David Bernal (Elsewhere) Interview/Special

nouvelle vague "dance with me" from bande a part

Dancing scene("the Madison dance") from new wave film "Bande a part"

Song is "dance with me" by nouvelle vague(french for "new wave") in the album of the same name "Bande a part".....thus the song track actually syncs with this video as discovered by a fan...even though the video was never an official release..

They call it, "the 20 min set to nowhere"....

i just need to whine a bit here...someone did sparked this...but i gotta be the greater person out there and just let it slide..

some ppl can be so full of themselves...

maybe my ego was scratched a little bit.....maybe i'm feeling a bit bitter....that i hate myself for trying to be so overly-nice and dragging this for way too long...*take a deep breath*

forgive & forget....


However, i do have 3 notable mentions this week..(but sorry, would love to shout out your names, but i guess discretion should be practised..since it is personal for me as it is for you..i'm sure you know who you are..)

Thank you 'A' for being merciful, taught me so much about myself in a day....and if i could choose, i would choose to be with you anyday, you're the very very first person that have allowed me to open up so much, might have been because i was a little under the influence of alcohol but still...was very nurturing, not minding and allowing me to display all my vulnerabilities......now, i'm no longer afraid....you also got me to realised what i could obtain. You got a BIG HEART.

Thank you 'B' for broadening my horizons....for holding my hand while i stepped out of my comfort zone...i never expected myself to get into this...for the first time in my life, i actually had someone to lean on...really enjoyed this exciting yet fearful experience....now i love it....i never ever felt this close to becoming a convert....but this may undoubtedly become my new 'religion'....BIG HERO

Thank you 'C'..............for validating me.....we shared great times...and for awhile, my stupidity did ruin things...we may not have been passed that yet.....but one day we will...

at last...a good sleep

The Clash Of The Titans

NO, this has got nothing to do with that lame-shit-piece-of-ass they call a movie.

Reiterating what Hock Chuan mentioned 2 months ago (time warps when you endrudge yourself in such unconventional affairs) "Even when we become masters, we're still slaves to the opposite sex."

I got the opportunity to face off yet again with another high-level boss...i was strewn into bits the moment i stepped into her den. How could you be so dexterous at the age of 22..........thinking back, she didn't have to do much.....

As men, i had to proactively go out on the prowl and when that moment comes i cling onto it for practise. However, they don't have to...standing before me were older men, 3 to 4 of them each night(when its not even crowded) offering their cocks in exchange for a teasing rejection of push-pull effect... because the message was so subliminal, the conciousness of these men refuse to back down but continue their voluminous yet pathetic social pressure. Which all contribute to their demise since it is so skillfully deflected...

All the time i was in awe... How the hell could i ever pull this off... Seeking desperately for emotional connection that in the end may not even matter... Even though I've managed to adapt logistically, it all boils down to dominantly pulling off a sexual frame and i failed to deliver...

Though I've gone much further and explored a different facet this time and counts as a success in the long run. This is still an epic failure could have been avoided if I managed to fake it till i make it. It would have been that easy if I only had the guts to taste the forbidden fruit.

o_O psychedelic drugs

Would you take it?..not knowing what might be installed for you if only you had taken it.....don't you get curious about things that could have been if only you had acted a little differently?

GOD DAMN IT!!!!.......this was one of those times where there was an opening(this wasn't the first time, and now i hate my guts), and i picked the red pill over the blue one because i wasn't adventurous enough!!!!...FUCK!

i only realised this today, after reminiscing about the events that happened.....

reminds me of something robert kyosaki mentioned in his rich dad poor dad, that some guy, which i've forgotten the name, was very rich...and the stock market crashed. He lost all his money and became bankrupt...but within 2 years or so time, he earned back his fortune.....

why? because he knew how to manipulate money...he could spot these investment opportunities that common ppl were blind to, the rest of the world didn't have enough experience in investing compared to the ones who could identify these opportunities and grab hold onto them...


many people around me, or rather a huge majority of them would always say that i think too far...and it wasn't even because i was sharing with them some over-the-top, building-castles-in-the-air, overly-ambitious-grand scheme..................it was because i had a broader perspective, of limitless possibilities available to me...

ppl think its ridiculous......i think its not enough, i think i wasn't thinking further...i need to think outside of my box so much more for what i hope to achieve...to spot those yummy golden nuggets


oh man!!.....and the fact that human beings have logic and could plan things in advance....its more of an impairment than an asset......holding on to my belief that we are emotional creatures afterall, the logic and the ability to plan, only inhibits yourself from higher order powers such as creativity, innovation and moments of brilliance from ever being realised!

it seems that we use logic and plan for things only because we are afraid of it. Afraid that things will not happen as we would like....and we seek to restrict/govern it in fear instead of letting it grow free-form

and we so often shoot ourselves in the foot, curb our own greatness....sacrificing a great opportunity only to have things "go as planned"...


Sigh.....i was constantly in my head and thinking of what needs to be done...instead of letting loose and "feel the force"....if only i had forgo all inhibitions, such as time-constraint.....why measure time?! why have routines?!...if you broke these, you could just get what you were looking for!

it was like rushing off to work to earn a living when you had a billions dollars on your head...if only you took the time to look up and NOT AHEAD

*knock my head against the wall*

Marriage is not the cure for lonliness.

Short post...
Despite my best efforts to hide my desperation...i sometimes crack and that tidal of emotional turmoil comes pouring out.

Its not easy and it definitely take some immense amount of soul searching and the discipline of a warrior to cast it out..

Until this day, i am far from perfect....my dreams of at least becoming an Ari Gold in this life will be a long journey from here...

For a moment just now, my weakness as a human being was exposed....i always approach from a "mutual-benefit" pov, but for awhile i lost it, and was a little selfish.....it feels like an infringement on ppl's rights..

That's all

Slap Guitar.

Shamisen-rock-inspired way of slapping the guitar......

Change

I cried after watching this episode...the ending hints of a separation between Ari Gold and Vincent Chase...

Ari worked so hard to try an secure Vince role as the 2nd lead for a film, Smoke Jumpers. But in the process of doing so, John, president of Warner Bros studios which owns Smoke Jumpers offers him the position of Head of the company...an opportunity that he cannot deny(1. a brighter future for himself, 2. the only way to put Vince in Smoke Jumpers now that he can head the studio that makes it.) but that would mean he has to quit his agency, which spells the end of being Vince's agent and the relieve of his duties.

As both head off in their separate directions in search of answers, their futures lies in the bleakness of uncertainty..

Wake up

i was almost going into the same patterns of self-destruction that if i wasn't as careful, it would have been too late...

phew....it was lucky that i decided to pack my room again today, and for awhile my mind was clear and running at its bare minimal...
i wasn't thinking too hard about anything....each time i picked up another under-appreciated piece of relic....it took me less than 2 seconds to decide that it has to go down along with the rest of the trash..

sorting out the details in life.....its hard to spell out the murmur from the noise....that important piece of evidence from the dump...

before i was too caught up in the heat of the moment...i remembered to take a step back to think it clearly before i let my emotions get in the way and be cast into that cursed frame like so many many many many many many many previous times...

and its not that simple....i'm not sure if i can get out....but i have to...or they will all end the same way...better quarantine those negative affirmations before its too late.

friend or foe?