate into your personality that makes you appeal to the universe.
The question i'm posing is more philosophical than societal.
Lucky, in the 21st century, we have the information age. We have data, we have answers!
YET...
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I will scratch my head, i will die trying to find those answers.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Pursuit of Happiness - Narcissism
I don't know where to begin... and though themes like these have been running through my mind everyday, hinted at in every post..... i'm taking time out of aimlessly seeking "empty" goals which i will continue in a while right after finishing this... feeling that it is absolutely necessary to type this post.
and from this point forth, it will branch off in different directions at the processing speed of my brain and not up to my self-willingness and self-censoring...
narcissism...from some, they point to Facebook that stem
s this current episode of obssession with the self...and wow, i'm not just pointing to camwhoring or updating your status and wall, broadcasting a msg about your current depression in bidding hope that someone out that spends a second glancing past it.... narcissism reeks everywhere, cos i'm guilty of it too...it reeks from this blog...like my rationalization to myself is that i'm doing this to get it out of my system, but really just an attempt for attention..
maybe FB is responsible, but really?? narcissism a source of positive energy?? to a point, it drives ppl to do more, be more ambitious, less satisfied....snapping pictures of their travels.... working harder than ever to build a body of adonis.....working so hard to score a high gpa...
Evan was telling me, the effort spend on achieving such feats AMONGST tough competition isn't that worth it....the amount of work you'll have to do to get from a B+ to an A- strongly surpasses the amount of work you have to do to just get a B+....
in hacker ethic, that is just repetitive...like doing 200 pushups a day for that body, for? a good body really begets confidence? oh really? more ego validation from ppl around you, yes...but not definitely more confidence... i'm not judging anybod
y...just trying to shake your mentality a little, help you reflect a little, maybe rationalize to myself a little... cos certainly, at the age of 21, i'm chasing these pursuits as well.... girls, salsa and maybe even working my body a little now and then....and being really insecure about my time management issues and my grades...
i'm not perfect.....chasing perfection, while some are seemingly able to handle multiple ccas, a business, a girlfriend, a inhuman gpas...under what kind of "bloodlust" enchantment are they under?
and then theres creativity....being natural and being effortless....Facebook, being a byproduct of mark zuckerberg's obsession with network systems and social life...a mere extent of their creativity... it wasn't money that was the impetus behind facebook but just a sideproject...
then again theres practice....according to gladwell, to churn out a guitar solo only hendrix is capable of in that moment of brilliance is a matter of long hours of harnessing ability and a string of seemingly unrelated circumstances....
and surprisingly enough...counter-culture, zen, existentialism, idealism...etc....writing and blogging (7-8 yrs? now?)i never took pride in doing this.....and now salsa and perhaps pick-up leading to a greater awareness and self-discovery....conversations too?..i was ashamed that i turned to writing, such huge word-counts that nobody reads...
only to realise.....something similar to graffiti artists, hackers, rock musicians, dancers, athletes, pornstars, actors...having to output all this heavy activity running in the forebrain...to paint a picture, to wander and uncover the depths and mysteries of computer signals, to materialise a melody, to express movement through the body, to uncover hidden potentials, the next wildest sexual performance, to embody the soul of their characters.....to cast these aside is to remain paralysed, a vegetable......acknowledging the heavy activity in the brain to a DoS attack... and like dogs, simply having the urge to chase cars and marking territory with pee...because it matters to them?...a meaning towards their existence..
- not an alchemical emblem
Friday, December 17, 2010
#5 SALSA THE MOVIE - FANIA ALL STARS (LIVE AT THE YANKEE STADIUM)
Cha cha cha SANTANA!
like every guitarist in the 70s opens his mouth while playing....from santana to jimi hendrix..
santana in the 21st century doesn't open his mouth..because he has funny teeth as you can see in this vid
Thursday, December 9, 2010
STYLE without SUBSTANCE
its time to head out tomorrow....and enough of stalling around wasting my time and mojo
having the feeling of an "accomplished motivated individual" has dissipated in me....
I'M SO LAZY!!!
from now on, its work work work work work...no more reveling in that emotional limbo that takes over too often.
whether to keep myself occupied or for validation...to flick all those switches is better than nothing.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I'm an atheist, but....
i think i've got not much choice but to say it here...hmm...and its not that anyone could understand...
i live my life today thinking that any outcome is entirely dependent on my personal choices...
but challenging societal limitations is one thing, putting your life in the hands of another when you have absolutely no choice is another....
moments before i realised how disappointing i was, how i did not DARE to even take a step forward... when everything else up to that point had turned out EXACTLY the way i had always hoped moments before i fall asleep or on the way to school......at least for the entire duration of the exam period, and maybe sometime before...
SERENDIPITY
i am possibly one of the minority that never expect for things to fall into place nicely...simply because most of the time it doesn't...and you risk disappointment and sleepless nights just hoping and waiting instead of acting on it...
but when it DOES happen..."is this for REAL??"....you doubt that it could ever happen to you...and here comes a cycle of self-defeating mentality to stop success from ever happening...
STILL, everything is within your control...psychological battles can be conquered...
Logistics?......sigh....not so much...logistics in the world of pick-up is the fog-of-war in battles... this must be the worst logistical outcome EVER..
she makes everything sound so easy...like nothing bad could possibly happen....but listening to the stories from my friend about everything that could go wrong...
this could only serve as a reminder to everyone in future, always take your chances and face failure than to give up..
all the best.... :(
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Lost in exam transaction...
Noel Gallagher then had this to say about the song's lyrical content on the band's official website:
"Some of the lyrics were written when I was out of it. There's the words: 'Someday you will find me/ Caught beneath a landslide/ ln a Champagne Supernova in the sky'. That's probably as psychedelic as I'll ever get. It means different things when I'm in different moods. When I'm in a bad mood being caught beneath a landslide is like being suffocated. The song is a bit of an epic. It's about when you're young and you see people in groups and you think about what they did for you and they did nothing. As a kid, you always believed the Sex Pistols were going to conquer the world and kill everybody in the process. Bands like The Clash just petered out. Punk rock was supposed to be the revolution but what did it do? Fuck all. The Manchester thing was going to be the greatest movement on earth but it was fuck all. When we started we decided we weren't going to do anything for anybody, we just thought we'd leave a bunch of great songs. But some of the words are about nothing. One is about Bracket The Butler who used to be on Camberwick Green, or Chipley or Trumpton or something. He used to take about 20 minutes to go down the hall. And then I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with 'hall' apart from 'cannonball'. so I wrote 'Slowly walking down the hall/ Faster than a cannonball' and people were like, 'Wow, fuck , man'. There's also the line 'Where were you while we were getting high?' because that's what we always say to each other. But the number of people who've started clubs called Champagne Supernova is fucking unbelievable. And the album isn't even released yet."
Cedalion standing on the shoulders of Orion from Blind Orion Searching for the Rising Sun by Nicolas Poussin, 1658, Oil on canvas; 46 7/8 x 72 in. (119.1 x 182.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art
"Standing on the Shoulders of Giants"
"Some of the lyrics were written when I was out of it. There's the words: 'Someday you will find me/ Caught beneath a landslide/ ln a Champagne Supernova in the sky'. That's probably as psychedelic as I'll ever get. It means different things when I'm in different moods. When I'm in a bad mood being caught beneath a landslide is like being suffocated. The song is a bit of an epic. It's about when you're young and you see people in groups and you think about what they did for you and they did nothing. As a kid, you always believed the Sex Pistols were going to conquer the world and kill everybody in the process. Bands like The Clash just petered out. Punk rock was supposed to be the revolution but what did it do? Fuck all. The Manchester thing was going to be the greatest movement on earth but it was fuck all. When we started we decided we weren't going to do anything for anybody, we just thought we'd leave a bunch of great songs. But some of the words are about nothing. One is about Bracket The Butler who used to be on Camberwick Green, or Chipley or Trumpton or something. He used to take about 20 minutes to go down the hall. And then I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with 'hall' apart from 'cannonball'. so I wrote 'Slowly walking down the hall/ Faster than a cannonball' and people were like, 'Wow, fuck , man'. There's also the line 'Where were you while we were getting high?' because that's what we always say to each other. But the number of people who've started clubs called Champagne Supernova is fucking unbelievable. And the album isn't even released yet."
Cedalion standing on the shoulders of Orion from Blind Orion Searching for the Rising Sun by Nicolas Poussin, 1658, Oil on canvas; 46 7/8 x 72 in. (119.1 x 182.9 cm), Metropolitan Museum of Art
"Standing on the Shoulders of Giants"
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
You Can Live Free
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes.The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
...While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
...While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
- Apple
and in addition to this, the Pareto principle which states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects comes from 20% of the causes.
And this, is regarded by some people to be a natural occurrence. 80% of the wealth is shared by 20% of the population. Even within the top 10 richest men, according to wikipedia, Warren Buffett, mexican business guy and bill gates own more money than the proceeding 7. 80% sales comes from 20% of clients. And 20% from this 100% of clients, whether they contribute to your 80% of sales or not, would also cause 80% of trouble and wasting 80% of your time and effort. 20% of your employees does 80% of the work. And 80% of the employees cost the company the most time & money. 20% of pea pods contain 80% of the peas in the garden. 80% of errors and crashes are removed when 20% of the bugs are fixed as recorded by Microsoft. 80% of products produce in the factory line may be inferior in quality, where 20% pass quality control.
It is saddening to know that 80% of the world remains in poverty and live without a proper shelter over their heads. Only 20% of local students of every age demographic make it to singapore universities. Apparently, out of 10 soldiers in my 2MT bionix vehicle. 8 of them are men, 2 of them, 1 section commander and 1 vehicle commander. Guess what? i'm a commander only because i came from a JC which accounts for 20% of the o level grads.
The 8 men had lower educational qualifications such as ITE or school drop outs. But within some of them, are also some of the most(perhaps 20% of ppl i know) socially charismatic and determined individuals i've ever met...
The POINT i'm trying to make is....even within SMU, there is NO POINT trying to compete for that 20% spots of academically successful when the other 80% of your life is neglected and suffers.
Only 20% of the people are truly happy and able t
o manage their lives. No matter how much of your perceived judgement, or reality, or people around you...(perhaps only 20% of that judgement is accurate)...the same 20% also faces 80% of their challenges, and it isn't because life runs smoothly for them either.
Undercut the bigger better deal, the rich, the smart,......like Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates(its easy to imagine how he would match up to the professors that you would fall asleep listening to. Certainly that nasal monotonous voice would not get him anywhere with girls..) are socially awkward.....compete by acknowledging their gifted areas.
Only 20% of the girls you meet will be attracted to you, while 20%
of these will fuck you. Only 20% of all the ppl you consider friends are really your friends. Just open your eyes 20% of who you are, is really fun, exciting and spontaneous while 80% of that remains buried deep in mediocrity.
Only 20% of the people you run into in life, acknowledge who you really are....and in your eyes, they truly "sparkle".......like edward cullen in Twilight...
Do cherish them before they flutter away.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
THAT WAS PATHETIC
i do not have the time..for any self-deprecation..so straight to the pt..
3 punishments to be executed as a fight against my ego...Ego, i will trample all over you...you and your neediness, insecurities, and denial...
- slap love-interest
- hug love-interest
- ok whatever...pull her hair.
it was just 3 things of the top of my mind...
Don't let your neediness and hesitation get in the way of your craft. This package that i embody was meant for tribulation, that 'I' sits detached of this package....
