I went to great lengths in waiting for my browser to load to get this out to you guys......i think i can type pretty fast...so heere goes...usually at any point of time, you belong to one of these categories....but it'll be good if you don't belong to any of these....
A. You have plans for the evening. Its HALLOWEEN! You're going to head to the clubs with a large bunch or just a couple of you, but you're going to party anyway. You know you're going to have a good time, you're happy, you're excited, you're elated. You're lucky, at which case you can stop reading and come by here another time when you feel then that your emotions can't get any worst.
B. No plans...you having the holiday blues, similar to then when its christmas or new year's eve....you know you should be having fun, but you're just waiting at home, reading this, hoping that the phone will ring, that someone will have some masterplan in mind. This could be any other day man.....you just got off surfing facebook....and you're bored.
C. No plans..... No idea what you're gonna do today, or tmr.. You don't hang out with friends...rather, no one calls you...but you're so used to it...that doesn't seem to be a problem...
i myself don't have any plans...but i'm oging out anyway, its more of a shade of grey....
you can feel like this any other day...not just during holidays...halloween is not even a holiday.....
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Self-help
Corgan confirmed on the band's website in August 2009 that 19-year-old drummer Mike Byrne had replaced Chamberlin, and that the pair was working on a new album.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Flash Mob at Raffles Place 23.10.09
damn....can't believe Singapore is finally catching on....took our country awhile, but i guess every other weekend you're gonna see things like this everywhere...no longer is it alternative counter-culture or alienated like in Fight Club or anarchist themes....
I don't know, kind of envious or bitter about it.....It seems i wanna make my own mark, and where the masses go, i avoid... at the end of the day i wanna be the one with most balls..a seperate entity.....Something i tell my mum everyday..
Damn i couldn't be part of this when it was still fresh a last year or months ago...where it was more indie..
This was what the producer of the first flashmob in 2003 spoke of, "Wasik claimed that he created flash mobs as a social experiment designed to poke fun at hipsters and to highlight the cultural atmosphere of conformity and of wanting to be an insider or part of "the next big thing".[7] The Vancouver Sun wrote, "It may have backfired on him... [Wasik] may instead have ended up giving conformity a vehicle that allowed it to appear nonconforming."(wikipedia)
and so, the genius and spirit of Cacophony Society 1986, suffer the same fate as hippies and punks...
it feels like watching an episode of Heroes or Full Metal Alchemist, where a good motive may change the entire world for the worst.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
the smashing pumpkins - i am one - live
Barcelona 1994...... Their hendonistic approach to music and jamming....playing it 2 to 3 times its ordinary tempo, letting loose and not giving much of a fuck
FRUGALITY
I am selfish, and i'm looking at some of my choices and getting myself really pissed with the things i can't seem to have, with the population explosion, competition, life is futile.
I've been wanting to lay my hands on an ipod ever since i saw it as an recurring accessory of Seth Cohen in the OC...the lifestyle which it conveys...the types of music that i would upload into it......instead of the junk, the disdain i get when i scroll through the things; ppl pollute their stuff.
No understanding...i'm just very unhappy....no one will ever perceive nirvana, smashing pumpkins or any other alternative culture, films as i would have.
You ppl are obsessed with the superficiality of it all.............and it is even harder for me to live a life trying to devoid myself of the posers of the world...think of the bitterness that Tyler Durden has in Fight Club....
Or even Whatever Works..
---------------------------------------------------------
Then again, i never really hate a lot of ppl that i meet...even if they are not as emotionally, socially intelligent....why is it humans are empathetic?
------------------------------
just feeling hopeless from some of the issues that i face..... i'm lazy to type it here...too bad you guys don't get to judge me or give me the finger
I've been wanting to lay my hands on an ipod ever since i saw it as an recurring accessory of Seth Cohen in the OC...the lifestyle which it conveys...the types of music that i would upload into it......instead of the junk, the disdain i get when i scroll through the things; ppl pollute their stuff.
No understanding...i'm just very unhappy....no one will ever perceive nirvana, smashing pumpkins or any other alternative culture, films as i would have.
You ppl are obsessed with the superficiality of it all.............and it is even harder for me to live a life trying to devoid myself of the posers of the world...think of the bitterness that Tyler Durden has in Fight Club....
Or even Whatever Works..
---------------------------------------------------------
Then again, i never really hate a lot of ppl that i meet...even if they are not as emotionally, socially intelligent....why is it humans are empathetic?
