Sunday, June 21, 2009
You can't handle the truth
if i told you guys about my story, no one would believe it. I could relish in this moment on my own but oh well, anyone who feels empty, i can fill that hole...provided you are worthy.
Friday, June 19, 2009
BULLSHiT!
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
MY MANIFESTO!
I've attained NIRVANA!!!!
ppls reactions are the best mirror!
FROM NOW TILL THE END OF JULY, I BAN MYSELF FROM EXPLAINING ANYTHING
IF YOU ASK ME ANYTHING, BE PREPARED TO HEAR SOME BULLSHIT.
GO FIND YOUR OWN ANSWERS.
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
MY MANIFESTO!
I've attained NIRVANA!!!!
ppls reactions are the best mirror!
FROM NOW TILL THE END OF JULY, I BAN MYSELF FROM EXPLAINING ANYTHING
IF YOU ASK ME ANYTHING, BE PREPARED TO HEAR SOME BULLSHIT.
GO FIND YOUR OWN ANSWERS.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sticking Points: Opening
Sometimes, wherenever you're feeling low, its a signal to you. We should heed our emotions, to guide our conscious mind....
I'm face with a problem, and that is opening...although i've came a long way than before, now that i know how to tackle my emotions and fears, i am at limbo, i am at the point where i'm still trying to dominate my emotions and fears and not let them get the better part of me......
This post is ultimately a post that i wrote to help consolidate my sticking points, problem areas, logistics, so that i can tackle each problem one by one, i'll constantly look back, so i can set my perspectives right each time before i head out. And for this purpose i'll do it in point form.
Actually, i spent the last two days reading rich dad, poor dad....the ideas were the answers that i was expecting anyway.....i have thousands of materials both in books and my computer as guidance, but always, we have to read a lot, but only sieve those that solve the problems at present.
So, lets not diverge too far and get straight to business...
Sticking points:
1)Quoting Rich dad poor dad, 'I have heard it called "guts," "chutzpah", "balls," "audacity," "bravado," "cunning," "daring," "tenacity" and "brilliance" This factor, whatever it is labeled, ultimately decies one's future much more than grades.'
its the 2nd time i've actually heard this, and it has help me last week, when my fight or flight response was constantly triggered, this is actually one of those that solves my dissonance.
2) from rdpd, 'idea of working to learn something new....blah blah... Life is much like going to the gym. The most painful part is deciding to go. Once you get past that, it's easy. There has been many days i have dreaded going to the gym, but once i am there and in motion, it is a pleasure. After the workout is over, I am always glad i talked myself into going.'
this point is really important. again this solves my dissonance ongoing in my head whenever my fight/flight response is triggered.....i have even heard that, you have to make things a routine, in order to get past your dread of getting dirty, by making things a routine, again you solve dissonance(more on this later). Since you're going to do this, you've been doing this, investing so much effort in the past, if you don't go, all of that that you've done before will go to waste. This is the rationalisation part that has evolved into our human consciousness to justify our actions.
3) Quote sinn, 'Most guys aren't actually doing approaches, so when they start to and see that it's not all marshmellows and rainbows, they assume it's a lack of knowledge rather than practice. Remember there is a MAJOR difference between intellectual understanding and applicable skills. Most of the time, once you have a structured way to practice game, more knowledge will not help you. 100 more approaches will.
The next time you feel like you're missing some sort of knowledge about game, ask yourself if there has to be more.'
reading does not get you anywhere...crashing and burning will...
4) From sinn again, i wrote this in my notebook in CAPS...i do it here in bold.
DON'T EJECT WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SSAY. WORST COMES TO WORST ASK REALLY STUPID QUESTIONS. TAKE THE SET FURTHER, TO LEARN WHAT NOT TO DO. THERES ONLY SO MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO IN EACH SET, BY PUSHING AS FAR AS YOU CAN, YOU LEARN WHAT NOT TO DO. THE ANSWER WILL BE RIGHT THERE.