I WAS A FUCKING LOSER
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Long Overdue
i tried my best, but i couldn't sleep....rather than fight it, some magazines would advise...stop forcing sleep and do something worthwhile a little bit until i start feeling tired...
since the last milestone........back at the start of july i guess....in contrast, everything so far has been mundane...not exactly mundane, the slight tease that i receive every other day...and not that i haven't had moments created where i was forced to think on my feet...
still i was sharing with my buddies like 2 weeks ago, i've got so much to be happy about....i'm just bored that i'm no longer doing "bad" things...not much thrill....not thinking of chasing short-term gains...rather i'm fearing for my long-term school performance..sigh...WHAT A DRAG!
and while i really want to do well in school, my grades are not looking bright at the moment...i thought i could balance my life..but no, it has just relegated girls to..."hardly have the time to even think about it"....let alone try to make a move....
from the way i see it......ppl come and go....i would make it click, at the spur of the moment, within a matter of weeks...instead, i sit around and wait.....sometimes making half-hearted attempts.....putting ppl in a loose situation, not making ends meet.....all because of chasing schoolwork that never seem to end if you spend full attention to produce fine work.
to forsake all the amazing opportunities such as partying, getting a side job to earn some cash, travelling overseas, skydiving, more exploration for the sake of schoolwork?.....that just seem like the perfect singaporean thing to do....and i can't run away from it..FUCK
and the problem here...the problem with me.....time-management....i shouldn't be blaming schoolwork, cos i wasn't at optimal productivity either back then...i must have reached this conclusion a billion times in my life before...
time-management is the test of a real man...without it, makes one look like a loser no matter what pathetic skills one may have... what fear one has overcomed, or how much his balls have grown...
because coincidentally, like fear, a man has to face time!!!!!........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh kill me already!!!!!!!
hahahha.....some of you reading this would probably be laughing to fits...it would be like me looking at an obese friend and not being able to understand why he can't just eat less, eat healthy and spend some time doing some exercise everyweek... or like looking at how most pppl cannot just walk up to a stranger and just open their mouths....
the challenge like all past challenges is simple....just do it....make it a lifestyle...
since the last milestone........back at the start of july i guess....in contrast, everything so far has been mundane...not exactly mundane, the slight tease that i receive every other day...and not that i haven't had moments created where i was forced to think on my feet...
still i was sharing with my buddies like 2 weeks ago, i've got so much to be happy about....i'm just bored that i'm no longer doing "bad" things...not much thrill....not thinking of chasing short-term gains...rather i'm fearing for my long-term school performance..sigh...WHAT A DRAG!
and while i really want to do well in school, my grades are not looking bright at the moment...i thought i could balance my life..but no, it has just relegated girls to..."hardly have the time to even think about it"....let alone try to make a move....
from the way i see it......ppl come and go....i would make it click, at the spur of the moment, within a matter of weeks...instead, i sit around and wait.....sometimes making half-hearted attempts.....putting ppl in a loose situation, not making ends meet.....all because of chasing schoolwork that never seem to end if you spend full attention to produce fine work.
to forsake all the amazing opportunities such as partying, getting a side job to earn some cash, travelling overseas, skydiving, more exploration for the sake of schoolwork?.....that just seem like the perfect singaporean thing to do....and i can't run away from it..FUCK
and the problem here...the problem with me.....time-management....i shouldn't be blaming schoolwork, cos i wasn't at optimal productivity either back then...i must have reached this conclusion a billion times in my life before...
time-management is the test of a real man...without it, makes one look like a loser no matter what pathetic skills one may have... what fear one has overcomed, or how much his balls have grown...
because coincidentally, like fear, a man has to face time!!!!!........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh kill me already!!!!!!!
hahahha.....some of you reading this would probably be laughing to fits...it would be like me looking at an obese friend and not being able to understand why he can't just eat less, eat healthy and spend some time doing some exercise everyweek... or like looking at how most pppl cannot just walk up to a stranger and just open their mouths....
the challenge like all past challenges is simple....just do it....make it a lifestyle...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Game Theory
Game Theory - "an individual's success in making choices depends on the choices of others"
not engaging in the social arms race and undercutting the bigger better deal
not engaging in the social arms race and undercutting the bigger better deal
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tony said: Mr. Speaker, if I may just finish with two brief remarks—first to the House. I have never pretended to be a great House of Commons man, but I pay the House the greatest compliment I can by saying that, from first to last, I never stopped fearing it. The tingling apprehension that I felt at three minutes to 12 today I felt as much 10 years ago, and every bit as acute. It is in that fear that the respect is contained.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
STOP PLAYING GAMES ALREADY....
arghhghhhhhh.....i'm so mad....sometimes if a guy..... if I, WILL STOP PLAYING STUPID GAMES...and beat around the bush... if i was a girl, i would be mad at me too....
the way i see it, theres only one way with these things....only up and never down...if not you're just bringing ppls hopes up for nothing...and you end up being perceived as a jerk.
oh well...
stupid conversations... totally unnecesssary..
the way i see it, theres only one way with these things....only up and never down...if not you're just bringing ppls hopes up for nothing...and you end up being perceived as a jerk.
oh well...
stupid conversations... totally unnecesssary..
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The social arms race..................
Somewhere underneath the beautiful face is an ugliness waiting to be uncovered...
joker was so right about the world....
no more empty promises this time...i need to break more barriers before i face the biggest challenge yet...no more holding back...no more being a singaporean... i gotta find something more ridiculously difficult before it starts to matter...
Friday, August 6, 2010
Every Singaporean Son (Episode 5: How Far?)
i never imagine myself to be saying this, but the SAF probably has one of the best reality series..LOL
this was episode 5.... catch the rest here http://www.youtube.com/user/cyberpioneertv
this was where we left off for 2 years, all the fun and emotional trials...and it felt like it never even existed because ppl don't even talk about it now...and it'll never be enough to just breach the surface..
its like this time lapse between JC and uni that was so long and painful but felt like a dream....
where these 2 years of "experience" was uploaded only into the brain of males....that this part of it only exist in the male population.....and girls they'll never get to see it or imagine it or even had to think about it, being excluded from seomthing that was beyond their comprehension, and transit smoothly on with "normal" life.... while we face this long arduous detour..
like their friends, boyfriends "vanished" from the face of the planet..... underground, area 51 or something.. and nobody remembers..
Thursday, August 5, 2010
In Bloom
theres not much to look for for motivation in life....and with this long list of expectations of myself and the expectation of others... i just can't falter my life away....
i abashedly admit though, that i am one of the most laziest, unreliable, unpuntual person amongst most of the ppl i know of...(hahah..i did see worst though)...to the point that ppl sometimes perceive me as living in a world of my own...
fortunately, i have these puffy clouds by the horizon that i absolutely cannot not have...or back a few years ago, i would have never thought of subduing this blue whale..
got........to......CONQUER!....... starting.......NOW!
i abashedly admit though, that i am one of the most laziest, unreliable, unpuntual person amongst most of the ppl i know of...(hahah..i did see worst though)...to the point that ppl sometimes perceive me as living in a world of my own...
fortunately, i have these puffy clouds by the horizon that i absolutely cannot not have...or back a few years ago, i would have never thought of subduing this blue whale..
got........to......CONQUER!....... starting.......NOW!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Pushing the Envelop
A little affirmation/mantra that i live by that drives my mind to do some ridiculous feats...(ridiculous in the context of conventional wisdom..)....is the highly uncontainable urge that spills over and envelops my mind until it becomes too great tat i have to seek and SEE the answer before my eyes... that need sometimes turns into a monster of desperation that tugs at my heart so hard it just becomes impossible to ignore..
it isn't just about quenching some intellectual puzzling bleh&@(*&# that stems from boredom.(well partly boredom.. and having too much time in my hands)....its also in an emotional, self-actualisation kind of way..
accepting 21 years of what the world and the general consensus perceives and allowing these social boundaries that never ever really existed but was propped up within the past few 100 years out of fear...the same fear that sheeps have...the mentality that the herd is always right, but almost always usually wrong..
Yes, I'm delusional. Somehow i feel like i'm amongst the league of Copernicus and Galileo....that the hardest part is not about accepting that Earth is not a flat disk but round, and that the sun is in the middle of the solar system. But convincing the rest of the world that the centuries of conventional wisdom in its entirety not merely plain pathetic but criminally wrong.
Quoting Will Smith..... "Being realistic is the most commonly travelled road to mediocrity"....that entering a room and flipping a switch so that the lights come on is UNREALISTIC.....that folding piles of metal into a cylinder that people sit in to be flown across the oceans is UNREALISTIC.....
My hope is that while the few of us do eventually excavate the liberties from the ignorance....hopefully the rest of mankind will slowly follow suit and grow to accept what a better world this could be..........................................or NOT......then it'll just be a better world for myself..*rubbing palms*.....all you ppl stuck in your little crevices....i'll just turn lead into gold in my very own basement.. o.O
Also, a big thank you to everyone who has supported me on this ongoing journey so far...you know who you are... and really, part of the reason that keeps me going is not to disappoint all of you...feeling like its an inseperable resposibility that i have to bear to lead the group... The irony about your ego is, that it could be your greatest obstacle and also your greatest motivational force.
Well, a simple example would be this. You see the hottest prettiest girl standing before you...
A) Don't approach her, don't get rejected, your ego never gets broken....your ego protects you by thinking "Oh well, i'm still quite a cool guy....what hot girl???"
B) I gotta do this, if i don't, i'm a pussy and a loser. I'm cool and this girl will be mine, now i just have to prove it. Your ego will never allow you, most importantly YOU to view yourself as a pussy or a loser or both.
And if you geeks out there need to know about the scientific explanation for this....
Dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical compound that triggers/maintains your learning and motivational systems. It provides an emotional feedback either positively or negatively with every action that you do. It rewards you with a positive emotion when you try something out for the first time and it delivers smoothly with no hiccups, you are motivated to do it again next time. The more you do it each time, positive emotions get triggered...the more it becomes a part of you. The inverse is also true, like cracking a lame joke and nobody laughs. You stop doing it. And thats how you learn, thru right or wrong.
Then again, all that above is within the sub-conscious...blah blah..our conscious mind has to be above all that and accept failure..blah blah...not repeating the same mistakes does not mean quitting entirely.
Don't give up. We, our egos seldom realise the quantum leaps that we make during the learning process until we discover a breakthrough(sort of like an orgasm...). What i mean is that, even though you've made vast improvements, your ego remains yet-to-be validated....until you actually reap the rewards.
Its like, when you invest $2000 in a stock, even though you see it grow in value each day, you never really feel like the money is yours, like you just threw some money away... until you finally sell it 5 years later, and you have $4000... you get to finally abuse it.
I shall end here, yet another long rambling post packed with all the juicy fruity goodness!
-----------------------
"I just found out theres no such thing as the real world, just a lie you've got to rise above." - John Mayer
it isn't just about quenching some intellectual puzzling bleh&@(*&# that stems from boredom.(well partly boredom.. and having too much time in my hands)....its also in an emotional, self-actualisation kind of way..
accepting 21 years of what the world and the general consensus perceives and allowing these social boundaries that never ever really existed but was propped up within the past few 100 years out of fear...the same fear that sheeps have...the mentality that the herd is always right, but almost always usually wrong..
Yes, I'm delusional. Somehow i feel like i'm amongst the league of Copernicus and Galileo....that the hardest part is not about accepting that Earth is not a flat disk but round, and that the sun is in the middle of the solar system. But convincing the rest of the world that the centuries of conventional wisdom in its entirety not merely plain pathetic but criminally wrong.
Quoting Will Smith..... "Being realistic is the most commonly travelled road to mediocrity"....that entering a room and flipping a switch so that the lights come on is UNREALISTIC.....that folding piles of metal into a cylinder that people sit in to be flown across the oceans is UNREALISTIC.....
My hope is that while the few of us do eventually excavate the liberties from the ignorance....hopefully the rest of mankind will slowly follow suit and grow to accept what a better world this could be..........................................or NOT......then it'll just be a better world for myself..*rubbing palms*.....all you ppl stuck in your little crevices....i'll just turn lead into gold in my very own basement.. o.O
Also, a big thank you to everyone who has supported me on this ongoing journey so far...you know who you are... and really, part of the reason that keeps me going is not to disappoint all of you...feeling like its an inseperable resposibility that i have to bear to lead the group... The irony about your ego is, that it could be your greatest obstacle and also your greatest motivational force.
