Some ppl grow up to be submissives like that....i don't know how many of you watching this actually found any relevance as to why Steve jobs asked the guy if he was a virgin.... Steve got straight to the point that he simply was someone that stuck to convention, an average joe who could never break boundaries.....someone who couldn't get pussy.....
An about looking like someone from IBM.....IBM was the biggest(i think) computer company then...an like all big corporations its purely commercial, which lacked creativity, imagination and innovation...
therefore, virgin=average=loser
Saturday, February 27, 2010
PoSV - "Are you a virgin?"
Friday, February 26, 2010
A short little notification.
Haven't got much interest in talking bout my life lately. Things for me seems bright again.
My social anxiety has been at its lowest ever in life. Almost to the point of "WHO GIVES A FUCK ANYMORE"
Work is great. I feel like NEO in the Matrix...."i know you're out there, i feel you now.. i know that you're afraid....."..i understand every issue, and its like i can single-handedly solve all of Microsoft's problems.
On wednesday, i finally decided to settle down and start on that 'music stuff' which i've been just too lazy to stroke the past 2 years...after much pestering from shiping and perhaps....he and shiya have been intensely debating the issue, so i gotta do something about it. Rushed straight home, on wednesday to decide and rally my lieutenants and plan, this time seriously.
Thursday, we drafted a practise.
Today, got back to manage whatever.....string my guitar and the tuning peg broke. But the stars were kind enough to hold a Yamaha clearance sale tmr at clementi, so yes this time i'm pulling money out from my own pocket to fork for it.
I felt bad all this while, cos i'm constantly giving empty promises to everybody.
And as you can see...its been a long time since ive been like this. A state of zen. Where nothing is as lethargic or as orgasmic or that things don't matter.
Thinking of taking japanese classes too, for 2 reasons.....its not just microsoft...its about greater employabilty..... having survived at the office in the past month have allowed me to see that not only is social dominance important, it is nothing without tools to make yourself indispensable..and also my interest of being that citizen of the globe.....(embracing some of that hippie free-love.)....and more diverse mating opportunities!....i've been there before, months back... lost in translation around kayoko...shall get my parents to fund this venture..
Money is still tight...still need money for the trips...damn!
My social anxiety has been at its lowest ever in life. Almost to the point of "WHO GIVES A FUCK ANYMORE"
Work is great. I feel like NEO in the Matrix...."i know you're out there, i feel you now.. i know that you're afraid....."..i understand every issue, and its like i can single-handedly solve all of Microsoft's problems.
On wednesday, i finally decided to settle down and start on that 'music stuff' which i've been just too lazy to stroke the past 2 years...after much pestering from shiping and perhaps....he and shiya have been intensely debating the issue, so i gotta do something about it. Rushed straight home, on wednesday to decide and rally my lieutenants and plan, this time seriously.
Thursday, we drafted a practise.
Today, got back to manage whatever.....string my guitar and the tuning peg broke. But the stars were kind enough to hold a Yamaha clearance sale tmr at clementi, so yes this time i'm pulling money out from my own pocket to fork for it.
I felt bad all this while, cos i'm constantly giving empty promises to everybody.
And as you can see...its been a long time since ive been like this. A state of zen. Where nothing is as lethargic or as orgasmic or that things don't matter.
Thinking of taking japanese classes too, for 2 reasons.....its not just microsoft...its about greater employabilty..... having survived at the office in the past month have allowed me to see that not only is social dominance important, it is nothing without tools to make yourself indispensable..and also my interest of being that citizen of the globe.....(embracing some of that hippie free-love.)....and more diverse mating opportunities!....i've been there before, months back... lost in translation around kayoko...shall get my parents to fund this venture..
Money is still tight...still need money for the trips...damn!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Incognito
Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.
4 minutes later:
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
6 minutes:A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
10 minutes:A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.
45 minutes:The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
1 hour:He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
The questions raised:
*In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*Do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.