5) from many different ppl, you take 2 to 3 months just figuring out how to open, calibrating, and getting used to it, making a habit and developing this routine of doing thing. how to learn, do 'small chunking'. to get good. learn to open. master all your fundamentals. be natural at open. spend a lot a lot of time just practising open. make it instinct. A STATE OF BEING NOT DOING. don't tryto do too much.
6) Soul 'i think its important that it does seem unnatural for awhile. there is no fixed point where you say right, now i get everything, now its done. you should always be learning. in your life, there should always be certain portion that you do that you feel natural, those are things that you acheive, things that are comfortable, breathing eating drinking, those come naturalto you and thats fine. But there should be a bigger proportion that you spend doing things that are unnatural. thats where you're stepping out of your comfort zone and you learn things.'
7) 'you need to keep doing things that are unnatural. a lot of ppl worry "how do i get to this place?" and are too afraid to do something that isn't them. its rubbish. a way to strengthen as a person is to develop different aspects of your character. and it will feel strange to do that, but the more you do it, the more it becomes a part of you.'
like riding a bike, doing cartwheels. its your brain reacting to a new stimulus. at first its going to seem weird. put in the work, put in the time. have the confidence to know that its going to come, but you gotta work for it.
----
thats it. you can get the article about cognitive dissonance from wikipedia. i just copy paste here, what is relevent to my problem.
"A powerful cause of dissonance is an idea in conflict with a fundamental element of the self-concept, such as "I am a good person" or "I made the right decision." The anxiety that comes with the possibility of having made a bad decision can lead to rationalization, the tendency to create additional reasons or justifications to support one's choices. A person who just spent too much money on a new car might decide that the new vehicle is much less likely to break down than his or her old car. This belief may or may not be true, but it would likely reduce dissonance and make the person feel better. Dissonance can also lead to confirmation bias, the denial of disconfirming evidence, and other ego defense mechanisms.
Because it is often easier to make excuses than it is to change behavior, dissonance theory leads to the conclusion that humans are rationalizing and not always rational beings"
8) simply put, don't take the easy way out of things, be unnatural, get used to feeling discomfort, be able to withstand social pressure. everyone is vulnerable at the end of the day. one word, Persistence
the one in bold, is the gist of it. don't let your emotions tell you whats you did was right or wrong. at the end of the day, if you don't feel satisfied(though rationalising will get in the way, you'll still feel unsatisfied, find the real problem and identify that it is the rationalising that hid your problem.), learn to avoid hitting the same emotional circuits again when you get used to it appearing again and again, you have to face it and come up with a solution which would activate itself reactively to counter your mental obstacles.
My current count stands at 9, excluding those i did all the months before. I'll complete 12 each day, starting tomorrow, and reach 70 by the end of the week.
And for the people reading this at home, it probably sounds like a whole lot of crap to you guys. i know ppl don't see me as the motivated type. they have no idea. the way i type and the things i say, is just so incongruent to the style that i advocate. If i told anyone as part of the conversation, it just seemed like bragging....You guys don't feel the pinch. I don't care anymore....i hate to say this, but friends, are the least important to me now. you guys don't understand what i'm going thru, but i don't blame you, its more of my obsession right now, and everyone minds their own business. There are so many times when i went out to meet my friends, and told myself to take a break and catch up with them. But whenever i'm with you guys, you guys drag me down with all your negative energies and perspectives. you guys whine about all your problems to me but never seek answers. you never change. opportunities do not magically appear, you need to find them. all your cynical, skeptical, nihilitic ways of not heeding advice of others.
my excitement with life right now, this urgency, this 'migratory instinct', i can't believe that ppl ignore these subconscious calls and spiral into oblivion. what they say, ppl just leave their house, go out, expecting things to magically happen, living behind those rose-tinted glasses like their living out a movie. Worst, they travel on the mrt with music plugged in baby, living that precarious moment of their lives as if someone is filming them, like in an mtv being shot on a moving train, like someone out there is looking at you thru the glass window, landscape moving in relative to the train and all, while your life is dwindling by
GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
excuse me, but i just need to let off my wrath. i hate my time with you guys, most of the time, i feel so restless, i can't stop fidgeting, i needed to get out. You know wherenever i seem like i enjoyed myself, i really was pretending. I'm trying to get into a higher energy state, forcing dissonance on myself by changing my belief to change my behavior, but you guys stuck to your frame. i can pace/lead you guys, but sometimes, your reality is way pathetic, it knocks me over.
i end this with this final note, its the warning message at the start of Fight Club.