------------------------------
just feeling hopeless from some of the issues that i face..... i'm lazy to type it here...too bad you guys don't get to judge me or give me the finger
Monday, October 19, 2009
Blinded by my ego....
i just woke up in the middle of the night i realised this...and i better say it so i can at least get back to an hour or more of sleep...
it wasn't because i sucked but i escalated wrong..........the first time i was bought a large bulk of my dinner...maybe she was hesitant....or she would have paid the whole thing....
this time, why would someone buy me coffee? i just bump into a stranger....talk....you get a listener and free drink........
and i thought i was doing it wrong....i was still held by the preconceived notion that girls shouldn't be paying for stuff........and that guys should be the one paying...
not sure though....whether its because the other person is more senior and being a working professional thus feel compelled to do so.....
Now i'm fucked up....should i pay, feel good that the other person is paying or go dutch?....
this argument stems from the awkwardness i feel esp during that coffee date, that even though i pull the dollar note....ppl still push it away and maybe i could display some sort of male dominance.....
what is the appropriate course of action with the highest situational relevance?
hahaha..i just like that i sound so analytical...
maybe the right pua mentality would be to get on 10 other dates and calibrate....
according to mystery, or business psychology books.....its emotional investment.....the more a person invest emotionally, the more likely there would be a follow up....so if i would to follow this rule, then i should just let it happen....and this is counter-intuitive....
Sinn's "oh-shit buttons"....pinging.....The person 'moves' or 'isolate', you're 99% of the time developed attraction...i have 'bought me a drink(day)/meal(evening)'...
shall stop the self-amusement here.....
A. high compliance/investment
B. plausible deniability
C. developed attraction
ARGHHHHHHH i shouldn't even give a shit....its not important, what's important is climbing on to opportunities!!!!!!!!!!!! and that talk is for another day..........
i needed but didn't
A. Qualify!( may or may not have done to acknoledge..)
B. Triangular gaze
C. sexual SOI
D. Kino rewards
i succeeded
A. pump state.
B.Being social
C. Emotional connection
D. Kino
it wasn't because i sucked but i escalated wrong..........the first time i was bought a large bulk of my dinner...maybe she was hesitant....or she would have paid the whole thing....
this time, why would someone buy me coffee? i just bump into a stranger....talk....you get a listener and free drink........
and i thought i was doing it wrong....i was still held by the preconceived notion that girls shouldn't be paying for stuff........and that guys should be the one paying...
not sure though....whether its because the other person is more senior and being a working professional thus feel compelled to do so.....
Now i'm fucked up....should i pay, feel good that the other person is paying or go dutch?....
this argument stems from the awkwardness i feel esp during that coffee date, that even though i pull the dollar note....ppl still push it away and maybe i could display some sort of male dominance.....
what is the appropriate course of action with the highest situational relevance?
hahaha..i just like that i sound so analytical...
maybe the right pua mentality would be to get on 10 other dates and calibrate....
according to mystery, or business psychology books.....its emotional investment.....the more a person invest emotionally, the more likely there would be a follow up....so if i would to follow this rule, then i should just let it happen....and this is counter-intuitive....
Sinn's "oh-shit buttons"....pinging.....The person 'moves' or 'isolate', you're 99% of the time developed attraction...i have 'bought me a drink(day)/meal(evening)'...
shall stop the self-amusement here.....
A. high compliance/investment
B. plausible deniability
C. developed attraction
ARGHHHHHHH i shouldn't even give a shit....its not important, what's important is climbing on to opportunities!!!!!!!!!!!! and that talk is for another day..........
i needed but didn't
A. Qualify!( may or may not have done to acknoledge..)
B. Triangular gaze
C. sexual SOI
D. Kino rewards
i succeeded
A. pump state.
B.Being social
C. Emotional connection
D. Kino
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Judy
Very tired though.... To me, its hard work and discipline...
while i was tired today....i didn't complete my objectives that i set myself yesterday evening.... 6 sets. Loud, energetic, smile. 2 #-closes...
well, was tired...but DJ Fuji video reminded me of how hardcore i was at it...until recently i got too comfortable and lazy again...
It is true you know..... "Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?"
Again i secured a instadate like....i think to me its easier than setting up a day 2....i've never had any day 2s....but i've been on 3 instadates now......sigh...why does it feel boring?? maybe i'm tired... Sinn felt like commiting suicide after figuring how to get laid....because it was too easy for him..........