How many other things are we missing?
(Courtesy of the email forwarded by Shiping.)
Friday, February 19, 2010
MY MANIFESTO
I don't just wanna be different. I don't want to be a bad boy.
I want to be amused. I want to show the world that boundaries could be broken.
I will be the devil in the eyes of all angels.
They will fear me, yet they can't resist.
I want all bystanders, observers to know that they can't just escape complexity and live that simple life.
You will have no space to run, no place to hide.
Cos ultimately, i want you to break your own boundaries.
Yes, I am that bad influence. I am too toxic for you. And it comes with consequences too heavy, be prepared to face.
Risk it all, to be FUFILLED
I want to be amused. I want to show the world that boundaries could be broken.
I will be the devil in the eyes of all angels.
They will fear me, yet they can't resist.
I want all bystanders, observers to know that they can't just escape complexity and live that simple life.
You will have no space to run, no place to hide.
Cos ultimately, i want you to break your own boundaries.
Yes, I am that bad influence. I am too toxic for you. And it comes with consequences too heavy, be prepared to face.
Risk it all, to be FUFILLED
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Interview
it was a great experience....great learning...
cognitive dissonance speaking "it was a good thing i didn't get the job, if not i would have assumed that i was delivering a flawless speech"
and i suspect evan was right about me.....i qualify myself way way way too much....
that seems way too desperate....should have disqualified...
to all the haters out there....you're right about me this time..
and prolly all she needed was a great emotion and confidence...
i didn't deserve it....
i hate to admit, but the reason i even felt sad was because of the blow to my ego.....ideally, nobody's opinion should have any value on how you see yourself....but its hard to acquire, unreactivity only comes with enough honing...
Sorry guys......i hate to be the deliverer of bad news all the time....i promise i promise i promise something good and juicy on the next entry!
cognitive dissonance speaking "it was a good thing i didn't get the job, if not i would have assumed that i was delivering a flawless speech"
and i suspect evan was right about me.....i qualify myself way way way too much....
that seems way too desperate....should have disqualified...
to all the haters out there....you're right about me this time..
and prolly all she needed was a great emotion and confidence...
i didn't deserve it....
i hate to admit, but the reason i even felt sad was because of the blow to my ego.....ideally, nobody's opinion should have any value on how you see yourself....but its hard to acquire, unreactivity only comes with enough honing...
Sorry guys......i hate to be the deliverer of bad news all the time....i promise i promise i promise something good and juicy on the next entry!
The Sims
I really don't think i can get any sleep...if i don't pour out all these garbage in my head...
ouch......why do i seek to protect my ego....its like..once you do it...your value drops like fuck...
there is no harm to harmless fun....reward ppl when they casts their egos aside....i just realised i punished ppl thinking that it makes me look alpha, but now i realise it looks insecure...esp, when the comments of bystanders should not even matter..all these comments are just testing for congruency...just let the pressure build endlessly on my turf....and suck it all up...
my ego here is not important...whats important is that i reach that final goal...
if you punish others, ppl might be afraid to express themselves in future.
excuse me ppl if i've hurt any of your feelings...at least be glad that i now know my mistakes...
i gotta stop validating myself too.....
also i got the clearer idea of, qualification, disqualification....and seeding(builds verbal commitments)...grounding sequences...
its just funny, how much rote learning guys have to go thru to understand this.....and hock chuan puts it correctly....."even if we become masters, we're still victims to the opposite sex...".......not all though, but some of them esp, their levels of awareness is so high, you just can't pull a fast one if you slip...
ouch......why do i seek to protect my ego....its like..once you do it...your value drops like fuck...
there is no harm to harmless fun....reward ppl when they casts their egos aside....i just realised i punished ppl thinking that it makes me look alpha, but now i realise it looks insecure...esp, when the comments of bystanders should not even matter..all these comments are just testing for congruency...just let the pressure build endlessly on my turf....and suck it all up...