"If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this is useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned... Tyler"
try to hate me,
ZiqZak
I'm face with a problem, and that is opening...although i've came a long way than before, now that i know how to tackle my emotions and fears, i am at limbo, i am at the point where i'm still trying to dominate my emotions and fears and not let them get the better part of me......
This post is ultimately a post that i wrote to help consolidate my sticking points, problem areas, logistics, so that i can tackle each problem one by one, i'll constantly look back, so i can set my perspectives right each time before i head out. And for this purpose i'll do it in point form.
Actually, i spent the last two days reading rich dad, poor dad....the ideas were the answers that i was expecting anyway.....i have thousands of materials both in books and my computer as guidance, but always, we have to read a lot, but only sieve those that solve the problems at present.
So, lets not diverge too far and get straight to business...
Sticking points:
1)Quoting Rich dad poor dad, 'I have heard it called "guts," "chutzpah", "balls," "audacity," "bravado," "cunning," "daring," "tenacity" and "brilliance" This factor, whatever it is labeled, ultimately decies one's future much more than grades.'
its the 2nd time i've actually heard this, and it has help me last week, when my fight or flight response was constantly triggered, this is actually one of those that solves my dissonance.
2) from rdpd, 'idea of working to learn something new....blah blah... Life is much like going to the gym. The most painful part is deciding to go. Once you get past that, it's easy. There has been many days i have dreaded going to the gym, but once i am there and in motion, it is a pleasure. After the workout is over, I am always glad i talked myself into going.'
this point is really important. again this solves my dissonance ongoing in my head whenever my fight/flight response is triggered.....i have even heard that, you have to make things a routine, in order to get past your dread of getting dirty, by making things a routine, again you solve dissonance(more on this later). Since you're going to do this, you've been doing this, investing so much effort in the past, if you don't go, all of that that you've done before will go to waste. This is the rationalisation part that has evolved into our human consciousness to justify our actions.
3) Quote sinn, 'Most guys aren't actually doing approaches, so when they start to and see that it's not all marshmellows and rainbows, they assume it's a lack of knowledge rather than practice. Remember there is a MAJOR difference between intellectual understanding and applicable skills. Most of the time, once you have a structured way to practice game, more knowledge will not help you. 100 more approaches will.
The next time you feel like you're missing some sort of knowledge about game, ask yourself if there has to be more.'
reading does not get you anywhere...crashing and burning will...
4) From sinn again, i wrote this in my notebook in CAPS...i do it here in bold.
DON'T EJECT WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SSAY. WORST COMES TO WORST ASK REALLY STUPID QUESTIONS. TAKE THE SET FURTHER, TO LEARN WHAT NOT TO DO. THERES ONLY SO MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO IN EACH SET, BY PUSHING AS FAR AS YOU CAN, YOU LEARN WHAT NOT TO DO. THE ANSWER WILL BE RIGHT THERE.
5) from many different ppl, you take 2 to 3 months just figuring out how to open, calibrating, and getting used to it, making a habit and developing this routine of doing thing. how to learn, do 'small chunking'. to get good. learn to open. master all your fundamentals. be natural at open. spend a lot a lot of time just practising open. make it instinct. A STATE OF BEING NOT DOING. don't tryto do too much.
6) Soul 'i think its important that it does seem unnatural for awhile. there is no fixed point where you say right, now i get everything, now its done. you should always be learning. in your life, there should always be certain portion that you do that you feel natural, those are things that you acheive, things that are comfortable, breathing eating drinking, those come naturalto you and thats fine. But there should be a bigger proportion that you spend doing things that are unnatural. thats where you're stepping out of your comfort zone and you learn things.'
