Rough Patches..

Zach IS BACK

EXTREME MAKEOVER COMPLETE..... XD

• Ear pierced................................................checked
• Contact lenses...........................................checked
• Hair cut..abit long again though.............checked

don't know what else i can experiment with my face anymore...hmm...maybe my nose needs a bit of restructring to make it pointy like ang moh............but nah

Expenses this month were in the 700-800 range....which is...well...bad, but considering the change i got with it......i still need my next months pay to buy my air tickets.....and i don't know if Mount Rainier is still hiring in the months of may and june.....

anyway, that was just me keeping my future in check.....i guess theres nothing much i can do....except to posthumously improve my chances......i've already broken so many barriers in the past 2 weeks, more pieces to the puzzle... and i thought i could only learn from strangers in general, but this time, so much of the experience has been from someone i was close to or rather, felt really needy towards, but willing to just risk it all in the name of experiential learning.....

the obstacles that i faced.....like 'state management'....will surely come in handy in future....i threw myself into the deep end so that i could learn to cope...

state management, jealously, thrusting my ego out into the open to be exposed to embarassment... and then dealing with that whole feeling sorry-for-myself and self-pity because my ego was punctured and knowing that its just a state of psychology that you had to revert so that you would not go down spirally..

when you have reality in check, and not your feelings..........i mean....hey....I'm so good-looking, nobody can take that away from me....its my framing against theirs...and well i might have lost a few frame games, i have won some as well...

oh a simple way is to think of faults that the hot girl has other than knowing you're attractive...

I recommend everyone to get a rebound, even though according to conventional social wisdom, is bad....but i guess it helps so much...once you enter that creepiness or neediness frame, got rejected, ego burnt.....make a rebound...it reassures your confidence about yourself....i'm hoping that it never becomes a clutch that one has to rely on....because my main objective was always to acheive social freedom and like ppl like to critisise me with "Not everybody is as liberal as you..." and i'll take that as a compliment..whaahhaha..if i rely on rebounds, then its just be the same.....validation from others to feel secure...

this got me a whole new perspective of the 'FRIEND ZONE'.......and it goes something like this..

it is composed with intent to communicate the idea to the wider audience...

This is why making guy your best friend is the worst thing you can do...

• you're just relieveing him of the pain of rejection, which well actually HELPS HIM GROW..
• giving him false hope, that he will one day get a chance..
• leaving him in catch 22...that he can never ever get out on his own unless he meets someone who is really understanding... "he will never choose to lose you, yet he can't have you"
• he will never be able to move on & meet other girls.....

this advise is not only directed at girls but guys too...cos if you focus too much on the 20-min-set-to-nowhere... you're not opening up new opportunities....

And thanks for everyone over the recent months who have checked in with me on my self-discovery bullshit.....part entertainment part enriching............i would really thank you here one by one...but i guess most would rather remain annonymous...its a curse to be associated with this psychopath...

Katrina And The Waves - Walking On Sunshine Official Music Video

The music video kinda sucks...but...just gotta express how i feel...wahahah..This feels GREAT

COCKY FunNY...lol

WAHAHAHAha...its nice getting to hear my mum's perspective about creepiness.....she was telling me all her stories....and most of it included how scared she was of guys....lol..

told me about my dad's cocky-funny pick up lines....that even involves...push-pull and scarcity..haha..

for awhile i thought women couldn't get the big picture....but shes proven me wrong..

at least now i'm more understanding..haha.

LG Seamless Entertainment TV Commercial

boundaries...so true..

I AM BUMPED....

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20 mins set to nowhere..............no where!

i got all the balls in the world....but no clue on how to do it.......

i can't escape insecurity.....

I AM ETERNALLY HUMBLED...

but i hate it!......i just hate feeling helpless and i can't do shit bout anything....

I didn't take the fucking lead!

Song To Say Goodbye - Placebo

yeah..just one of the many great songs by Placebo...and this short film with it.... Its pretty long, so put your instant conversations on hold...

Deep breathing....

Phew......its hard it quell the hit i just took to my ego....always maintain the eye on the prize and think a step ahead of others....

its extraordinary how much humaness exist within me....cos i wanna pull my heart out right now...in a while i'm resorting to emergency procedures to curb with this impending negative state...i'm not going to be a wimp to stand this crap again.....

its all too familiar over the past few months....i don't even have time to grow out of it....obstacles and burdens are part of the game...i'm just going to learn to manage them...i'm planning trips and logistics here and there....problems like these pop up all the time....

when we were in Taichung, we didn't decide to go there, we just went there cos we didn't have enough money to go to kaohsiung, and we booked the hostel thru a pay phone in the train station..