Well, a simple example would be this. You see the hottest prettiest girl standing before you...
A) Don't approach her, don't get rejected, your ego never gets broken....your ego protects you by thinking "Oh well, i'm still quite a cool guy....what hot girl???"
B) I gotta do this, if i don't, i'm a pussy and a loser. I'm cool and this girl will be mine, now i just have to prove it. Your ego will never allow you, most importantly YOU to view yourself as a pussy or a loser or both.
And if you geeks out there need to know about the scientific explanation for this....
Dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical compound that triggers/maintains your learning and motivational systems. It provides an emotional feedback either positively or negatively with every action that you do. It rewards you with a positive emotion when you try something out for the first time and it delivers smoothly with no hiccups, you are motivated to do it again next time. The more you do it each time, positive emotions get triggered...the more it becomes a part of you. The inverse is also true, like cracking a lame joke and nobody laughs. You stop doing it. And thats how you learn, thru right or wrong.
Then again, all that above is within the sub-conscious...blah blah..our conscious mind has to be above all that and accept failure..blah blah...not repeating the same mistakes does not mean quitting entirely.
Don't give up. We, our egos seldom realise the quantum leaps that we make during the learning process until we discover a breakthrough(sort of like an orgasm...). What i mean is that, even though you've made vast improvements, your ego remains yet-to-be validated....until you actually reap the rewards.
Its like, when you invest $2000 in a stock, even though you see it grow in value each day, you never really feel like the money is yours, like you just threw some money away... until you finally sell it 5 years later, and you have $4000... you get to finally abuse it.
I shall end here, yet another long rambling post packed with all the juicy fruity goodness!
-----------------------
"I just found out theres no such thing as the real world, just a lie you've got to rise above." - John Mayer
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Missing Piece...
i bump into an old friend earlier..and soon we got on the topic about relationships/fucking around..
it brought me back to the question that was haunting a few weeks prior to recent events...until i lost myself in the after-high recently....but now it came back..
a big part of it is still "honesty" and how much you can come to grips with your own faults and exposing it to the ppl around you..esp to the ones who needs to accept you.
-------
Then again, it is true that the above is a decision finally everyone has to and must make...
there are ppl who have crossed that mark and ppl who have not...and for me, do i need to do this now????
almost everyone that i've spoke to has pressured me to go this way...perhaps they are all right..
but i have no rational answer to this other then i just want to linger in the "transit terminal"....i just don't want to.
others have even said "This will make you happy, and you know it...why don't you want it?" it almost bear huge resemblance to the topic of God.. yes it would be better to have God, but i just don't want to submit my life to God...
for some reason i'm afraid...for some reason, ppl would sacrifice themselves to go to heaven and reach the final goal, while i'm still holding on to my worthless human flesh-suit...
settle?....nah..that day will come, but one does not go searching for it....
somehow, some part of me still crave the challenge...settling would make me happy i guess..but for me to even call it "settling down" is a misconception...and so i'm rambling and going in circles
i'm still bored, and i still don't know what i want, and i just want to fuck around...(again, as long as i am honest..)
such is the depth of my denial....knowing the truth, but not wanting to change. which is reality?
with women and relationships, investments, health.. there is no finish line... there is no settling down...you still have to keep working to make marriage and a long term relationship work..exciting, passionate...etc
no amount of sex, money, children..and something as elusive a "love"....can ever make us happy...yet that doesn't stop our instinctive natures from chasing after these...its a conspiracy of the universe....live like a monk.
Even when we know the truth, it still doesn't stop me from pursuing love. And the whole of mankind suffer from a great cognitive dissonance altogether..
--------------
"It was not only that I could not become spiteful, I did not know how to become anything; neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect. Now, I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot become anything seriously, and it is only the fool who becomes anything." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
it brought me back to the question that was haunting a few weeks prior to recent events...until i lost myself in the after-high recently....but now it came back..
a big part of it is still "honesty" and how much you can come to grips with your own faults and exposing it to the ppl around you..esp to the ones who needs to accept you.
-------
Then again, it is true that the above is a decision finally everyone has to and must make...
there are ppl who have crossed that mark and ppl who have not...and for me, do i need to do this now????
almost everyone that i've spoke to has pressured me to go this way...perhaps they are all right..
but i have no rational answer to this other then i just want to linger in the "transit terminal"....i just don't want to.
others have even said "This will make you happy, and you know it...why don't you want it?" it almost bear huge resemblance to the topic of God.. yes it would be better to have God, but i just don't want to submit my life to God...
for some reason i'm afraid...for some reason, ppl would sacrifice themselves to go to heaven and reach the final goal, while i'm still holding on to my worthless human flesh-suit...
settle?....nah..that day will come, but one does not go searching for it....
somehow, some part of me still crave the challenge...settling would make me happy i guess..but for me to even call it "settling down" is a misconception...and so i'm rambling and going in circles
i'm still bored, and i still don't know what i want, and i just want to fuck around...(again, as long as i am honest..)
such is the depth of my denial....knowing the truth, but not wanting to change. which is reality?
with women and relationships, investments, health.. there is no finish line... there is no settling down...you still have to keep working to make marriage and a long term relationship work..exciting, passionate...etc
no amount of sex, money, children..and something as elusive a "love"....can ever make us happy...yet that doesn't stop our instinctive natures from chasing after these...its a conspiracy of the universe....live like a monk.
Even when we know the truth, it still doesn't stop me from pursuing love. And the whole of mankind suffer from a great cognitive dissonance altogether..
--------------
"It was not only that I could not become spiteful, I did not know how to become anything; neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect. Now, I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot become anything seriously, and it is only the fool who becomes anything." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Mental Blank
i have nothing much to say other than this everlasting urge to write to keep this blog alive.
Perhaps within the past two weeks i've already rose to my highest peak, never before proven possible(besides claims and stories of others across the internet/books.....or have concrete evidence of seeing it happen until i accomplished it and found the answers for myself...
a feat like travelling alone to macau just pales in contrast to this....which is not as scary as ppl think..
when you think it is about proving to the world that they're wrong, its not that important really...validating your ego... as compared to realising that all that faith and hardwork of battles between you and your mind and emotions had paid off, and it wasn't to waste.
---------------
people come and go....and having strong beliefs in self-liberation and "free love"....i have contradicted myself all this while by offering ppl merely a glimpse of me, yet remaining sedate and letting them walk away...
Now, surely i can't have all of them...but its time i woke up from this stupor and GRAB
only the wimps never push it beyond the limits..no point casting it wide if i don't plunge deep.
all you lucky viewers, be prepared for something exciting...
Perhaps within the past two weeks i've already rose to my highest peak, never before proven possible(besides claims and stories of others across the internet/books.....or have concrete evidence of seeing it happen until i accomplished it and found the answers for myself...
a feat like travelling alone to macau just pales in contrast to this....which is not as scary as ppl think..
when you think it is about proving to the world that they're wrong, its not that important really...validating your ego... as compared to realising that all that faith and hardwork of battles between you and your mind and emotions had paid off, and it wasn't to waste.
---------------
people come and go....and having strong beliefs in self-liberation and "free love"....i have contradicted myself all this while by offering ppl merely a glimpse of me, yet remaining sedate and letting them walk away...
Now, surely i can't have all of them...but its time i woke up from this stupor and GRAB
only the wimps never push it beyond the limits..no point casting it wide if i don't plunge deep.
all you lucky viewers, be prepared for something exciting...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Humanity...
no words to express the emotions that went thru my mind when i was watching these....
my jaw just fell wide open the whole time....
i wasn't even expecting to lose myself while watching Thích Quảng Đức (burning monk)
but halfway thru, immediately after the flames enveloped him....my jawbone, and my cheeks just started spasming violently....i was gasping for air, i thought i was laughing...until tears flooded my eyes immensely.....
me and buddies were just discussing how much sheer "mindpower" it is to carry out such a feat.... he probably died in a state of inner-peace while meditating....
"As he burned he never moved a muscle, never uttered a sound, his outward composure in sharp contrast to the wailing people around him.[" - David Halberstam
Child crawling towards an United Nations food camp, a kilometer away....the vulture is just waiting for it to die, before it feeds on the soon-to-be corspe....the photographer who took the picture left her dying....in an interview, "he(photographer kevin carter) sat under a tree for a long time, "smoking cigarettes and crying".
"It was while covering the Vietnam War for the Associated Press that he took his best-known photograph – the picture of police chief General Nguyễn Ngọc Loan executing a Vietcong prisoner, Nguyễn Văn Lém, on a Saigon street, on February 1, 1968, during the opening stages of the Tet Offensive" - wikipedia
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Past, Present and Future Failures unrevealed...
I thought i should be more discreet and leave the characters out of my topsy turvy bullshit...
Wow, i never imagined my life had some of the best content to make up some of the worst dramas...LOL
You'll would prolly never ever get to see it happen to anyone, cos its so atypical and unusual.....and you'll never ever get to see it on tv, cos its so unrealistic and uncanny....
Like of all the random and uncontrolled interactions/reactions that take place within the expanse of space & time and the ever-expanding volume of the universe, fate throws everything at you, i saw my life flashed before me....my past, present and future within a span of minutes, last night...
Wow, i never imagined my life had some of the best content to make up some of the worst dramas...LOL
You'll would prolly never ever get to see it happen to anyone, cos its so atypical and unusual.....and you'll never ever get to see it on tv, cos its so unrealistic and uncanny....
Like of all the random and uncontrolled interactions/reactions that take place within the expanse of space & time and the ever-expanding volume of the universe, fate throws everything at you, i saw my life flashed before me....my past, present and future within a span of minutes, last night...
Friday, June 18, 2010
English Summer Rain
A few months ago, one of those days when me & a close confidante of mine, Evan did some catching up.... We haven't met for about 3 months, and I told him excitedly how much emotionally or mentally stronger I've becomed.
I was telling him about the state management tactics that i've been using to constantly relieve myself of negative emotions of sadness, neediness, jealousy, rejection or even rivalrous or amogging intentions.
Basically, the idea is quite similar to doing something you enjoy, while you're emotional, as much as possible..to trick your mind into believing that you're happy. (however this may not be a possible avenue for e.g, things like surfing, dancing, singing, watching tv while you're at work...)
It is proven that(or by how much you believe that it'll work), by standing up straight, walking with good posture, holding a big smile across your face, jumping up and down, forced laughter, while you're feeling emotionally down........ Using your physical body feedback and actions to trigger positive emotions in your brain.
I relied on it a lot. And for awhile i thought this was probably the most efficient, instant-fix way to deal with the problem. Evan disagrees. Despite that it works in the short-term, you're still not coming to terms with the source of your neediness in the long run. Sometimes absorbing and taking all that sadness in instead of "avoiding" it. It would then ultimately result in you being emotionally free.
It then came to me this morning after I was already over the worst part of the pain that being emotionally strong meant allowing all of the darkness to envelop you and not deny the fact that you're feeling sad.....but know that you're strong enough to be above all of it.
Sure, pumping state is still good for when you require that good boost and to overcome the "activation level" to break thru that threshold before you fully let yourself go...
However now, its more like using positive affirmations, that you have a lot to be happy for despite having a setback at that moment.
Only then will sadness and neediness taste bittersweet... :)
I was telling him about the state management tactics that i've been using to constantly relieve myself of negative emotions of sadness, neediness, jealousy, rejection or even rivalrous or amogging intentions.
Basically, the idea is quite similar to doing something you enjoy, while you're emotional, as much as possible..to trick your mind into believing that you're happy. (however this may not be a possible avenue for e.g, things like surfing, dancing, singing, watching tv while you're at work...)
It is proven that(or by how much you believe that it'll work), by standing up straight, walking with good posture, holding a big smile across your face, jumping up and down, forced laughter, while you're feeling emotionally down........ Using your physical body feedback and actions to trigger positive emotions in your brain.
