Transformers..

Heartwork - 19
Anthony 'Dream' Johnson - 20
Jon Sinn - 24

Inspiration

Ok...real quick....

Just got off the train talking to this guy..... 50, goes to gym and wakes up at 4 everyday to work out and jog......in really good shape...eats very little carbo, only meat and vegetables..drinks lots of water....no alcohol or smoking, commercial diver for a shipping company, model...was divorced... dating a caucasian american whos only 30 this year, when they started dating, it was 10 years ago.....

Right... Go figure...

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hmm....*scratches his chin*.....why would someone like him be found on the train?...

i conclude..... having a car is overrated...

Hide with Spread Beaver - ROCKET DIVE (PV)

I cried to this song a few weeks ago, can't rmb......that last week of august me and chung's went to baybeats and got really disgusted at the whole event....The bleak picture that he paints, and that strength to chase..

Brave the Fire of Rejection

The Embodiment Of Masculinity

*There was a whole lot of content that was deleted before i find myself doing anything stupid.*

OK its hard...to repress myself...seriously..all forms of repression is uncomfortable..i'll get use to it.

Please hate me, reject me, abuse me, humiliate me

Ziqzak

Katy Perry - Thinking of You

Come on God! Do I Seem Bullet-Proof?!

yes that was a reference to a Red Hot Chilli Peppers song, fortune faded...

Its a line that i probably read only once, but its been carved into my mind ever since..

Everytime, one of these moments of emotional turmoil or unrest....the line never fail to pop up in my head.... I look up to the night sky and ask myself in 'emo first-person'...

The recent roller-coaster ride that i've embarked on, has painted colours into my life so fast, mtv-style that, i'm lovin' it, yet swings me about that i'm bound to be thrown off somewhere..

I guess with these colours flashing before my very eyes, i'm appreciating, slowly swallowing every bit of it, on hold and in control.


I wanna begin with first talking about my recent crush on Katy Perry which started about 15 mins ago....I feel i should go about telling this story backwards(haha...forgot which movie was it..)

I read articles about her last year on juice magazine, that she is an up-and-coming starlet....it was no until recent weeks that i started questioning my radio-friendly friends,

"Who is this person that sings 'Cos your hot n you're cold, you're yes and youre no, you're in and you're out, you're up and you're down. You're wrong when its right, its black when its white, we fight we break up, we kiss we make up.'?"

yeah...as usual, these catchy lyrics burst into my head fast and furious, i went on an uncontrolled spam of unearthing searches on her songs on youtube.....

her lyrics and videos, Hot 'N' Cold, I Kissed a Girl, Thinking of You, made me stood up immediately (hehe, i know what you're thinking).... her answers were what i was looking for from a girl's perspective and it was so relevant..

(i searched 'boyfriend destroyers' much earlier....lol)

read her up as usual on wikipedia....like i did for leslie feist, katie white, leighton meester, sophie marceau, sienna miller, lin chi ling, cai shu zhen, sasha grey, jesse jane, maria ozawa...WAHAHA.....XDXDXD....and not to be tacit but well she is nothing short of interesting....and listening to her emotionally-fuelled songs from her album that i just illegally downloaded...

"Dear Katy Perry,

maybe we're not going to ever bump into each other this life, maybe i'll never even get the chance to say hi, let alone unleash a flurry of routines.....i truly cherish your presence in this industry and brought the colours in my life into something of a much thicker shade...Thanks for the female perspective without being hardcore feministic....

Young teenage girls should idolise you and put PussyCatDolls to the trash.

I'm emotionally-connected, indebted to you...

-Zachery Pang Ziqi "



I'm in Love yet again.....in the more naive, more selfish and less selfless sense of the word....

At least i realised now, that love is really tangible...in that besides being a less than elusive emotion,i learnt about myself, and those i chose to fall in 'neediness' with....

I realised that for myself......and assuming that evolutionary theory is true, i'm speaking on behalf of human males... We're only in 'Love' with those that validate our ego the most..we pay the most attention to the girls who make us feel good with ourselves(they are not necessarily pretty)....guys are really insecure..and if a girl tells us that we're some guy that they'll like to spend their entire lives with....a guy probably doesn't have a choice...we would probably marry her, pass on our genes and be happy. In this case, evolution and natural selection has only a limited extent of influence in the human race, and that we are ruled by emotions after all..

Reality is ugly, so is being an ugly or fat girl, you don't have to worry....guys will still give their heart and soul to you if you know how to play the game.

(gonna speed up the process, i gotta meet my friends for a movie, 'Whatever Works', a 'dude-flick' disguised as a 'chick-flick' go check out the trailer on youtube)

And girls, and only concerning those that display at least a slight interest in me..... They assume and ending up making me up to be somebody, well that i'm really not....some fairy-tale, or some guy they want to be swept away by, but i've always failed miserably and turn out to be that uglier half, which is the needier, binding wires sort....Such assumptions by them i assume could be due to some behaviors that i portray of my 'ideal, perfect' self that i'm still struggling to become....the dhvs or emotional value similar to those present in pop-culture....

Like for e.g this stupid english accent that i've developed for myself in primary school....or being emo and irrational...i will talk about my idiosyncrasies the other day.....

In this case, advice such as "Fake it till you Make it." actually works, just that you gotta practise it till you get a certain degree of congruency.....one's gotta believe it to be really congruent or ppl could easily spot a fake....and that's where inner game comes in.....

Boyfriends and girlfriends?....i have a phobia of relationships now, though it is inherent in nature...i also see the ugly side that ppl get too comfortable and do not want to get someone of better 'quality'.....like the really beautiful woman in her late 30s deciding to settle down because she knows that her beauty won't last...and that she cannot trade her present boyfriend for someone more exciting...as much as ppl want to believe that their relationships are perfect, we all know that it is strife with insecurities and distress..