Shiping knocked some sense into me when he told me "shes like fking trying to get in ur pants, and ur blocking ur own cock" which i thought was reall funny and made lots of sense...

Sometimes we think too little of superficiality... i could spot incongruence easily...but even if i couldn't, its is still a fake.... just because something looks real doesn't mean its real...its still fake..

"Whenever you meet a beautiful woman, just remember somewhere there's a man who's sick of shagging her."

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ok i'm feeling better now.....nothing is as bad as it seems... now i'm contradicting..but its true..... have some positivity..cos its never that bad to begin with.............

LOGISTICS

logistics logistics logistics....

negative state, negative energy....

oh come on....definitely i can do better than that....

THINK on your FEET DUDE!!!!!....Easy weasy problem freeeeeeeeee.

Love Is a Game. Easy to Start, Hard to Finish

Love is a Game, Easy to Start, Hard to Finish...

oh...when did zach ever sound as if he reads relationship advice from dating columns? is that really all that unique?

if this is your first time at my blog, then it probably won't be your last....

its hard to step out of negativity, but please at least try....and the only way to prevent it is not to get there in the first place....and keeping your eyes on the prize...

i didn't manage to push past the pain period today, and yeah it sucks....cos the mind would always create a huge list of excuses for you not to do it.....and at the end of the day, the only way to convince yourself...is to tell yourself, that you do only have 28,251 days......nothing is ever really that important, even the humiliation and the crumble of your own ego is but a worthwhile

experience to nurture some balls of steel....

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Thats it....here are a couple of rules to LIVE by...(adapted from MM)

Rule #1 - FOCUS ON THE MANY

firstly, due to the importance imposed on every interaction, your fears will be heightened, making it much more difficult...

lower expectations...

Rule #2 - Don't obsess over any ONE girl...

Rule #3 - Don't try to fix things in the Damage Zone. Figure what went wrong and fix them
for the next girl and don't get in the damage zone.

from first-hand experience, i think its not that difficult once you get the hang of it of incorporating it in your life.....

oh well, it does seem pretty cruel and insincere at first glance...but really, its just a colder version of relationship advice that is being dished out to the heartbroken...like....GET A LIFE, MOVE ON...lol...i do have to slap myself if i thread to close to the edge....hey, emotions are incontrollable....

esp jealousy, #1 game killer, highly insecure....... Guys, you don't have to compete, you don't have to chuck everyone out of the way....be happy for others who succeed...Make love not war..

Love Is a Game. Easy to Start, Hard to Finish

EXREME MAKEOVER

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY....

hey man, i decided out of abruptness, that i'm going to get a fucking makeover this week, a frickin drastic one.......its to do with the whole theme of being reckless....no more stupid careful thoughts about things...its better to make mistakes and learn than to stay stagnent and breed dengue....

The Smashing Pumpkins "Cherub Rock" Live Musique Plus 4 of 8

experienced rock concert camera crew make this video really good......

now i'm inspired.

Entourage - Ari Gold's Best THE ORIGINAL (By Louididdy)

Love or hate me....

apparently i still feel i can't express myself well enough in this world....the difference between insecurity and everything else is such a big blur...

i still can't get my head around sincerity....

facing dark times right now....hope you guys have your lives figured out...haha...again wrong statement...i don't think anybody is happy....

this just reminded me of a statement by Ari Gold.....

Ari: "Nobody’s happy in this town except for the losers. Look at me, I’m miserable, that’s why I’m rich."


i know its a little late recommending you guys to watch entourage....its great series that includes trade secrets in the entertainment businesses..and how its ran and managed...

its a great series....cos the plot and conflict is always simple...no weird conspiracies or twist endings.....at the end of each episode you're either left feeling really happy about the characters or sink into depravity because.......it puts the human aspect of celebrities in light..

before i end this, Ari Gold is the one of those characters that you absolutely can't help but pity....
he is the main guy that deserves all the credit for all he has done......as he is constantly seeking new opportunities and making ends meet...but is always deserted by others, and being blamed when things go awry.....the only guy in the whole show that is willing to sacrifice everything including his marriage and family just to suceed in his career... and being held slave by his job....almost like a love-hate relationship...

he also has the best lines in the show....and the loudest personality....the producers put a lot of thought into his character, making look as if he is constantly in putting up a front.....he runs his life like a battle......conference room is war room....employees to lieutenants.....

if you constantly enjoy pitying characters like these, chuck bass in gossip girl or cry for Imhotep in the Mummy, daniel in freaks and geeks.........its deep deep deep pleasure for all you self-mutilating pervs..