I relied on it a lot. And for awhile i thought this was probably the most efficient, instant-fix way to deal with the problem. Evan disagrees. Despite that it works in the short-term, you're still not coming to terms with the source of your neediness in the long run. Sometimes absorbing and taking all that sadness in instead of "avoiding" it. It would then ultimately result in you being emotionally free.
It then came to me this morning after I was already over the worst part of the pain that being emotionally strong meant allowing all of the darkness to envelop you and not deny the fact that you're feeling sad.....but know that you're strong enough to be above all of it.
Sure, pumping state is still good for when you require that good boost and to overcome the "activation level" to break thru that threshold before you fully let yourself go...
However now, its more like using positive affirmations, that you have a lot to be happy for despite having a setback at that moment.
Only then will sadness and neediness taste bittersweet... :)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Heart-shaped box
I'm a heart-shaped box...pretty on the outside, empty on the inside..
its my inability to love, and the lack of courage to embrace this emotional complexity..
i don't know what just might happen after this weekend, but chances are, the upcoming experiences over the next few weeks will change my inherent outlook...
prepare to see a different me, or that i'll disappear...but know that i'm working hard and focused on the future and the unknown..
see chapter I here... http://ziqbarzak.blogspot.com/2009/06/mission-accomplished-xd.html
if i looked back at this one year, and thought about how much i grew/deteriorated as a person....in my perception, it still probably was slower than i would have imagined it to be....but in reality, its pretty satisfactory, and tremendous compared to most...
CHAPTER II: Diving Deep
I've taken many "risks" over the year in order to squeeze some lessons out of them...and the way i perceive these "risks" today....is that they arent risks at all....simply, the bark is worse than its bite....they're just scary....and thats all...with no actual loss/consequences after being rejected so many times...
while some would say this is a numbers game....i never really saw it in such a way...i've put a lot of emotional investment to each of them...and without effort, the numbers did grew as a result of the momentum acquired...
what i really want to work on in the next month or 2....would be to venture further, give more of myself...even if it means losing in some way....the lessons learnt and experiences gained, way outweighs the losses....and to deal with this higher order emotions involved in an advanced level game.
it definitely wont be easy....throwing myself into emotional distress and hoping to walk out of it alive... i've already took a beating this year, merely teasing compared to what i'm bracing myself for...i may even come out mad after this. oh well...
shall go to sleep now....DAY 1 starts.....................................-------> TOMORROW
its my inability to love, and the lack of courage to embrace this emotional complexity..
i don't know what just might happen after this weekend, but chances are, the upcoming experiences over the next few weeks will change my inherent outlook...
prepare to see a different me, or that i'll disappear...but know that i'm working hard and focused on the future and the unknown..
see chapter I here... http://ziqbarzak.blogspot.com/2009/06/mission-accomplished-xd.html
if i looked back at this one year, and thought about how much i grew/deteriorated as a person....in my perception, it still probably was slower than i would have imagined it to be....but in reality, its pretty satisfactory, and tremendous compared to most...
CHAPTER II: Diving Deep
I've taken many "risks" over the year in order to squeeze some lessons out of them...and the way i perceive these "risks" today....is that they arent risks at all....simply, the bark is worse than its bite....they're just scary....and thats all...with no actual loss/consequences after being rejected so many times...
while some would say this is a numbers game....i never really saw it in such a way...i've put a lot of emotional investment to each of them...and without effort, the numbers did grew as a result of the momentum acquired...
what i really want to work on in the next month or 2....would be to venture further, give more of myself...even if it means losing in some way....the lessons learnt and experiences gained, way outweighs the losses....and to deal with this higher order emotions involved in an advanced level game.
it definitely wont be easy....throwing myself into emotional distress and hoping to walk out of it alive... i've already took a beating this year, merely teasing compared to what i'm bracing myself for...i may even come out mad after this. oh well...
shall go to sleep now....DAY 1 starts.....................................-------> TOMORROW
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Awesome Train Graffiti
Lol.....this isn't the vid of the MRT graffiti in Singapore..but HELL YEAH!...lol
this is against the law, but is it hurting anybody? does only the goverment have the right to dictate what goes where in public space? this space belongs to everybody...anyone can define and manipulate the objects and landscapes around us...
freedom of expression, adrenaline-junkie of sorts...
ummm...if you still don't get where i'm coming from...the genres along with their defining films...
Fight Club, Point Break, Yamakasi......Flashmobs, cacophony society,parkour, skateboarding, extreme sports, korean guy tectonik(search youtube), punk, graffiti....oh..even "Balls of Steel" show..etc
Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and [sing-song tone] I turned it on itself! [Harvey stops struggling, The Joker looking down at him] Look at what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hm? You know–you know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan"… even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die… well, then everyone loses their minds! [lets go of Harvey's hands and pulls out a gun, the handle facing Harvey] Introduce a little anarchy. [puts the gun into Harvey's hand, cocking the gun] Upset the established order, then everything becomes…chaos. [guides the gun to his own forehead, smacking his lips] I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair.
[Harvey thinks for a minute, and shows Joker the unscarred side of his coin]
Monday, June 7, 2010
Macau Fervour
Just thought i'll give a brief update all the way from Macau....with the last remaining 20 mins of my access in this cybercafe.
Things didn't turned out as expected....everything was great, just that my health wasn't. Chugging down pills every few hours and having to visit the loo every so often...
The greatest disappointment of all was that i couldn't try out all of the wide variety of great dishes here....my really bad stomach and slight fever. Can't wait to get back and finally get a much needed rest and recover from all of this bullshit... have much waiting for me this coming week and it would be a tight slap on the face if i don't get to realise what was planned.
I enjoyed my time here...the vast differences in culture are all trashed into one small tiny city. The old, the new, eastern and western barely seperates itself as they are all intertwined at every turn of the head..
I barely took the taxi...as every attraction was within walking distances....in less than 3 days..i have the central, south-eastern, southern and western parts of the macau peninsula clearly mapped out in my head... I was covering all this distance while harbouring an ill diesease...
i would have checked out more places if i haven't spent a significant bulk of time on the bed such as the beaches...
The glitz and glamour of the casinos and grand hotels did felt magnificent initially...after taking a walk thru it for the 2nd time on the 2nd night, the appeal did start to wear off... Perhaps there was too much and too many of these damn glitzy casinos, i was in distraught....there was just this huge massive landspace with too much lights and supposedly-entertaining "entertainment" that opens 24/7....and everyone working and patronising these places seemed soulless like in a zombie town...half the time when i was approaching the metal detector frames...with guards standing outside...sign displaying that people under the age of 18 could not enter....lol... did i even look 20??? instead of stopping me to check for identification...the would usher and welcome me in...
This plague of the undead is apparent in most casino, resort, hotel places.... like in Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Chicago, Lordaeron..etc...
If you've played GTA: Vice City, Vampire Masquerade: Bloodlines, Macau resembles it a lot lol......there are indeed police men patrolling the streets 24/7.... a lot of police men at every road junction....it so funny, cos its like all these computer games that i've played..where there are so many policemen around and you're suppose to commit crimes without being seen...which i thought was unrealistic as i've always only been in Singapore.
This trip has taught me loads like every other experience has...given me plenty of opportunities to soul-search and contemplate the sensitive side of me (pathetic that this seems like the only side of me...-_-").....an emptiness which seems impossible to fill, (despite all my efforts in validating it with external stimuli)...but only a rare few have the answers... This has allowed me to rethink, redirect and refocus my mental energies in future to something more satisfying ...
Will be flying back to Singapore later, flight's at 245 am....and out of this deep emotional lethargy... i miss you guys..
Things didn't turned out as expected....everything was great, just that my health wasn't. Chugging down pills every few hours and having to visit the loo every so often...
The greatest disappointment of all was that i couldn't try out all of the wide variety of great dishes here....my really bad stomach and slight fever. Can't wait to get back and finally get a much needed rest and recover from all of this bullshit... have much waiting for me this coming week and it would be a tight slap on the face if i don't get to realise what was planned.
I enjoyed my time here...the vast differences in culture are all trashed into one small tiny city. The old, the new, eastern and western barely seperates itself as they are all intertwined at every turn of the head..
I barely took the taxi...as every attraction was within walking distances....in less than 3 days..i have the central, south-eastern, southern and western parts of the macau peninsula clearly mapped out in my head... I was covering all this distance while harbouring an ill diesease...
i would have checked out more places if i haven't spent a significant bulk of time on the bed such as the beaches...
The glitz and glamour of the casinos and grand hotels did felt magnificent initially...after taking a walk thru it for the 2nd time on the 2nd night, the appeal did start to wear off... Perhaps there was too much and too many of these damn glitzy casinos, i was in distraught....there was just this huge massive landspace with too much lights and supposedly-entertaining "entertainment" that opens 24/7....and everyone working and patronising these places seemed soulless like in a zombie town...half the time when i was approaching the metal detector frames...with guards standing outside...sign displaying that people under the age of 18 could not enter....lol... did i even look 20??? instead of stopping me to check for identification...the would usher and welcome me in...
This plague of the undead is apparent in most casino, resort, hotel places.... like in Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Chicago, Lordaeron..etc...
If you've played GTA: Vice City, Vampire Masquerade: Bloodlines, Macau resembles it a lot lol......there are indeed police men patrolling the streets 24/7.... a lot of police men at every road junction....it so funny, cos its like all these computer games that i've played..where there are so many policemen around and you're suppose to commit crimes without being seen...which i thought was unrealistic as i've always only been in Singapore.
This trip has taught me loads like every other experience has...given me plenty of opportunities to soul-search and contemplate the sensitive side of me (pathetic that this seems like the only side of me...-_-").....an emptiness which seems impossible to fill, (despite all my efforts in validating it with external stimuli)...but only a rare few have the answers... This has allowed me to rethink, redirect and refocus my mental energies in future to something more satisfying ...
Will be flying back to Singapore later, flight's at 245 am....and out of this deep emotional lethargy... i miss you guys..
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Food Review 1, Rotten Tomatoes where they belong.
It is with my utmost disappointment that i write this to you today. And though i do not have any pictures to proof, being a connoisseur of all things fine..... you have to trust my words.
I've never written a food review before...this is absolutely not experimental and purely instigated by the misleading marketing but poor products.
I skipped breakfast today besides just having 2 softboil eggs for protein....and was so looking forward to an indulging meal at Wendy's joint that sprouted out of the middle of nowhere between Boonlay MRT and Jurong point near where i live...... It certainly projected the idea of a depot of gleaming hope with its big red signage, strategically situated in the middle of nowhere like the Great Pyramid of Giza in the middle of the desert.
I like the place and its ambience if its not for the bad quality food. Inside, there are no tables...just two long "bar" tables all perpendicularly placed, outlining and facing the glass windows/walls....(and some small circular tables where you eat standing.) Nice to be able to eat and people-watch, cute girls passing by just 1-2 metres away outside, in the day or the evenings.
Standing 3 meters from the counter, i analysed the possible permutations of food which i will get to obtain optimal indulgence, value-for-money and serving size. I opted for, a 1/2 quarter pound medium combo $7.85 + $0.50, a small tub of "chili"(the minced beef/beans/peppers mix thingy available in american restaurants.) $2.60 and a swap of the drink to chocolate milkshake additional $0.40
I was really hungry at this point of time......tasted the fries and chili first....didn't improve my appetite at all, supposedly i was very hungry.. Tried to take a sip at the chocolate milkshake using their thin straws.....left me more impatient than ever.....quickly unwrapped the burger kept in silver foil. (FYI, studies have shown that silver foil drives the idea that the food within it is fresh into our subconscious....which explains why butter and margarine are always wrapped in silver foil.)
Took the first bite....and a tidal wave of disappointment floods my body.....you know how it feels when you're sexually aroused and all that feel-good chemicals, oxytocin, dopamine, dolphins, endorphins starts to swim around and flood your physical senses?.....put a negative sign to that equation and thats how it feels to be TURNED OFF.