7) 'you need to keep doing things that are unnatural. a lot of ppl worry "how do i get to this place?" and are too afraid to do something that isn't them. its rubbish. a way to strengthen as a person is to develop different aspects of your character. and it will feel strange to do that, but the more you do it, the more it becomes a part of you.'
like riding a bike, doing cartwheels. its your brain reacting to a new stimulus. at first its going to seem weird. put in the work, put in the time. have the confidence to know that its going to come, but you gotta work for it.
----
thats it. you can get the article about cognitive dissonance from wikipedia. i just copy paste here, what is relevent to my problem.
"A powerful cause of dissonance is an idea in conflict with a fundamental element of the self-concept, such as "I am a good person" or "I made the right decision." The anxiety that comes with the possibility of having made a bad decision can lead to rationalization, the tendency to create additional reasons or justifications to support one's choices. A person who just spent too much money on a new car might decide that the new vehicle is much less likely to break down than his or her old car. This belief may or may not be true, but it would likely reduce dissonance and make the person feel better. Dissonance can also lead to confirmation bias, the denial of disconfirming evidence, and other ego defense mechanisms.
Because it is often easier to make excuses than it is to change behavior, dissonance theory leads to the conclusion that humans are rationalizing and not always rational beings"
8) simply put, don't take the easy way out of things, be unnatural, get used to feeling discomfort, be able to withstand social pressure. everyone is vulnerable at the end of the day. one word, Persistence
the one in bold, is the gist of it. don't let your emotions tell you whats you did was right or wrong. at the end of the day, if you don't feel satisfied(though rationalising will get in the way, you'll still feel unsatisfied, find the real problem and identify that it is the rationalising that hid your problem.), learn to avoid hitting the same emotional circuits again when you get used to it appearing again and again, you have to face it and come up with a solution which would activate itself reactively to counter your mental obstacles.
My current count stands at 9, excluding those i did all the months before. I'll complete 12 each day, starting tomorrow, and reach 70 by the end of the week.
And for the people reading this at home, it probably sounds like a whole lot of crap to you guys. i know ppl don't see me as the motivated type. they have no idea. the way i type and the things i say, is just so incongruent to the style that i advocate. If i told anyone as part of the conversation, it just seemed like bragging....You guys don't feel the pinch. I don't care anymore....i hate to say this, but friends, are the least important to me now. you guys don't understand what i'm going thru, but i don't blame you, its more of my obsession right now, and everyone minds their own business. There are so many times when i went out to meet my friends, and told myself to take a break and catch up with them. But whenever i'm with you guys, you guys drag me down with all your negative energies and perspectives. you guys whine about all your problems to me but never seek answers. you never change. opportunities do not magically appear, you need to find them. all your cynical, skeptical, nihilitic ways of not heeding advice of others.
my excitement with life right now, this urgency, this 'migratory instinct', i can't believe that ppl ignore these subconscious calls and spiral into oblivion. what they say, ppl just leave their house, go out, expecting things to magically happen, living behind those rose-tinted glasses like their living out a movie. Worst, they travel on the mrt with music plugged in baby, living that precarious moment of their lives as if someone is filming them, like in an mtv being shot on a moving train, like someone out there is looking at you thru the glass window, landscape moving in relative to the train and all, while your life is dwindling by
GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
excuse me, but i just need to let off my wrath. i hate my time with you guys, most of the time, i feel so restless, i can't stop fidgeting, i needed to get out. You know wherenever i seem like i enjoyed myself, i really was pretending. I'm trying to get into a higher energy state, forcing dissonance on myself by changing my belief to change my behavior, but you guys stuck to your frame. i can pace/lead you guys, but sometimes, your reality is way pathetic, it knocks me over.
i end this with this final note, its the warning message at the start of Fight Club.
"If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this is useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned... Tyler"
try to hate me,
ZiqZak
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Mission Accomplished XD!!!!
i tell you....i just can't hide my excitement right now.... XD
like i promised.....i wasn't going to blog until i took a serious step in making my life change.....
WOW.
