I don't know where to begin... and though themes like these have been running through my mind everyday, hinted at in every post..... i'm taking time out of aimlessly seeking "empty" goals which i will continue in a while right after finishing this... feeling that it is absolutely necessary to type this post.
and from this point forth, it will branch off in different directions at the processing speed of my brain and not up to my self-willingness and self-censoring...
narcissism...from some, they point to Facebook that stem
s this current episode of obssession with the self...and wow, i'm not just pointing to camwhoring or updating your status and wall, broadcasting a msg about your current depression in bidding hope that someone out that spends a second glancing past it.... narcissism reeks everywhere, cos i'm guilty of it too...it reeks from this blog...like my rationalization to myself is that i'm doing this to get it out of my system, but really just an attempt for attention..
maybe FB is responsible, but really?? narcissism a source of positive energy?? to a point, it drives ppl to do more, be more ambitious, less satisfied....snapping pictures of their travels.... working harder than ever to build a body of adonis.....working so hard to score a high gpa...
Evan was telling me, the effort spend on achieving such feats AMONGST tough competition isn't that worth it....the amount of work you'll have to do to get from a B+ to an A- strongly surpasses the amount of work you have to do to just get a B+....
in hacker ethic, that is just repetitive...like doing 200 pushups a day for that body, for? a good body really begets confidence? oh really? more ego validation from ppl around you, yes...but not definitely more confidence... i'm not judging anybod
y...just trying to shake your mentality a little, help you reflect a little, maybe rationalize to myself a little... cos certainly, at the age of 21, i'm chasing these pursuits as well.... girls, salsa and maybe even working my body a little now and then....and being really insecure about my time management issues and my grades...
i'm not perfect.....chasing perfection, while some are seemingly able to handle multiple ccas, a business, a girlfriend, a inhuman gpas...under what kind of "bloodlust" enchantment are they under?
and then theres creativity....being natural and being effortless....Facebook, being a byproduct of mark zuckerberg's obsession with network systems and social life...a mere extent of their creativity... it wasn't money that was the impetus behind facebook but just a sideproject...
then again theres practice....according to gladwell, to churn out a guitar solo only hendrix is capable of in that moment of brilliance is a matter of long hours of harnessing ability and a string of seemingly unrelated circumstances....
and surprisingly enough...counter-culture, zen, existentialism, idealism...etc....writing and blogging (7-8 yrs? now?)i never took pride in doing this.....and now salsa and perhaps pick-up leading to a greater awareness and self-discovery....conversations too?..i was ashamed that i turned to writing, such huge word-counts that nobody reads...
only to realise.....something similar to graffiti artists, hackers, rock musicians, dancers, athletes, pornstars, actors...having to output all this heavy activity running in the forebrain...to paint a picture, to wander and uncover the depths and mysteries of computer signals, to materialise a melody, to express movement through the body, to uncover hidden potentials, the next wildest sexual performance, to embody the soul of their characters.....to cast these aside is to remain paralysed, a vegetable......acknowledging the heavy activity in the brain to a DoS attack... and like dogs, simply having the urge to chase cars and marking territory with pee...because it matters to them?...a meaning towards their existence..
- not an alchemical emblem
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