I forced myself thru this meal just so to fill my stomach....and after having lost almost a kg through all the late nights the past week...i didn't bother to finish the last bit of the burger, nor the last few strandling fries, nor the beans in the chili....spent a few seconds picking out the minced beef to chew for pure amusement......and the milkshake, yeah...(you should never get milkshake from fast food places ever!.......only billy bombers serves good milkshakes because they use B&J icecream.)......the milkshake was so thick, i gave up giving the thin straw a blowjob....cos not much seems to enter my mouth after trying for sometime....
My list of other much-hyped-about failures include:
I've never written a food review before...this is absolutely not experimental and purely instigated by the misleading marketing but poor products.
I skipped breakfast today besides just having 2 softboil eggs for protein....and was so looking forward to an indulging meal at Wendy's joint that sprouted out of the middle of nowhere between Boonlay MRT and Jurong point near where i live...... It certainly projected the idea of a depot of gleaming hope with its big red signage, strategically situated in the middle of nowhere like the Great Pyramid of Giza in the middle of the desert.
I like the place and its ambience if its not for the bad quality food. Inside, there are no tables...just two long "bar" tables all perpendicularly placed, outlining and facing the glass windows/walls....(and some small circular tables where you eat standing.) Nice to be able to eat and people-watch, cute girls passing by just 1-2 metres away outside, in the day or the evenings.
Standing 3 meters from the counter, i analysed the possible permutations of food which i will get to obtain optimal indulgence, value-for-money and serving size. I opted for, a 1/2 quarter pound medium combo $7.85 + $0.50, a small tub of "chili"(the minced beef/beans/peppers mix thingy available in american restaurants.) $2.60 and a swap of the drink to chocolate milkshake additional $0.40
I was really hungry at this point of time......tasted the fries and chili first....didn't improve my appetite at all, supposedly i was very hungry.. Tried to take a sip at the chocolate milkshake using their thin straws.....left me more impatient than ever.....quickly unwrapped the burger kept in silver foil. (FYI, studies have shown that silver foil drives the idea that the food within it is fresh into our subconscious....which explains why butter and margarine are always wrapped in silver foil.)
Took the first bite....and a tidal wave of disappointment floods my body.....you know how it feels when you're sexually aroused and all that feel-good chemicals, oxytocin, dopamine, dolphins, endorphins starts to swim around and flood your physical senses?.....put a negative sign to that equation and thats how it feels to be TURNED OFF.
I forced myself thru this meal just so to fill my stomach....and after having lost almost a kg through all the late nights the past week...i didn't bother to finish the last bit of the burger, nor the last few strandling fries, nor the beans in the chili....spent a few seconds picking out the minced beef to chew for pure amusement......and the milkshake, yeah...(you should never get milkshake from fast food places ever!.......only billy bombers serves good milkshakes because they use B&J icecream.)......the milkshake was so thick, i gave up giving the thin straw a blowjob....cos not much seems to enter my mouth after trying for sometime....
My list of other much-hyped-about failures include:
- T.G.I. Friday's
well the other places are not even worth my time mentioning.....
I've been to Chilli's once, but i'm can't judge because i was there for my friend's bday in january and i wasn't really tasting the food properly....thus i'm sure it isn't as great as it cracked up to be...cos my attention wasn't drawn to the food that much that day...
---------
Of course, this random observation brings me to my NEXT observation.. Singapore, and its lack of colour...
Wendy's, TGI Fridays, Carl's Jr, Burger King, Macdonalds.....or Koi's bubble tea(Good, but still not as interesting as the choices that Taiwan offer...)..and anything "novel" that was introduced to differentiate from the already current onslaught of things to experience in Singapore......probably great at their country of origin.....but poorly established here in singapore...
Its not the company, its not the culture nor the marketing or any external factor...its the people.
Whatever uni you're going into, NUS, NTU, or SMU......an elite or humble neighbourhod jc, secondary, primary school.....seemingly diverse from the outside......we're still a bunch of losers deep inside....we just can't escape the fact we're......"a lot of bad things all together"...
Sigh, lack the energy today to engage in a heated criticism of the world...another time.
This zombie infection that plagues only Singapore??? Or is it out there already affecting the world's population.....
We truly need innovative, creative, talented individuals out there to lead us out of this mediocrity..
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Like song lyrics start to make sense when everything else doesn't..
"Men don't know how to be men because women don't know how to be women. And women don't know how to be women because men don't know how to be men."
In every situation worth fighting for, there comes a point where the inner 'sean' appears and messes up every ounce of rationality in your head. Your dominance reduces to nothing, and you allow your emotions to envelop you.....Fear grips your heart.............
or rather, mine.
Over the last few days, i realised the patterns started to evolve and the radio frequencies in my mind darts haywire. Emergency response takes over, and despite the ensuing state management and forced dominance....it just passes off as another feeble attempt to reaffirm the control....
I've met with these scenarios so often these days......ugh...the need to handle rejection, which i feel ashamed talking about.....it feels like....having the word "FAIL" in CAPS... and in bold stuck to your face and at every direction that you turn. My heart just sinks really low and all the life thats left in it dissipating into some thin black haze...
What a relief now, that i've finally snapped out of it...relieved of those evil clutches..
OK... :D and into today's business...a few things i wanna highlight, but i guess it'll pop up sporadically here and there...so bear with me...but you're alr here..so i guess you will.
Refractory periods....to express it properly, it feels a lot like when the girl has her PMS.......and everything seems to go wrong.... ok, SERIOUSLY...with emotion and attraction, positive vibes, or negative feelings, compare these, with nature, and with the refractory period that you get after a man's orgasm or like feeling satiated from a bloated meal.......what goes up must come down....no matter how hard you try to turn the wheels of anybody, after too much has been said and done, it will breakdown for awhile.....take a break whatever....because it can be ready to run again......if you look at those highly highly emotional screaming fans running after Elvis or the Beatles, as soon as the celebrities turn around and give some flying kiss or look into their eyes whatever....yep...they faint -_-" .......their buying temperature pumped so high that they eventually breakdown..LOL
so...with whatever pain/loss or like elation and ecstasy...it will not last forever....its going to swing to the other end sooner or later, then when its ready, it'll come back again...
Onto another thing which i've been wanting to write about so much these days.....
that dancing, i've been taking salsa classes recently, is a microcosmic example of the interaction between male and female....its like seeing a "love story" playing in fast-forward right before your eyes.....i won't get to much detail here cos i'm too tired....but the whole emphasis of leading a girl emotionally/physically/sexually on the dancefloor like every other situation is the same...
Everyone starts out a loser/newbie in life/dance.....
at first, i don't know what the hell i was doing and i know that the girl is a much better dancer=hot girl that you're trying to hit on(even though it doesn't even matter) and i'm just freezing on my line of thoughts or steps to take=thinking consciously of the things to say to that hot girl.....then apologizing profusely like a fucking loser for your amatuerishness=apologizing profusely like a fucking loser for your shortcomings.
I'm so guilty of the above, and i wallow in disgust.
So to do well in life or salsa,
"yeah, dude you want to be able to assert dominance and confidence in all of your affairs...and to have some sort of honesty integrity and get what you want....know what you want....and be able to go out there and get it...but to get there....man! that path is always screwed up..." - El Topo
In every situation worth fighting for, there comes a point where the inner 'sean' appears and messes up every ounce of rationality in your head. Your dominance reduces to nothing, and you allow your emotions to envelop you.....Fear grips your heart.............
or rather, mine.
Over the last few days, i realised the patterns started to evolve and the radio frequencies in my mind darts haywire. Emergency response takes over, and despite the ensuing state management and forced dominance....it just passes off as another feeble attempt to reaffirm the control....
I've met with these scenarios so often these days......ugh...the need to handle rejection, which i feel ashamed talking about.....it feels like....having the word "FAIL" in CAPS... and in bold stuck to your face and at every direction that you turn. My heart just sinks really low and all the life thats left in it dissipating into some thin black haze...
What a relief now, that i've finally snapped out of it...relieved of those evil clutches..
OK... :D and into today's business...a few things i wanna highlight, but i guess it'll pop up sporadically here and there...so bear with me...but you're alr here..so i guess you will.
Refractory periods....to express it properly, it feels a lot like when the girl has her PMS.......and everything seems to go wrong.... ok, SERIOUSLY...with emotion and attraction, positive vibes, or negative feelings, compare these, with nature, and with the refractory period that you get after a man's orgasm or like feeling satiated from a bloated meal.......what goes up must come down....no matter how hard you try to turn the wheels of anybody, after too much has been said and done, it will breakdown for awhile.....take a break whatever....because it can be ready to run again......if you look at those highly highly emotional screaming fans running after Elvis or the Beatles, as soon as the celebrities turn around and give some flying kiss or look into their eyes whatever....yep...they faint -_-" .......their buying temperature pumped so high that they eventually breakdown..LOL
so...with whatever pain/loss or like elation and ecstasy...it will not last forever....its going to swing to the other end sooner or later, then when its ready, it'll come back again...
Onto another thing which i've been wanting to write about so much these days.....
that dancing, i've been taking salsa classes recently, is a microcosmic example of the interaction between male and female....its like seeing a "love story" playing in fast-forward right before your eyes.....i won't get to much detail here cos i'm too tired....but the whole emphasis of leading a girl emotionally/physically/sexually on the dancefloor like every other situation is the same...
Everyone starts out a loser/newbie in life/dance.....
at first, i don't know what the hell i was doing and i know that the girl is a much better dancer=hot girl that you're trying to hit on(even though it doesn't even matter) and i'm just freezing on my line of thoughts or steps to take=thinking consciously of the things to say to that hot girl.....then apologizing profusely like a fucking loser for your amatuerishness=apologizing profusely like a fucking loser for your shortcomings.
I'm so guilty of the above, and i wallow in disgust.
So to do well in life or salsa,
- Make decisions but be soft(like dionne mentioned, so not to drag the girl and hurt her arm or whatever)
- be passionate and know what you want
- appreciate her and make her look good
"yeah, dude you want to be able to assert dominance and confidence in all of your affairs...and to have some sort of honesty integrity and get what you want....know what you want....and be able to go out there and get it...but to get there....man! that path is always screwed up..." - El Topo
Monday, May 17, 2010
I'm really tired..
Do not mistake this as an indicator of the current state of being that i'm in.... with regards to the highlights of the past week, weeks, month, months, year...i should indeed be one of the happier ones out there....but such is the frailty of humanity...
just like you, i am pessimistic most of the time, only that living an optimistic lifestyle and projecting an optimistic aura purely for productivity..
not that i'm not content, but this journey will be a long one..
i'm right up there....but up here, is plagued with lots of emotional struggle....painful ego...
down there, the illusion of comfort, where my fragile ego, like a shiny glass ball tucked safetly on a fluffy pillow...
which side should i resign to?....both.
ppl out there who want to live life according to the blueprints laid out by conventional ideals...
i hate to decide, or have to decide....i used to be a really fickle-minded person....
but really, everything have changed since.....still, i no longer decide...i let situation and circumstance determine my actions...i live truly...in the moment..and JUST DO IT.
just like you, i am pessimistic most of the time, only that living an optimistic lifestyle and projecting an optimistic aura purely for productivity..
not that i'm not content, but this journey will be a long one..
i'm right up there....but up here, is plagued with lots of emotional struggle....painful ego...
down there, the illusion of comfort, where my fragile ego, like a shiny glass ball tucked safetly on a fluffy pillow...
which side should i resign to?....both.
ppl out there who want to live life according to the blueprints laid out by conventional ideals...
i hate to decide, or have to decide....i used to be a really fickle-minded person....
but really, everything have changed since.....still, i no longer decide...i let situation and circumstance determine my actions...i live truly...in the moment..and JUST DO IT.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Ari Gold delivers speech in therapy
Ari Gold demonstrating a NLP technique called Pacing and Leading to persuade his obstacles.