Still, i was telling Evan earlier.....he thinks that... we may one day appear on Newpaper because of the things we did....yet, at the same time i think.....when we become natural enough, its not going to alert anybody at all.... Its just that, we ventured into an aspect of humanity few dare to explore...
Yet last week, when i spoke to these new friends.....they sounded as if they got it all sorted out too...
I use to end my entries with no conclusion....but today i like to set my mind at peace...Finally i found it easy that i can just snip away at any bullshit that i don't want surrounding myself....
I love challenges! and i'm not saying this to sound ridiculously cliche.......
It just that i keep abandoning that fear of rejection...and keep dishing out high-risk compliance pings....and well, i keep lose my sets after that...and i give up...
Today, i am not going to NEXT...i'm going to keep pushing just so that i can learn to recover next time....
EVERYONE....have a GREAT week ahead.........please, with my utmost sincerity...i hope all of you discover a new passion. Enjoy a good experience... Fall in love. Make a new friend. Break out of your comfort zones..
3 more weeks till ord...you guys stay focused, whatever makes you happy......
Archie Gates: You're scared, right?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: That's a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates: I know. That's the way it works.
- Ziqzak
while i was tired today....i didn't complete my objectives that i set myself yesterday evening.... 6 sets. Loud, energetic, smile. 2 #-closes...
well, was tired...but DJ Fuji video reminded me of how hardcore i was at it...until recently i got too comfortable and lazy again...
It is true you know..... "Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?"
Again i secured a instadate like....i think to me its easier than setting up a day 2....i've never had any day 2s....but i've been on 3 instadates now......sigh...why does it feel boring?? maybe i'm tired... Sinn felt like commiting suicide after figuring how to get laid....because it was too easy for him..........
Still, i was telling Evan earlier.....he thinks that... we may one day appear on Newpaper because of the things we did....yet, at the same time i think.....when we become natural enough, its not going to alert anybody at all.... Its just that, we ventured into an aspect of humanity few dare to explore...
Yet last week, when i spoke to these new friends.....they sounded as if they got it all sorted out too...
I use to end my entries with no conclusion....but today i like to set my mind at peace...Finally i found it easy that i can just snip away at any bullshit that i don't want surrounding myself....
I love challenges! and i'm not saying this to sound ridiculously cliche.......
It just that i keep abandoning that fear of rejection...and keep dishing out high-risk compliance pings....and well, i keep lose my sets after that...and i give up...
Today, i am not going to NEXT...i'm going to keep pushing just so that i can learn to recover next time....
EVERYONE....have a GREAT week ahead.........please, with my utmost sincerity...i hope all of you discover a new passion. Enjoy a good experience... Fall in love. Make a new friend. Break out of your comfort zones..
3 more weeks till ord...you guys stay focused, whatever makes you happy......
Archie Gates: You're scared, right?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: That's a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates: I know. That's the way it works.
- Ziqzak
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I think My Heart has finally figured it out.
My heart beats not in fear, but in anticipation and excitement...
Evan told me about the red zone and it being the cause of fumbling.....i don't know...
Even though it may have happened before, it was the most evident yesterday, the 'red zone', where it doesn't hinder, but was more fun being in that state....maybe it would be better without it...its not a question of odds, but whether you're going to do it anyway...
It wasn't the best set that i did...it wasn't the most ego-validating one either....but i had a heightend awareness of it all....
Me cp and jw was sitting at the tables outside of burger king at wheellock.....we were discussing about relationships in general the whole night before this while we were on our way here.....jw just being a good listener....me trying to change my way of putting thing across in more subtle ways...forcing myself to sound politically correct and also being that emotional tampon....and no longer smart-ass sounding...
this really tall(means hot) malay chick came down the steps and sat at one of the tables 10 metres away, under those burger king umbrellas on the other side(orange julius)....me cp and jw(nearer to starbucks)........
The cool thing about this ambience is, its at night....very dark...but the lights inside burger king was very bright...so there was a good glow... There was less ppl seated outside at burger king on this saturday as all the cool angmoh, mats, smokers, cliques were in the huge congestion outside starbucks....
ppl if you want a good place to emotionally connect....don't go starbucks....3 metres away is burger king...and it only consists of mostly single working professionals....no irritating paul twohill and levan wannabe fanbases....
Straight ahead 10 metres across....me and cp and jw...was here to chill for the night...but i just couldn't help it...ever since being on this.....not approaching deals a much bigger psychological blow later on than the initial 'immolation' of approaching...