my ego here is not important...whats important is that i reach that final goal...
if you punish others, ppl might be afraid to express themselves in future.
excuse me ppl if i've hurt any of your feelings...at least be glad that i now know my mistakes...
i gotta stop validating myself too.....
also i got the clearer idea of, qualification, disqualification....and seeding(builds verbal commitments)...grounding sequences...
its just funny, how much rote learning guys have to go thru to understand this.....and hock chuan puts it correctly....."even if we become masters, we're still victims to the opposite sex...".......not all though, but some of them esp, their levels of awareness is so high, you just can't pull a fast one if you slip...
Monday, February 15, 2010
Life's just great...... I couldn't let this moment go..
Its like...for a moment...you think your life is deep shit....feeling lonely and lethargic...
The next thing you know.....the world is a much better place...because your sights are set to the future, and all these amazing things that may happen are highly probable...suddenly just because a small part of you was tainted, doesn't mean i have to woe...when all else seems bright...and maybe...it took a fall to truly grasp onto what is really important to me...
hopefully, this is not a matter of 'cognitive dissonance'.....i hope i say all these and actually mean it this time..
its weird how these little things can inspire me
ppl came forward and told me about all these amazing ideas that they have...and i hesitated not a second, i do not doubt their words one bit....their spirit and enthusiasm reflected my own, what i had felt for such a long time......we're all in the same boat....this one big world, with everyone of us, lost in this labyrinth of uncertainty..."all the roads that lead you there are winding, and all the lights that light the way are blinding...."
sometimes...no matter how much we've aged...we all know we want to relive our youth....(i'm only becomeing 21 this year..)....and at this age....its still okay to talk about stupid dreams until you turn 25...
who would have known that the most important advice given to me...would be by a entreprenurial malay prata man......."the more you give, the more you get..".like shiping would critisise this, and meant it like it was a 'self-fufilling prophecy'....well it may be...but now, you got 2 hypotheses to prove...and a part of pua did talk about...being proactive...and about giving value then receiving...it doesn't hurt to give...and about how much you could improve the lives of others....with that end in mind, it justify the means which sometimes may be unpleasant to others...
...blah blah blah..
Its like...for a moment...you think your life is deep shit....feeling lonely and lethargic...
The next thing you know.....the world is a much better place...because your sights are set to the future, and all these amazing things that may happen are highly probable...suddenly just because a small part of you was tainted, doesn't mean i have to woe...when all else seems bright...and maybe...it took a fall to truly grasp onto what is really important to me...
hopefully, this is not a matter of 'cognitive dissonance'.....i hope i say all these and actually mean it this time..
its weird how these little things can inspire me
ppl came forward and told me about all these amazing ideas that they have...and i hesitated not a second, i do not doubt their words one bit....their spirit and enthusiasm reflected my own, what i had felt for such a long time......we're all in the same boat....this one big world, with everyone of us, lost in this labyrinth of uncertainty..."all the roads that lead you there are winding, and all the lights that light the way are blinding...."
sometimes...no matter how much we've aged...we all know we want to relive our youth....(i'm only becomeing 21 this year..)....and at this age....its still okay to talk about stupid dreams until you turn 25...
who would have known that the most important advice given to me...would be by a entreprenurial malay prata man......."the more you give, the more you get..".like shiping would critisise this, and meant it like it was a 'self-fufilling prophecy'....well it may be...but now, you got 2 hypotheses to prove...and a part of pua did talk about...being proactive...and about giving value then receiving...it doesn't hurt to give...and about how much you could improve the lives of others....with that end in mind, it justify the means which sometimes may be unpleasant to others...
...blah blah blah..
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Lessons Learnt
ok...i had decided that i was going to catch up on some sleep after just gotten back from james's(omg, is this the way to puntuate a name ending with S?) place....i turned on some Prodigy because it was spinning in my head since i woke up, and now i'm all erect!