He figures that there is no point arguing, being defensive which would in no way allow him to dominate...thus he paced by admitting his true intentions(which his wife is accusing him of) to build a common understanding/rapport and then lead the target in the direction that he wants...
:) use this to turn the tables when odds/akwardness is stacked against you..
Monday, May 10, 2010
Lost in Transition
Life sucks when you have to think....
Been pretty lazy and passive for the past few weeks....only because my preparation in the previous months has allowed such luxury and precise reflexes...
I guess its back to building that pipeline again.
Been pretty lazy and passive for the past few weeks....only because my preparation in the previous months has allowed such luxury and precise reflexes...
I guess its back to building that pipeline again.
Monday, May 3, 2010
FREEDOM!!!
The screeching cries, desperate pleas of these men as they rose to battle.... "FREEDOM!!!!!!".....rushing towards the "red coats" and to their imminent deaths...
Yes, you've prolly seen it in one of the many scenes in Mel Gibson's "The Patriot".....and i rmb it from a half-life mod that i used to play about the American Revolution...
For all young men who had no choice but to live through their twenties during the below mentioned, (Cultural revolution, Great Depression, World war I & II.....etc)....they were unlucky enough to be born in an age where even if they were to survive with not a single scratch.....their lives are forever doomed...by the time the economy picks up, when peace has returned....the are prolly in their late 30s, 40s....full of strife, their prime spent during the darkest of times... a lost generation of youths, traumatised, fearful, without a shot at success.....
I apologize....but please take moment to consider your position today.....That we are surrounded by opportunites, that we have nothing stopping our way.... Opportunities waiting to be leveraged and claimed.... Without a doubt, there will be obstacles in the way....but....Our biggest ally: Faith & Audacity....and our biggest enemy: Lack thereof
I write this today, because for me and many others that i've spoken too or met have pledged our lives to obtaining what we want......whether it be hedonistic materialism, or selfless social work.... Our time on this planet has to be worthwhile.....(28, 251 days - a human being's lifespan)
Like many others, ride a motorbike, pursue arts....& dance, travel the world, make plenty of investment returns, build a harem of women, become a suicide bomber, die a martyr.....they give up!...Only a few ppl, insanely audacious enough ever makes it....and its not about the recognition, validation one receives from others that defines your success.....We define "success" in our own terms.. (pardon the corniness)
Like they say, "there is a thin line between Genius and Insanity. I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant
(I wonder if this explains why quite a number of artists are "expressively" gay....just gay is not enoguh)
We are here to take a stand!...nobody can stop us, not the voices of your pathetic aging parents past their prime telling you what to do from their passe experiences that brought them inevitably to their reluctance of you procuring your success. And instead ask you to walk the well-worn path, full of security, a stable job, a wealthy husband, a big CPF pension and everything else except Freedom to associate with the world in your own terms....
Not your submissive wimpy dissonant petty old cynical nihilistic friends (pardon the overabusive use of bombast to describe insecurity).....can tell you that you are "becoming a different person", someone that is "too serious to hang out with"...."too weird" or "too try-hard"....
It is even inevitable that one would look weird or try-hard initially....as that is how you figure out balance through calibration..you'll know where to tone it down only thru first-hand experience
Honestly speaking, without struggle and rebellion in your formative years and taking that risk of losing everything for the sake of your passions....you'll never grow.
I shut them out COMPLETELY....family, friends, all that negative energies..
LKY has his point.... but of course, we are spoilt, not hardened...
http://www.temasekreview.com/2010/02/17/interview-with-kenneth-lin-15-year-old-singaporean-who-started-a-petition-against-lee-kuan-yew/
However...not totally useless..this is battle against ourselves.
Blame our education system and policies for succeeding in churning out obedient working-class citizens
Rmb....there are many like you along this journey....i've spoken to a few china students(as young as 18) or even the filipinos that come here to work...they give up their home and family to make something of themselves...
Shall end here...enough pep talk...a part of me does still feel insufficient...however i didn't write this today just for myself....but also for the ppl around...
Give up the comfort, or give up your future.
Yes, you've prolly seen it in one of the many scenes in Mel Gibson's "The Patriot".....and i rmb it from a half-life mod that i used to play about the American Revolution...
For all young men who had no choice but to live through their twenties during the below mentioned, (Cultural revolution, Great Depression, World war I & II.....etc)....they were unlucky enough to be born in an age where even if they were to survive with not a single scratch.....their lives are forever doomed...by the time the economy picks up, when peace has returned....the are prolly in their late 30s, 40s....full of strife, their prime spent during the darkest of times... a lost generation of youths, traumatised, fearful, without a shot at success.....
I apologize....but please take moment to consider your position today.....That we are surrounded by opportunites, that we have nothing stopping our way.... Opportunities waiting to be leveraged and claimed.... Without a doubt, there will be obstacles in the way....but....Our biggest ally: Faith & Audacity....and our biggest enemy: Lack thereof
I write this today, because for me and many others that i've spoken too or met have pledged our lives to obtaining what we want......whether it be hedonistic materialism, or selfless social work.... Our time on this planet has to be worthwhile.....(28, 251 days - a human being's lifespan)
Like many others, ride a motorbike, pursue arts....& dance, travel the world, make plenty of investment returns, build a harem of women, become a suicide bomber, die a martyr.....they give up!...Only a few ppl, insanely audacious enough ever makes it....and its not about the recognition, validation one receives from others that defines your success.....We define "success" in our own terms.. (pardon the corniness)
Like they say, "there is a thin line between Genius and Insanity. I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant
(I wonder if this explains why quite a number of artists are "expressively" gay....just gay is not enoguh)
We are here to take a stand!...nobody can stop us, not the voices of your pathetic aging parents past their prime telling you what to do from their passe experiences that brought them inevitably to their reluctance of you procuring your success. And instead ask you to walk the well-worn path, full of security, a stable job, a wealthy husband, a big CPF pension and everything else except Freedom to associate with the world in your own terms....
Not your submissive wimpy dissonant petty old cynical nihilistic friends (pardon the overabusive use of bombast to describe insecurity).....can tell you that you are "becoming a different person", someone that is "too serious to hang out with"...."too weird" or "too try-hard"....
It is even inevitable that one would look weird or try-hard initially....as that is how you figure out balance through calibration..you'll know where to tone it down only thru first-hand experience
Honestly speaking, without struggle and rebellion in your formative years and taking that risk of losing everything for the sake of your passions....you'll never grow.
I shut them out COMPLETELY....family, friends, all that negative energies..
LKY has his point.... but of course, we are spoilt, not hardened...
http://www.temasekreview.com/2010/02/17/interview-with-kenneth-lin-15-year-old-singaporean-who-started-a-petition-against-lee-kuan-yew/
However...not totally useless..this is battle against ourselves.
Blame our education system and policies for succeeding in churning out obedient working-class citizens
Rmb....there are many like you along this journey....i've spoken to a few china students(as young as 18) or even the filipinos that come here to work...they give up their home and family to make something of themselves...
Shall end here...enough pep talk...a part of me does still feel insufficient...however i didn't write this today just for myself....but also for the ppl around...
Give up the comfort, or give up your future.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
2046 Vs The Age Of Innocence
The Age of Innocence by Martin Scorsese
Now girls, before you start thinking that Tony Leung's character is a big flirt, player type....his not.....*besides trying to defend myself*....he is simply honest with them and sincere most of the time...(there is no hot and cold manipulation in this movie..)...he does not hide his feelings and often expresses it to those he loves...and not because he is saying it or validating girls expecting sex in exchange...Displayed by his love for faye wong, in this case carefree and as a 'friend'.....encouraging her to go to japan to be with her lover...which she did, and got married..
It was a dread to watch this film......Not that it wasn't a good movie...but i hated absolutely every single character in this movie.....Newland Archer, the main protagonist is a fucking wimp and pussy.....the film may be realistic to some, and some may understand the obstacles and impossibility of him ever staying together with Countess Ellen Olenska (Michelle Pfeiffer), if so, these ppl are stupid..... in a society (1870s) where there are strict customs and traditions to uphold to, where family honor tops over one's personal interest...
The whole story basically concludes that all the characters gave up their lives and romance for the sake of protecting their street cred, from becoming a social outcast during the high society then... And sadly, that May (winona ryder) lived her whole marriage in denial, even though she knew her's was a marriage of convenience...and that her man loved another woman.....
Bleh....all a bunch of cowards....made worst by Newland Archer's extreme neediness.....
Spoiler Alert!
The last scene, Newland went all the way to Europe after 20-30 yrs to see Ellen, only to chicken-out at the ground level of her apartment.......it is portrayed as a happy-ending though, because Newland concluded that it was pointless to see her again, someone way back in the past, and that he was satisfied with everything he had now...but in psychology terms, Cognitive Dissonance....or sour grapes...
-----------------------------------------
The last scene, Newland went all the way to Europe after 20-30 yrs to see Ellen, only to chicken-out at the ground level of her apartment.......it is portrayed as a happy-ending though, because Newland concluded that it was pointless to see her again, someone way back in the past, and that he was satisfied with everything he had now...but in psychology terms, Cognitive Dissonance....or sour grapes...
-----------------------------------------
However, all is not lost..... I watched 2046 today....and despite it having a depressing, sad ending in contrast to Innocence's try-hard serene ending
It showcased a lot of instances, more like all instances that love was purely emotional validation...barriers, like most dark love stories....obstacles that prevented a relationship from ever developing far from.....emotional validation....perhaps...in reality, anything after that is mundane....thats why its never talked about in these films..
yeah, the characters, lots of frame games between them...flash game.....baiting each other to chase....sympathy...pure clean fun and innocent love before things start to get complicated....
ALL the characters in the show...are searching for something worthwhile, but really, most of the time its an escape.. all of them running away as well....however, they don't seem like cowards...haha..because in this movie, it seemed that everyone has done their best and done absolutely everything they can but that it circumstance....thus they suffer...
OK rather than read my weak attempt at describing the story,
"As Chow Mo-Wan's life is revisited, we learn that he is still struggling to get over the loss of his idealized love, Su Li-Zhen. He returns to Hong Kong after being in Singapore for a number of years to try to forget his anguish. To cover up his pain, he becomes a suave ladies man. Chow attends many lavish parties and beds many women." - wikipedia
Now girls, before you start thinking that Tony Leung's character is a big flirt, player type....his not.....*besides trying to defend myself*....he is simply honest with them and sincere most of the time...(there is no hot and cold manipulation in this movie..)...he does not hide his feelings and often expresses it to those he loves...and not because he is saying it or validating girls expecting sex in exchange...Displayed by his love for faye wong, in this case carefree and as a 'friend'.....encouraging her to go to japan to be with her lover...which she did, and got married..
In the final scene, Mr Chow ends up alone and pathetic....i personally don't think its because he couldn't let go of his loss.......
Anyway, if i were to put myself in his shoes....and finally grasping the fact that, everyone ends up lonely...which most ppl would deal with sooner or later....he has everything to be happy about...a fling when he wants to,....so i'm actually quite happy for him!
Anyway, instead of going to BKK this wednesday....decided to delay that trip and go to Macau....to check out, possibly...the film set of 2046, and stay in that hotel.... really excited to travel alone this time.....
Saturday, May 1, 2010
The Dark Side of The Force
I was going to bitch non-stop about an issue from a friend...regarding losers being losers..sigh..but i guess i had better respect that person's privacy......
however it did spark another thought within me..
"It was there that he got the idea to teach public speaking, and he persuaded the "Y" manager to allow him to instruct a class in return for 80% of the net proceeds. In his first session, he had run out of material; improvising, he suggested that students speak about "something that made them angry", and discovered that the technique made speakers unafraid to address a public audience."
The above excerpt was about Dale Carnegie, a renowned self-help writer in the 1930s....
His concepts and ideas are prolly well replicated and copied through the years...However it was after reading the above paragraph that took my attention...even then, i paid little attention to it when i read it yesterday...
