Its not until recently that i discovered so many facets, so many reactivity in myself being in this new phase of my life.
All the things you learn about pick-up and psychology, all the state-management techniques or advice that you learn cannot stand against the flood of emotions when it comes pouring in...
Perhaps like before, its just uncharted territory for me and my emotions are the primary directions now until my conscious mind can set in. However, unlike before...i'm less desperate...indicated by the fact that i'm no longer seeking advice, self-help..solutions to deal with it but instead relishing the emotional ride.... I guess its like the stock market where prices go up and down all the time.. You don't have to sell but just sit on it....unless of course it PLUNGES....then again, you have no choice but to keep it there so it goes back up again after a long time.
and strangely enough, perhaps its knowing how to deal with this things, that calmness remains at the equilibrium position. Self-disassociatingly, i'm looking at myself and the drama unfold in third person.
Its like crying and feeling lonely at times, while at that moment...a voice in my head goes..."What?! is this for real?...hahahaha...i can't believe myself to behave like such a baby"
And its so interesting sometimes, NOT TO BE IN CONTROL...but to lose yourself to emotion.
After the commonplaces of everyday life, with their muffled dramas, all my organic expertise for dealing with physical injury had long been blunted or forgotten. The crash was the only real experience I had been through for years. - J.G. Ballard
Of course, its not that extreme of having the "luxury" of experiencing a car crash...but this story of love and passion now, makes me feel alive.