Also, does that exciting boyfriend really exist? or just another facade...

Yet, from the other side, We love to live in our fantasy worlds in that a large part of it do still remain in fantasy but it does interfere with our decision making..

ok...i'm quite distracted now, so neither do i want to degrade the quality of this post.......as usual....these ramblings seldom comes with a conclusion, and i hope it sparks some reflection of your own..

Nothing is absolute. I may be wrong, as I made my observations from my approaches and the targets and my past experiences.....add one to one...does it really add up?...

do not hesitate to critique on the comments below what i just said....i really want to hear a voice that is not as naive, cynical as mine...


" I can't help it..."
-Ziqzak

Ego, The Self-image

i've gain a new revelation.....

insecurities are part of a bigger piece of a person's mind

Ego, how highly one thinks of himself, or herself...sometimes, 'insecurities' may not be the justifiable word for how one views himself...(apologize for my weak grasp in such psychological concepts..)....But in order to make oneself look good and dominant.....one may submit to his own ego which in the best case scenario, its good.....while in the worst case scenario, he would be in denial...blah blah blah

until i can explain these in proper terms, i shall not confuse you guys, cos i haven't thought thru it yet....


Anyway, in an interaction.....i'vejust learnt from evan and realised some of this from whatever resources i've read that...its not good to 'show hand'....its good to create 'fishing lines' unanswered questions ......

By keeping this in mind, i realised that, i force myself to avoid ego validation....and i've never knew how it can be done to stroke someone's ego....but i guess this means 'Qualifying'! Bait hook reel release...

I gotta be aware if i'm cutting off ppl's sentences....i'm rather effective in expressing myself that i'm completing ppl's sentences for them....while they're still processing their thoughts....AND THIS IS BAD!.......while its time for ppl to hold court, do not cut them out...........i better slap myself each time i do this.


push-pull: i think ppl may wonder how its done?....its not enough to simply say balance every IOI with and IOD....it is a good rule to practise....it onl works if the other party appreciates your IOIs... From a wider perspective....i believe it is more of reeling them in....and then be the first one to push or release....


Thats it...some random thoughts on my interactions today....

Its also good to create lots of drama....these i learnt from 'J'

Chick flicks..

First it was Devil's Wear Prada......I just finished watching Confessions of a Shopaholic...lol....and seriously i hate to say this...in fact i would be humiliated if people knew about this..

It manages to raise that emotional rush all the way up and then pushes you off the edge of the cliff..yeah...corny but true, like a rollercoaster...perhaps i'll watch it again, to see how well planted and calculated the scenes are placed.....nlp?golden ratio?...

Personally...i managed to cease any form of shopping for the past 3 months....i used to be spending at least a hundred dollars a month on clothes...of my 700 dollars...and i know this is so little compared to some of you 'shopaholics' out there....but i know i have that 'shopaholic' tendencies...

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Uugh.....i just had a really light lunch at the dining table with my parents...i feel really empty inside....and i didn't have much of an appetite...

Game is both the cause and the only way to alleviate this emotional crunch....

The themes in 'The Alchemist' is so right....once you start to obsess yourself over your dreams...you can never get out...(a bad way to put it)

And then all these ppl on the other side, who've already gone thru it... are trying to tell you not to dig any deeper....as if ignorance is bliss..i've had a tase and already way deep inside this rabbit hole..... i know that backing out is just a matter of choice, a little willpower, and a bit of convincing....but right now i like to chase that fantasy....makes my blood boil....

Are you saying Game is unimportant except for getting girls?....Well its true....we can manage our social lives any way we want and get results....i think what some of them are trying to say is that....well, you don't need to be this extremely effective in managing your social life...you only need to be quite effective...

You don't need to become a millionaire, all you need is a secure job for the rest of your life.....live a simple life and die...

I only choose to be an ambitious geek not because i'm arrogant or that i view the rest of the world as zombies....but because when i talk to all of you.....you have that flame which cannot be extinguished....i see lonliness, unjustification, unsatisfaction...but some choose to turn a blind eye...

And evolution is to be blamed......Old men in their 40s,50s and 60s continue to date young woman... Speaking to my parents......either i spot all their contradictions about their insecurites and keep silent....or i get them into a heated argument about their denial.....(hahaha.....having a son that reads so much drives them crazy)

My parents are constantly listening to economists on the radio....reading the numbers, stocks on teletext.....on the computer, planning whatever on excel....and they buy small non-risky investments...... They go around singapore touring condominium and such....so that they know about the property to invest in..but they don't invest.....

And me....i'm complaining while i can be out practising....

Quickie

Ok i'll catch up to speed.....

This week, and as long as i have to do thi......its time i banned myself from intellectual conversation and debate....there is no point trying to prove a point or impress anyone..or getting my ego validated in anyway.....

for the past few years...i always thought being the wise guy or know it all was the way to go...but i realised its time i set that apart and strike for some balance....tone it down a lot.........LOTS LOTS LOTS.....i don't want to always having to rely on my philosophical bullshit about society or ppl to start a conversation.....i do realise that....many close friends and ppl that i already know find it amusing when i enrich their minds.....

but hey it gets in the way esp when meeting someone new....there is not much emotional value...unless i'm using it to critique or question or break rapport with somebody....in which case is totally insecure...................BLAh blah blAHA......


Social vibing is the way to go.....and just about changing everything into that situation.....

this is prob the most apparent reason why my sets go well..and i've more or less good for the first 10 seconds.....

Hey!(high energy, smile, devil-may-care-attitude-about-what-you-think)


now at least i've gotten my answer.....well for awhile i could not put to logic what i was doing.....perhaps..logic was in the way...