Today, after my friend shared with me her particular stringy situation, a bolt of anger struck me in my guts...it was unjust...i would have lashed out at her with my long strands of hypothetics on fear and insecurity and everything that didn't matter in the long term, if not for it being a light-hearted conversation.........
-----------------------------
Anger and frustration.....The primary source of our strength and motivation. Think about it, it is not beauty, or love, or passion.......RATHER, its the lack of these.....lack of materials...lack of beauty, love, passion......ones loneliness, naivete and ignorance that pushes one to go forward to change and put things in the right places...
Go figure!
The same reason why Ari Gold is such a commercially-viable and likable character...or why most anti-heroes resonate with us...
I would like to write more, but recently....the flame has diminished..
because i'm currently standing by the sidelines, sweating over that next big change..
until i get that out of my mind, i'm never in a mood to discuss anything else...
however it did spark another thought within me..
"It was there that he got the idea to teach public speaking, and he persuaded the "Y" manager to allow him to instruct a class in return for 80% of the net proceeds. In his first session, he had run out of material; improvising, he suggested that students speak about "something that made them angry", and discovered that the technique made speakers unafraid to address a public audience."
The above excerpt was about Dale Carnegie, a renowned self-help writer in the 1930s....
His concepts and ideas are prolly well replicated and copied through the years...However it was after reading the above paragraph that took my attention...even then, i paid little attention to it when i read it yesterday...
Today, after my friend shared with me her particular stringy situation, a bolt of anger struck me in my guts...it was unjust...i would have lashed out at her with my long strands of hypothetics on fear and insecurity and everything that didn't matter in the long term, if not for it being a light-hearted conversation.........
-----------------------------
Anger and frustration.....The primary source of our strength and motivation. Think about it, it is not beauty, or love, or passion.......RATHER, its the lack of these.....lack of materials...lack of beauty, love, passion......ones loneliness, naivete and ignorance that pushes one to go forward to change and put things in the right places...
Go figure!
The same reason why Ari Gold is such a commercially-viable and likable character...or why most anti-heroes resonate with us...
I would like to write more, but recently....the flame has diminished..
because i'm currently standing by the sidelines, sweating over that next big change..
until i get that out of my mind, i'm never in a mood to discuss anything else...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
nouvelle vague "dance with me" from bande a part
Dancing scene("the Madison dance") from new wave film "Bande a part"
Song is "dance with me" by nouvelle vague(french for "new wave") in the album of the same name "Bande a part".....thus the song track actually syncs with this video as discovered by a fan...even though the video was never an official release..
Saturday, April 17, 2010
They call it, "the 20 min set to nowhere"....
i just need to whine a bit here...someone did sparked this...but i gotta be the greater person out there and just let it slide..
some ppl can be so full of themselves...
maybe my ego was scratched a little bit.....maybe i'm feeling a bit bitter....that i hate myself for trying to be so overly-nice and dragging this for way too long...*take a deep breath*
forgive & forget....
However, i do have 3 notable mentions this week..(but sorry, would love to shout out your names, but i guess discretion should be practised..since it is personal for me as it is for you..i'm sure you know who you are..)
Thank you 'A' for being merciful, taught me so much about myself in a day....and if i could choose, i would choose to be with you anyday, you're the very very first person that have allowed me to open up so much, might have been because i was a little under the influence of alcohol but still...was very nurturing, not minding and allowing me to display all my vulnerabilities......now, i'm no longer afraid....you also got me to realised what i could obtain. You got a BIG HEART.
Thank you 'B' for broadening my horizons....for holding my hand while i stepped out of my comfort zone...i never expected myself to get into this...for the first time in my life, i actually had someone to lean on...really enjoyed this exciting yet fearful experience....now i love it....i never ever felt this close to becoming a convert....but this may undoubtedly become my new 'religion'....BIG HERO
Thank you 'C'..............for validating me.....we shared great times...and for awhile, my stupidity did ruin things...we may not have been passed that yet.....but one day we will...
at last...a good sleep
i just need to whine a bit here...someone did sparked this...but i gotta be the greater person out there and just let it slide..
some ppl can be so full of themselves...
maybe my ego was scratched a little bit.....maybe i'm feeling a bit bitter....that i hate myself for trying to be so overly-nice and dragging this for way too long...*take a deep breath*
forgive & forget....
However, i do have 3 notable mentions this week..(but sorry, would love to shout out your names, but i guess discretion should be practised..since it is personal for me as it is for you..i'm sure you know who you are..)
Thank you 'A' for being merciful, taught me so much about myself in a day....and if i could choose, i would choose to be with you anyday, you're the very very first person that have allowed me to open up so much, might have been because i was a little under the influence of alcohol but still...was very nurturing, not minding and allowing me to display all my vulnerabilities......now, i'm no longer afraid....you also got me to realised what i could obtain. You got a BIG HEART.
Thank you 'B' for broadening my horizons....for holding my hand while i stepped out of my comfort zone...i never expected myself to get into this...for the first time in my life, i actually had someone to lean on...really enjoyed this exciting yet fearful experience....now i love it....i never ever felt this close to becoming a convert....but this may undoubtedly become my new 'religion'....BIG HERO
Thank you 'C'..............for validating me.....we shared great times...and for awhile, my stupidity did ruin things...we may not have been passed that yet.....but one day we will...
at last...a good sleep
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The Clash Of The Titans
NO, this has got nothing to do with that lame-shit-piece-of-ass they call a movie.
Reiterating what Hock Chuan mentioned 2 months ago (time warps when you endrudge yourself in such unconventional affairs) "Even when we become masters, we're still slaves to the opposite sex."
I got the opportunity to face off yet again with another high-level boss...i was strewn into bits the moment i stepped into her den. How could you be so dexterous at the age of 22..........thinking back, she didn't have to do much.....
As men, i had to proactively go out on the prowl and when that moment comes i cling onto it for practise. However, they don't have to...standing before me were older men, 3 to 4 of them each night(when its not even crowded) offering their cocks in exchange for a teasing rejection of push-pull effect... because the message was so subliminal, the conciousness of these men refuse to back down but continue their voluminous yet pathetic social pressure. Which all contribute to their demise since it is so skillfully deflected...
All the time i was in awe... How the hell could i ever pull this off... Seeking desperately for emotional connection that in the end may not even matter... Even though I've managed to adapt logistically, it all boils down to dominantly pulling off a sexual frame and i failed to deliver...
Though I've gone much further and explored a different facet this time and counts as a success in the long run. This is still an epic failure could have been avoided if I managed to fake it till i make it. It would have been that easy if I only had the guts to taste the forbidden fruit.
Reiterating what Hock Chuan mentioned 2 months ago (time warps when you endrudge yourself in such unconventional affairs) "Even when we become masters, we're still slaves to the opposite sex."
I got the opportunity to face off yet again with another high-level boss...i was strewn into bits the moment i stepped into her den. How could you be so dexterous at the age of 22..........thinking back, she didn't have to do much.....
As men, i had to proactively go out on the prowl and when that moment comes i cling onto it for practise. However, they don't have to...standing before me were older men, 3 to 4 of them each night(when its not even crowded) offering their cocks in exchange for a teasing rejection of push-pull effect... because the message was so subliminal, the conciousness of these men refuse to back down but continue their voluminous yet pathetic social pressure. Which all contribute to their demise since it is so skillfully deflected...
All the time i was in awe... How the hell could i ever pull this off... Seeking desperately for emotional connection that in the end may not even matter... Even though I've managed to adapt logistically, it all boils down to dominantly pulling off a sexual frame and i failed to deliver...
Though I've gone much further and explored a different facet this time and counts as a success in the long run. This is still an epic failure could have been avoided if I managed to fake it till i make it. It would have been that easy if I only had the guts to taste the forbidden fruit.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
o_O psychedelic drugs
Would you take it?..not knowing what might be installed for you if only you had taken it.....don't you get curious about things that could have been if only you had acted a little differently?
GOD DAMN IT!!!!.......this was one of those times where there was an opening(this wasn't the first time, and now i hate my guts), and i picked the red pill over the blue one because i wasn't adventurous enough!!!!...FUCK!
i only realised this today, after reminiscing about the events that happened.....
reminds me of something robert kyosaki mentioned in his rich dad poor dad, that some guy, which i've forgotten the name, was very rich...and the stock market crashed. He lost all his money and became bankrupt...but within 2 years or so time, he earned back his fortune.....
why? because he knew how to manipulate money...he could spot these investment opportunities that common ppl were blind to, the rest of the world didn't have enough experience in investing compared to the ones who could identify these opportunities and grab hold onto them...
many people around me, or rather a huge majority of them would always say that i think too far...and it wasn't even because i was sharing with them some over-the-top, building-castles-in-the-air, overly-ambitious-grand scheme..................it was because i had a broader perspective, of limitless possibilities available to me...
ppl think its ridiculous......i think its not enough, i think i wasn't thinking further...i need to think outside of my box so much more for what i hope to achieve...to spot those yummy golden nuggets
oh man!!.....and the fact that human beings have logic and could plan things in advance....its more of an impairment than an asset......holding on to my belief that we are emotional creatures afterall, the logic and the ability to plan, only inhibits yourself from higher order powers such as creativity, innovation and moments of brilliance from ever being realised!
it seems that we use logic and plan for things only because we are afraid of it. Afraid that things will not happen as we would like....and we seek to restrict/govern it in fear instead of letting it grow free-form
and we so often shoot ourselves in the foot, curb our own greatness....sacrificing a great opportunity only to have things "go as planned"...
Sigh.....i was constantly in my head and thinking of what needs to be done...instead of letting loose and "feel the force"....if only i had forgo all inhibitions, such as time-constraint.....why measure time?! why have routines?!...if you broke these, you could just get what you were looking for!
it was like rushing off to work to earn a living when you had a billions dollars on your head...if only you took the time to look up and NOT AHEAD
*knock my head against the wall*
GOD DAMN IT!!!!.......this was one of those times where there was an opening(this wasn't the first time, and now i hate my guts), and i picked the red pill over the blue one because i wasn't adventurous enough!!!!...FUCK!
i only realised this today, after reminiscing about the events that happened.....
reminds me of something robert kyosaki mentioned in his rich dad poor dad, that some guy, which i've forgotten the name, was very rich...and the stock market crashed. He lost all his money and became bankrupt...but within 2 years or so time, he earned back his fortune.....
why? because he knew how to manipulate money...he could spot these investment opportunities that common ppl were blind to, the rest of the world didn't have enough experience in investing compared to the ones who could identify these opportunities and grab hold onto them...
many people around me, or rather a huge majority of them would always say that i think too far...and it wasn't even because i was sharing with them some over-the-top, building-castles-in-the-air, overly-ambitious-grand scheme..................it was because i had a broader perspective, of limitless possibilities available to me...
ppl think its ridiculous......i think its not enough, i think i wasn't thinking further...i need to think outside of my box so much more for what i hope to achieve...to spot those yummy golden nuggets
oh man!!.....and the fact that human beings have logic and could plan things in advance....its more of an impairment than an asset......holding on to my belief that we are emotional creatures afterall, the logic and the ability to plan, only inhibits yourself from higher order powers such as creativity, innovation and moments of brilliance from ever being realised!
it seems that we use logic and plan for things only because we are afraid of it. Afraid that things will not happen as we would like....and we seek to restrict/govern it in fear instead of letting it grow free-form
and we so often shoot ourselves in the foot, curb our own greatness....sacrificing a great opportunity only to have things "go as planned"...
Sigh.....i was constantly in my head and thinking of what needs to be done...instead of letting loose and "feel the force"....if only i had forgo all inhibitions, such as time-constraint.....why measure time?! why have routines?!...if you broke these, you could just get what you were looking for!
it was like rushing off to work to earn a living when you had a billions dollars on your head...if only you took the time to look up and NOT AHEAD
*knock my head against the wall*
Marriage is not the cure for lonliness.