Just before i turn 20, i've accomplished what most ppl would never do...what most ppl would never have realised in their entire fucking lives. I've changed my reality forever. I embark on something, I'm so proud of myself.....i've seperated myself from the thousands of years of genetic make-up. Not my father, not my brother, not anybody half as miserable in their lives can ever take it away from me.
And i did all....just before i turn 20 this tueday......what i've discovered and wanted to do...for the past one and a half years. This last post, as an 19 year old teenager is significant.....
It was definitely quite easy and got the hang of it, after awhile...you just jump right in....doesn't matter who that person is or who they're with.....family parents, cockblock, well...i just did anyway...
Ah 19....rediscovering my lost youth....i broke many of my limiting beliefs, surprised many ppl...and most of all myself...
This satisfaction, i felt today..........i know i could repeat it a million times.... if i wanted to. If i could just die today, death would be easy. Receiving my PSLE score, my first show, then repeated playing on stage many times after that which was well-received by the audience, my O level grades, my project work, my A level grades, getting a perfect score in ippt.......
now that i'm 19......i repeated again and again some unimaginary feats....which i won't go about here, if not i would just sound like i'm boasting.....
i hate how it all reads here already...and i all of you reading this, would probably be in disbelief and pass this off......but this has been like the highest entry ever in 5 years of blogging....
Till i turn a ripe old age into my twenties this year.......
I really want to thank hockchuan(if you're reading this, you need a name change!) during this, for being with me during my darkest most desperate need...i really thought you sounded condesending most of time because i was the only one getting all the value out of doing all he shit, but you never backed out giving support because you were a good friend
i've challenged myself again and again.......my perceptions of fear, are being thrust here and there....i could almost know when fear comes...but dealing with that fear.....straight at its face.....in different applications and avenues taught me so much more, prep me so much more for the obstacles that i would face over the next 20 years. 7300 days.
can't say anymore...cos time is up and i have to book in.......wait to hear the next greater expedition. i will only do so, if i surpass and accelerate on my learning curve.....
till next time
ZiqZak
like i promised.....i wasn't going to blog until i took a serious step in making my life change.....
WOW.
Just before i turn 20, i've accomplished what most ppl would never do...what most ppl would never have realised in their entire fucking lives. I've changed my reality forever. I embark on something, I'm so proud of myself.....i've seperated myself from the thousands of years of genetic make-up. Not my father, not my brother, not anybody half as miserable in their lives can ever take it away from me.
And i did all....just before i turn 20 this tueday......what i've discovered and wanted to do...for the past one and a half years. This last post, as an 19 year old teenager is significant.....
It was definitely quite easy and got the hang of it, after awhile...you just jump right in....doesn't matter who that person is or who they're with.....family parents, cockblock, well...i just did anyway...
Ah 19....rediscovering my lost youth....i broke many of my limiting beliefs, surprised many ppl...and most of all myself...
This satisfaction, i felt today..........i know i could repeat it a million times.... if i wanted to. If i could just die today, death would be easy. Receiving my PSLE score, my first show, then repeated playing on stage many times after that which was well-received by the audience, my O level grades, my project work, my A level grades, getting a perfect score in ippt.......
now that i'm 19......i repeated again and again some unimaginary feats....which i won't go about here, if not i would just sound like i'm boasting.....
i hate how it all reads here already...and i all of you reading this, would probably be in disbelief and pass this off......but this has been like the highest entry ever in 5 years of blogging....
Till i turn a ripe old age into my twenties this year.......
I really want to thank hockchuan(if you're reading this, you need a name change!) during this, for being with me during my darkest most desperate need...i really thought you sounded condesending most of time because i was the only one getting all the value out of doing all he shit, but you never backed out giving support because you were a good friend
i've challenged myself again and again.......my perceptions of fear, are being thrust here and there....i could almost know when fear comes...but dealing with that fear.....straight at its face.....in different applications and avenues taught me so much more, prep me so much more for the obstacles that i would face over the next 20 years. 7300 days.
can't say anymore...cos time is up and i have to book in.......wait to hear the next greater expedition. i will only do so, if i surpass and accelerate on my learning curve.....
till next time
ZiqZak
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