Burn your boats, burn your bridges, burn everything.

My chinese teacher reflected this story to me during my jc years. I had just came out of the school's office, broke down emotionally, after having had an argument with the principal.

The story goes something like his. 'A prince who had lost everything, just came onto shore with his small wooden row-boat. He came with a goal, to reclaim the palace in 3 days. So he thought that there was no need for the boat since he was going to do whatever it takes to get there. He burned it. Leaving himself no excuse of a failure.'

I'm sure you probably know the moral of that story, the title of this entry. In mandarin, its called 'Po fu chen zhou'. Something like you break your tupperware and sink your ships. It was a idiom coined during one of the many battles in the many wars in china, where this two conquerors were trying unite China under the rule of the emperor, but had too many warloads(or feudal lords?) in the way. Chinese chess was invented as a tribute to the final battle between this two conquerors.

It is also in Sun Tse Bing Fa..........need i say more. (I'm tired of explaining). I studied Sun Tse Bing Fa in secondary school on my own accord because I was thinking of ways to win certain games such as starcraft and warcraft. Never was i out to do business or politics shit like that.


Now i know why my blog entries have such poor grounding sequences. Back to me.

I was no stranger to arguing with school authorities. I think i was sick and perverted in a kind of way, that thruout primary school(5 times), secondary school(twice), jc(twice)....and many times in preschool. I must have been suffering from a lack of attention when growing up. I think there was once or twice when i broke rules purely for adrenaline rush(all that and more in my older blog), such as when ppl steal things just for that high. (winona ryder is hot! rmb seeing her in one of the earlier films i rmb watching on hbo a long time ago). I was quite the unconscious attention-seeker. Almost every teacher was somehow drawn to me, because i just couldn't give a fuck about academics. I made it look like, if they failed to put me in place, they would have failed as a teacher. If i could, i would write a post on 'Teacher Game' or something.(...jk)


But now, i didn't end up so badly. I have a university to go to. Unlike you jc kids out there, i'm not sure if university is even the right way to go.


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(some chemical, hormornoal, psychological, emotional imbalance disrupts)

This is totally contradictory. I will no longer be pushed around by anybody, anyone.
My parents are stupid pushers. But i'm no pushover. I hate to be a negative product of their negative upbringing, this is why i constantly reflect... Some of you out there have perfect understanding families. Mine is socially insecure, socially inadequate. They are retired, they do not have a single idea of what their lives are all about.

Have you read 'Rich dad, poor dad'? I've never read it. but i know enough to say that my father is the poor mediocre dad. Why this book resonates, reverberates amongst the masses?? Because only less than 1% of the ppl living on this planet is rich and wealthy. 10% has a sheltar above their heads. i forgot how many do not even have clean water to drink. Watch 'miniature earth'(i forgot if its called this) on youtube.

I am purely fortunate to be born in this age of the internet, 10 years after my bro and 14 years after my sister. Advice and resources are just in abundance off the net.

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Just to end if off here...and i've yet to explain my entry title. Its all here. I am taking yet another hiatus from blogging. Right, who gives a shit about whether this guy blogs or not.....

I feel like i have to make this personal commitment en-route to self-discovery. I realised, the ppl who do this, almost always kill off all their personal emotions and burdens. Do not let your friends tie you to the tracks. For the past one and a half-years i was unable to do so, because i was like an hacker, commiting the crime of curiosity, just endlessly hoarding knowledge and being lazy. I've certainly made immense improvements ever since day 1, i was focusing a lot on inner game this 1 and a half years. But i realised me calling it 'inner game' is a total lack of focus on the real deal. When experience is everything, and any and every experience will contribute to your inner game. I will not abandon my interests in music, art, film, knowledge, parkour and keeping fit. Its just inevitable that my emotions are pushing me towards this, the need for overexposure, self-discovery, social mastery.

I've been let down countless of times by others. It seems as if you are powerless, powerless to change anybody else....but YOURSELF.

My final verdict: Celebrities are to modern people what Gods and Idols were to the greeks and egyptians. If Leonardo Da Vinci and Albert Einstein could acheive so much within their limited lifespans of 28,251 days, we could do the same. The moment you were in the race through the fallopian tubes, you are in the race your entire existence.

Aleister Crowley, Sasha Grey, Mystery, Willy Wonka, all the people in VICE, Jimi Hendrix and everyone in the rock and roll era(rockstars fucked groupies every night), Sebastian Foucan......and everyone else out there who has acheived self-actualisation; some of you take drugs, do uncomfortable things, but led lives with no regrets.

I choose Paradise. This is my religion for a 19 year-old. I'll disappear for a long time.

I made a promise to a KTV hostess a long long time ago. That i'll become a totally different person if i ever see her again. She's a woman, which is what keeps us motivated. So wrong, it seems right.

My last words.............................................why am i even keeping it secret?......