Short post...
Despite my best efforts to hide my desperation...i sometimes crack and that tidal of emotional turmoil comes pouring out.
Its not easy and it definitely take some immense amount of soul searching and the discipline of a warrior to cast it out..
Until this day, i am far from perfect....my dreams of at least becoming an Ari Gold in this life will be a long journey from here...
For a moment just now, my weakness as a human being was exposed....i always approach from a "mutual-benefit" pov, but for awhile i lost it, and was a little selfish.....it feels like an infringement on ppl's rights..
That's all
Despite my best efforts to hide my desperation...i sometimes crack and that tidal of emotional turmoil comes pouring out.
Its not easy and it definitely take some immense amount of soul searching and the discipline of a warrior to cast it out..
Until this day, i am far from perfect....my dreams of at least becoming an Ari Gold in this life will be a long journey from here...
For a moment just now, my weakness as a human being was exposed....i always approach from a "mutual-benefit" pov, but for awhile i lost it, and was a little selfish.....it feels like an infringement on ppl's rights..
That's all
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Change
I cried after watching this episode...the ending hints of a separation between Ari Gold and Vincent Chase...
Ari worked so hard to try an secure Vince role as the 2nd lead for a film, Smoke Jumpers. But in the process of doing so, John, president of Warner Bros studios which owns Smoke Jumpers offers him the position of Head of the company...an opportunity that he cannot deny(1. a brighter future for himself, 2. the only way to put Vince in Smoke Jumpers now that he can head the studio that makes it.) but that would mean he has to quit his agency, which spells the end of being Vince's agent and the relieve of his duties.
As both head off in their separate directions in search of answers, their futures lies in the bleakness of uncertainty..
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Wake up
i was almost going into the same patterns of self-destruction that if i wasn't as careful, it would have been too late...
phew....it was lucky that i decided to pack my room again today, and for awhile my mind was clear and running at its bare minimal...
i wasn't thinking too hard about anything....each time i picked up another under-appreciated piece of relic....it took me less than 2 seconds to decide that it has to go down along with the rest of the trash..
sorting out the details in life.....its hard to spell out the murmur from the noise....that important piece of evidence from the dump...
before i was too caught up in the heat of the moment...i remembered to take a step back to think it clearly before i let my emotions get in the way and be cast into that cursed frame like so many many many many many many many previous times...
and its not that simple....i'm not sure if i can get out....but i have to...or they will all end the same way...better quarantine those negative affirmations before its too late.
friend or foe?
phew....it was lucky that i decided to pack my room again today, and for awhile my mind was clear and running at its bare minimal...
i wasn't thinking too hard about anything....each time i picked up another under-appreciated piece of relic....it took me less than 2 seconds to decide that it has to go down along with the rest of the trash..
sorting out the details in life.....its hard to spell out the murmur from the noise....that important piece of evidence from the dump...
before i was too caught up in the heat of the moment...i remembered to take a step back to think it clearly before i let my emotions get in the way and be cast into that cursed frame like so many many many many many many many previous times...
and its not that simple....i'm not sure if i can get out....but i have to...or they will all end the same way...better quarantine those negative affirmations before its too late.
friend or foe?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Zach and The Great April Fool Challenge
I'll be in and out of here at the speed of light...
I felt like i've been too soft on myself for the past 2 days.....well almost for the past 3-4 weeks...yeah sure..there are certain times where it is turned on, but they were reactive, which is good, but also means that i haven't been putting in much effort recently, though surprisingly, luck seems to be on my side....
will prolly turn out smoothly even if i let time take control....
blah blah blah......my ego needs some re-stroking...i need to feel in control once more...
i'm so excited...i'm going to hold such common tests for myself once every two weeks...until i get the hang of it to make it more often...this will thrust me forward, as i have nothing to work on right now....
gtg now....the world is waiting, and the world is not enough.
I felt like i've been too soft on myself for the past 2 days.....well almost for the past 3-4 weeks...yeah sure..there are certain times where it is turned on, but they were reactive, which is good, but also means that i haven't been putting in much effort recently, though surprisingly, luck seems to be on my side....
will prolly turn out smoothly even if i let time take control....
blah blah blah......my ego needs some re-stroking...i need to feel in control once more...
i'm so excited...i'm going to hold such common tests for myself once every two weeks...until i get the hang of it to make it more often...this will thrust me forward, as i have nothing to work on right now....
gtg now....the world is waiting, and the world is not enough.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Walls
a constant game of discovering your own weaknesses...and obstacles that you may run into, creating solutions to overcome it....or points that you already know, but don't know how to go about applying it...
i only have myself to revel in this joy...
it is true that...even if i could tell somebody...no one could understand the joy that i'm going thru....
its like trying to explain to others that you had the confidence to jump off an airplane and the satisfaction that you got from doing something that others could barely imagine...
i only have myself to revel in this joy...
it is true that...even if i could tell somebody...no one could understand the joy that i'm going thru....
its like trying to explain to others that you had the confidence to jump off an airplane and the satisfaction that you got from doing something that others could barely imagine...
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
LIMIT BREAK, POINT BREAK
To live life truly liberated, just can't have any limitations, boundaries in the way....And i mention this again, we are bounded not just by laws, we are repressed by our greatest enemy....
Insecurity.
There are always new levels to this mental masturbatory game i play with myself...I've made more progress, mistakes, failures in the past 8 months and its all ok....its all constructive....
But sometimes, there are times where you cave in and feel weak, helpless and vulnerable...(and sadly, most ppl leave you when they see you in your most pathetic state....when that glass wall is broken...) it shows that you arent strong enough to keep it up, to hold on to that smile.
I dont even think its that hard....now that i reflect upon this issue....its easily replicated...
Breaking away from the frame that was set by your past.
"You've become a different person overnight"
OK......you got to believe me that this can be done otherwise i wouldn't be wasting my time here..
For e.g but not limited to....your boss or friends or family and everyone around you thinks of you as a loser....
How do you,
A. Make them see you in a different light....
B. More importantly, see yourself in a different light...
i don't really want to go on anymore, but i think this would benefit anybody that reads this....
so i'll just summarise and you can imagine...
Step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself...with each challenge that you overcome, you become more confident...the challenges comes in all forms shapes and sizes... For me, its SOC, scaling physical obstacles, doing approaches, breaking rapport, building rapport, kinesthesia, buying temperature, glaring contest......
"The meaning of the term "buying temperature" is a sales term that is used to describe any sales technique or sales skill that allows the sales person to determine how hot or cold the customer is to making a buying decision. Often during the sales process buying signals can be over looked by the sales person and the opportunity to close the sale will be passed by. When techniques are employed, through the use of asking the prospect the right questions, listening closely to the response, and also being alert to the prospects body language and other reactions, the sales person will be able to zero in on buying signals that are being expressed. These signs and signals, be they positive or negative -- hot or cold -- will help to demonstrate to the sales person how far along or far away the prospect is to making a decision, hence the term "buying temperature". The definition of "buying temperature" was once thought to have originated from the idea that when a prospect gets excited about the product or service being sold, his body temperature goes up" - sales.about.com
momentum and consistency...you always have to keep the challenges coming...every moment...i don't remember the last time i took a rest or break from all this...it does feel like its moving too fast for comfort....and there are times where i just tell myself, that i'm gonna sit back...but once the habit of dealing with the challenges is ingrained in you...the next moment, even if you hate to....the next opportunity or challenge that arises, you can't help it but step forward and up for it..is hard for a quiet person to speak up, similarly, its hard for a loud person to tone down..
Congruency and framing. ppl that you know, old friends, bosses, family....are going to shit-test you for congruency, lay their iron chains on you.....in other words, the mind games and the one that gives in emotionally loses..(sorry, i no longer know how to explain this in simpler terms)
all the frame-control plays out, whether you're the dominant or the submissive....
Think "supernanny", the little kids are the ones in control, and their parents are at their mercy..
i guess i caught up on this quickly....because i was shouting, arguing, rebelling, attention-seeking constantly...my kindergarden teachers through out sch.....i don't give a fuck what my parents whatever...
In Singapore, its often that you see groups where all of them are submissives....like a group of nerds....Don't mean to be mean, but they are like the untouchables...it sucks to hang out with them...i'm nice to them, but its just hard to be interested................................................................
Its not too late to start now...any thing you want to do...
Our fears and insecurities and cultural upbringing and passe genetic coding no longer puts us at a competitive edge as a citizen of the world today. How would your existence perform in this global habitat, "As of 13 March 2010, the Earth's human population is estimated by the United States Census Bureau to be 6,808,100,000."(6.8 billion)
Insecurity.
There are always new levels to this mental masturbatory game i play with myself...I've made more progress, mistakes, failures in the past 8 months and its all ok....its all constructive....
But sometimes, there are times where you cave in and feel weak, helpless and vulnerable...(and sadly, most ppl leave you when they see you in your most pathetic state....when that glass wall is broken...) it shows that you arent strong enough to keep it up, to hold on to that smile.
I dont even think its that hard....now that i reflect upon this issue....its easily replicated...
Breaking away from the frame that was set by your past.
"You've become a different person overnight"
OK......you got to believe me that this can be done otherwise i wouldn't be wasting my time here..
For e.g but not limited to....your boss or friends or family and everyone around you thinks of you as a loser....
How do you,
A. Make them see you in a different light....
B. More importantly, see yourself in a different light...
i don't really want to go on anymore, but i think this would benefit anybody that reads this....
so i'll just summarise and you can imagine...
Step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself...with each challenge that you overcome, you become more confident...the challenges comes in all forms shapes and sizes... For me, its SOC, scaling physical obstacles, doing approaches, breaking rapport, building rapport, kinesthesia, buying temperature, glaring contest......
"The meaning of the term "buying temperature" is a sales term that is used to describe any sales technique or sales skill that allows the sales person to determine how hot or cold the customer is to making a buying decision. Often during the sales process buying signals can be over looked by the sales person and the opportunity to close the sale will be passed by. When techniques are employed, through the use of asking the prospect the right questions, listening closely to the response, and also being alert to the prospects body language and other reactions, the sales person will be able to zero in on buying signals that are being expressed. These signs and signals, be they positive or negative -- hot or cold -- will help to demonstrate to the sales person how far along or far away the prospect is to making a decision, hence the term "buying temperature". The definition of "buying temperature" was once thought to have originated from the idea that when a prospect gets excited about the product or service being sold, his body temperature goes up" - sales.about.com
momentum and consistency...you always have to keep the challenges coming...every moment...i don't remember the last time i took a rest or break from all this...it does feel like its moving too fast for comfort....and there are times where i just tell myself, that i'm gonna sit back...but once the habit of dealing with the challenges is ingrained in you...the next moment, even if you hate to....the next opportunity or challenge that arises, you can't help it but step forward and up for it..is hard for a quiet person to speak up, similarly, its hard for a loud person to tone down..
Congruency and framing. ppl that you know, old friends, bosses, family....are going to shit-test you for congruency, lay their iron chains on you.....in other words, the mind games and the one that gives in emotionally loses..(sorry, i no longer know how to explain this in simpler terms)
all the frame-control plays out, whether you're the dominant or the submissive....
Think "supernanny", the little kids are the ones in control, and their parents are at their mercy..
i guess i caught up on this quickly....because i was shouting, arguing, rebelling, attention-seeking constantly...my kindergarden teachers through out sch.....i don't give a fuck what my parents whatever...
In Singapore, its often that you see groups where all of them are submissives....like a group of nerds....Don't mean to be mean, but they are like the untouchables...it sucks to hang out with them...i'm nice to them, but its just hard to be interested................................................................
Its not too late to start now...any thing you want to do...
Our fears and insecurities and cultural upbringing and passe genetic coding no longer puts us at a competitive edge as a citizen of the world today. How would your existence perform in this global habitat, "As of 13 March 2010, the Earth's human population is estimated by the United States Census Bureau to be 6,808,100,000."(6.8 billion)
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