My mind has decided the moment i saw her to do it...that usual rush of andrenaline always occurs when your mind decides to go for it......but then i couldn't just pop up and leave my friends...i kept to myself and silent.....10 seconds pass....30 seconds pass....i told them i'm not feeling well.....i sat there just taking the moment in.....i was actually enjoying this highly-anticipating moment.....
it isn't a matter of going up or not anymore...its a matter of how i'm going to tell my friends i'm going....."look at her, shes hot right..."......2 mins pass.....i'm still sitting there with my heart thumping yet i was still calm.....i was having fun, aware of all the physiological reactions that i was undergoing, yet it did not matter, i wasn't even going to run...
any moment now...any moment now.....5 mins pass....still i sat there....the guys could see me in my predicament...."AH FucK....see.... guys, i really got to do this....i can't not go up...."....cp was like.."oh ok...i got 10 mins to spare....i can wait..."
i stood up....and started walking towards her.....i knew it...doesn't matter what happens...this was the highest point of the night.....going towards what you want....replaying the mantra in my head that Steve Jobs said in the video i posted yesterday....
"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. - Steve jobs
thats it....everything that went on after that...was slightly bumpy...but overall smooth-sailing....
Evan told me about the red zone and it being the cause of fumbling.....i don't know...
Even though it may have happened before, it was the most evident yesterday, the 'red zone', where it doesn't hinder, but was more fun being in that state....maybe it would be better without it...its not a question of odds, but whether you're going to do it anyway...
It wasn't the best set that i did...it wasn't the most ego-validating one either....but i had a heightend awareness of it all....
Me cp and jw was sitting at the tables outside of burger king at wheellock.....we were discussing about relationships in general the whole night before this while we were on our way here.....jw just being a good listener....me trying to change my way of putting thing across in more subtle ways...forcing myself to sound politically correct and also being that emotional tampon....and no longer smart-ass sounding...
this really tall(means hot) malay chick came down the steps and sat at one of the tables 10 metres away, under those burger king umbrellas on the other side(orange julius)....me cp and jw(nearer to starbucks)........
The cool thing about this ambience is, its at night....very dark...but the lights inside burger king was very bright...so there was a good glow... There was less ppl seated outside at burger king on this saturday as all the cool angmoh, mats, smokers, cliques were in the huge congestion outside starbucks....
ppl if you want a good place to emotionally connect....don't go starbucks....3 metres away is burger king...and it only consists of mostly single working professionals....no irritating paul twohill and levan wannabe fanbases....
Straight ahead 10 metres across....me and cp and jw...was here to chill for the night...but i just couldn't help it...ever since being on this.....not approaching deals a much bigger psychological blow later on than the initial 'immolation' of approaching...
My mind has decided the moment i saw her to do it...that usual rush of andrenaline always occurs when your mind decides to go for it......but then i couldn't just pop up and leave my friends...i kept to myself and silent.....10 seconds pass....30 seconds pass....i told them i'm not feeling well.....i sat there just taking the moment in.....i was actually enjoying this highly-anticipating moment.....
it isn't a matter of going up or not anymore...its a matter of how i'm going to tell my friends i'm going....."look at her, shes hot right..."......2 mins pass.....i'm still sitting there with my heart thumping yet i was still calm.....i was having fun, aware of all the physiological reactions that i was undergoing, yet it did not matter, i wasn't even going to run...
any moment now...any moment now.....5 mins pass....still i sat there....the guys could see me in my predicament...."AH FucK....see.... guys, i really got to do this....i can't not go up...."....cp was like.."oh ok...i got 10 mins to spare....i can wait..."
i stood up....and started walking towards her.....i knew it...doesn't matter what happens...this was the highest point of the night.....going towards what you want....replaying the mantra in my head that Steve Jobs said in the video i posted yesterday....
"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. - Steve jobs
thats it....everything that went on after that...was slightly bumpy...but overall smooth-sailing....
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Compiled list of goals...
Ok....i'm going to be talking about the things that i want to do after i ORD, and thats 35 days more.... i probably have this written on my notebook somewhere....but i think i;ll never really look at the same page twice....or the helpful notes that i have in there, i think cos i spend most of my time online....its only practical i have one here....(i'm going to get a massive majong paper and write it down paste it on the ceiling in my room)
1) Travelling.... and languages perhaps?