Wizard Of Oz

alright, sit tight and relax....cos this is going to be a really really long post.....i was intending to fully concentrate, but then again, i'm just like to challenge myself by putting on Dirty Pretty Things on wmp and then write this post....

so...why the hell are most of you here reading this.....are you guys suffering impotency?....i sure feel like i'm impotent these days...or maybe we've been impotent the whole time, and not realise the emptiness of it all, until those awkward moments where you're about to get it on and fuck, you're face to face all naked, suddenly you lose that momentum....

i know for a fact that, most of you out there are living empty lives...doesn't matter if you have this grand economic stimulus plan...it is nothing but still a plan until you start living it.

for me? the least i'm trying right now, is to create and follow a routine.... and the hardest part, and you all know it, is the self-discipline to follow it and change whatever is it you hate, or create positive patterns....

heres a e.g of my routine..

• 1 book a week (i'm currently reading the book by khoo swee chiow, about his icy expeditions..)
• fag only having approaching 5 sets (i'm letting myself off too easily, its easy to hit 5, but its also hard to get started...of course i'll have to up the difficulty, but till then i just have to get started, or i can't touch myself)
• learn 1 song a week..(haven't practised for the past 6 months, but i have to learn like 4 or 5 songs by tmr...cos we're planning to jam tmr..)
• save $350 a month for the trip to Orlando, FL in july......(will i miss my uni matriculation/orientation?? don't give a shit man)

of course theres the checklist of goals that i have to obtain in every social interaction....more on that later...

Now, on my interpretation on Wizard of Oz....

Scarecrow - was rescued from a pole which he was tied onto by dorothy....wants a brain...in reality, he doesn't know that he was just made 2 days ago and was thus still ignorant...

thinks his stupid thus went on the quest in search of brains...

Tin Woodman - originally a man, but because he fell in love with witch of the east's maid that his axe was placed under a spelled that chopped his limbs off one by one....and continued to chop him up(go figure)......some guy saved him by constantly replacing his body parts with tin prosthetics until he was made entirely of tin, but neglected to replace his heart....

wants his heart, emotions back....and because dorothy lubed him up, thus agreed to go on the quest to regain a heart...

Cowardly Lion- Yeah, contrary to stereotypical lions being brave, as their known as 'king of beasts' he is able to feel fear, and thus believes that his fear makes him inadequate.....

however he does not understand that fear is innate and that courage is acting out in times of fear...

yeah its obvious where i'm leading to....brains, love, and courage or dominance are what i'm in search of too...its weird though, its popular belief that all these are mere characteristics of a person's personality which cannot be obtained....i mean the mere 'idea' of it is just ridiculous...saying its not them, they don't enjoy these and that, they don't like displaying attractive qualities of themselves or that they don't have any....that putting on nice clothes or putting make-up is not something they like to do or even not being able to step out of the house without make-up on......exercising or staying healthy is not part of their lifestyle?..

i know its rude to criticise certain 'dimensions' of seeing things...

moral of the story, the characters all possessed whatever they're looking for....just the intangible forms though, not the tangible brain, heart and courage...rather.....they obtained the faith in themselves thru various obstacles they met along the way.. which they didn't have so i guess the overarching principle is still faith...

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The faith in that you're able to get whaat.......i'll leave that inspirational self-help, since we've all heard enough of it....but not taking any action..

this leads me to my 'impotency'.....i guess i now have a clearer picture of the differences between 'rapport', 'emotional connection', 'physical connection', 'social vibing', 'buying temperature' 'moxie-the ability to lead thru all this various states in interaction'........(this is an e.g of the checklist...)

i'm losing touch sometimes these days, not all the time but still sometimes....yeah i know what you're all going to say......that, "human chemistry can't be built...try too hard and you get salesperson vibe.."

and btw...that awkwardness..ah.....its scary.....one too many..but then again..don't blow yourself out...every interaction is rocky, just try to regain some of the momentum and start over...its always possible to recover.....its like a soccer match...its a draw by half-time, and everyone worries if its going to be a goal-less draw.....just go all the way to the end, you might just score a goal by stoppage time...or it could be you're down 2-0 by half-time....but thers always enough time to score 3 goals in 45 mins...just change your strategy..

Shotgun