Europe(for arts, culture and fashion), Eastern Europe(for politics), USA(where hot girls congregate), Japan(for their street fashion,music and comics), Thailand(nightlife and sex industry), Brazil Mexico South America(latinos!) Cambodia Vietnam(get that explorer, world loving, multi-cultural tolerant, empathetic) Africa(wild-life and the prymids), Middle-east(religion, rich arabs) and the beaches around the world
the top most in my mind now...ppl do this for many reasons....for example, bring out that liberal part of themselves to the world....which for me i don't think i need this to do so, but i really want to break out....maybe its some migratory instinct that brought mankind out of africa 10,000 yrs ago passed down..maybe its the internet that has hinted at how such a lifestyle could be attractive.....liberation..
2) Job
nightlife, fnb, fashion, departmental store.........
i've grown tired of explaining this....i've never worked before, not even part-time...i guess i've been happily repressed in the past....but just to learn skills, interact, earn money, to move out and travel...and do everything i so desire...
3) Work-out
4) Moving out or better, migrate...
again, this instinct.....the need to break out from the gene pool and replicate...as Matt Ridley likes to put it...
i have trouble hanging out with my family or old friends who seem only concerned with doing nothing intersting(i hate that i'm sounding this arrogant, but i can't help it)......
5) The most important of all......TIME MANAGEMENT
i never learnt this in school....i use to take pride in being mess,late and random....just seem so attractive when rock stars live such lives....but i guess....they only had one dream....i have plenty...
waking up early, self-discipline, and commitment....
These are the words that weeks ago, i would never dare associate myself with...we always like to think, that by trying hard, routiney is unnatural....and that being spontaneous is more attractive cos its natural.....well it is..but ambition....you do what it takes...
----------------------------------------------------------------
i hate that i'm typing this post...really....i'm uncomfortable with being motivated....ppl...you know me...maybe everyone is....we 're all lazy...trying to develop this character is inhumane, maybe its the fear of failure or reprisal....the thing is to defy homeostasis...to do and not give excuses.....
I'M STRUGGLING TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING, AND SHUT MY THOUGHTS AND CLOSE MY EYES SO I CAN SLEEP.....
maybe meditation is necessary.....i don't want to have periods of not doing anything....meditation could prolly allow me to relax, concentrate, increase efficiency, sleep better....
rambling yet again...
-Ziqzak
1) Travelling.... and languages perhaps?
Europe(for arts, culture and fashion), Eastern Europe(for politics), USA(where hot girls congregate), Japan(for their street fashion,music and comics), Thailand(nightlife and sex industry), Brazil Mexico South America(latinos!) Cambodia Vietnam(get that explorer, world loving, multi-cultural tolerant, empathetic) Africa(wild-life and the prymids), Middle-east(religion, rich arabs) and the beaches around the world
the top most in my mind now...ppl do this for many reasons....for example, bring out that liberal part of themselves to the world....which for me i don't think i need this to do so, but i really want to break out....maybe its some migratory instinct that brought mankind out of africa 10,000 yrs ago passed down..maybe its the internet that has hinted at how such a lifestyle could be attractive.....liberation..
2) Job
nightlife, fnb, fashion, departmental store.........
i've grown tired of explaining this....i've never worked before, not even part-time...i guess i've been happily repressed in the past....but just to learn skills, interact, earn money, to move out and travel...and do everything i so desire...
3) Work-out
4) Moving out or better, migrate...
again, this instinct.....the need to break out from the gene pool and replicate...as Matt Ridley likes to put it...
i have trouble hanging out with my family or old friends who seem only concerned with doing nothing intersting(i hate that i'm sounding this arrogant, but i can't help it)......
5) The most important of all......TIME MANAGEMENT
i never learnt this in school....i use to take pride in being mess,late and random....just seem so attractive when rock stars live such lives....but i guess....they only had one dream....i have plenty...
waking up early, self-discipline, and commitment....
These are the words that weeks ago, i would never dare associate myself with...we always like to think, that by trying hard, routiney is unnatural....and that being spontaneous is more attractive cos its natural.....well it is..but ambition....you do what it takes...
----------------------------------------------------------------
i hate that i'm typing this post...really....i'm uncomfortable with being motivated....ppl...you know me...maybe everyone is....we 're all lazy...trying to develop this character is inhumane, maybe its the fear of failure or reprisal....the thing is to defy homeostasis...to do and not give excuses.....
I'M STRUGGLING TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING, AND SHUT MY THOUGHTS AND CLOSE MY EYES SO I CAN SLEEP.....
maybe meditation is necessary.....i don't want to have periods of not doing anything....meditation could prolly allow me to relax, concentrate, increase efficiency, sleep better....
rambling yet again...
-Ziqzak
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