Graham and Richard was able to, and they're right as I've always believed....that they could easily open up anybody they wanted to.
Please excuse me though, most of the emotional high from last night and this morning had dissipated and i'm just trying to recall some of these thoughts...
I was expecting the unpleasant kind of company and vibe....i gotta admit....i did finally decide to go because here are a group of ppl that i've spend my 2 years with and never really gotten to know much or bothered at all....i felt like i should at least revisit that small part of my life that had been reduced to ash..
it was a long time since i met all of them...prolly a year or more....
and it was weird...it did felt like i was revisiting a past of myself....OH GOD....whys everybody so uptight?......nothing has changed....i did make a little effort to push for some 'arousal' using some 'foreplay'.....but i'm guilty of it too cos soon i just gave up...
"For every man I meet who wants to indulge in casual sex, I meet five who want to become better men. That's not to say that the two are opposed - many men can only achieve their desire by passing through it's opposite." - Christian Hudson
gonna head out for reunion dinner soon...but i hate chinese new year.......i just got to tolerate the entire ordeal..the reunion dinners, and the family visits...OMG.....i can't stand iT! FUCK!... and all the shops are close, like in 28 days later...town will be dead...and things will cease to exist for the next 3 days...FUCK!
stupid world...
Graham and Richard was able to, and they're right as I've always believed....that they could easily open up anybody they wanted to.
Please excuse me though, most of the emotional high from last night and this morning had dissipated and i'm just trying to recall some of these thoughts...
I was expecting the unpleasant kind of company and vibe....i gotta admit....i did finally decide to go because here are a group of ppl that i've spend my 2 years with and never really gotten to know much or bothered at all....i felt like i should at least revisit that small part of my life that had been reduced to ash..
it was a long time since i met all of them...prolly a year or more....
and it was weird...it did felt like i was revisiting a past of myself....OH GOD....whys everybody so uptight?......nothing has changed....i did make a little effort to push for some 'arousal' using some 'foreplay'.....but i'm guilty of it too cos soon i just gave up...
and at the end of the day, yep it all boils down to the one who has the most dominant frame...when you're dealt with someone with an uptight frame...chances are you're already past that stage, and inevitably you're going to win, unless you're trying to open up all of them....
this i think i'm still quite an amatuer at......i'm yet as good as those i aspire to be...i still cannot affect the change in others, though i can help myself...
yesterday did turn out great, and there were a few others who took initiative to run the show..i just had to put my 2 cents worth...and the momentum was there.. i'm sure everyone enjoyed themselves and felt special yesterday..
and i did felt like hugging everyone when i left....but i didn't try to break their reserve at all...maybe i should have...but well..what little insecurity that had existed stopped me...
i came to a conclusion that...hug and kiss closes, shouldn't be a tactic or technique at the end of one's repertoire....i realised that...instead, i owe it to ppl...
well, though not everythings bright sunny fair and windy....i am losing battles at some fronts..
but as any enthusiast would like the world to know, "this is not the end, it is only the beggining"
i can see my golden prospects sparkling before me...peeking at me from the edge of the horizon....excuse me for being so corny, but i'm sure everyone has had that feeling of rejuvenation feeling each time they stepped out and succeeded..."For every man I meet who wants to indulge in casual sex, I meet five who want to become better men. That's not to say that the two are opposed - many men can only achieve their desire by passing through it's opposite." - Christian Hudson
gonna head out for reunion dinner soon...but i hate chinese new year.......i just got to tolerate the entire ordeal..the reunion dinners, and the family visits...OMG.....i can't stand iT! FUCK!... and all the shops are close, like in 28 days later...town will be dead...and things will cease to exist for the next 3 days...FUCK!
stupid world...
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
RAT RACE
before i go on my mad dash.........i gotta just take a moment to reflect on.......
oh wait...let me go complete an email before i get back....zzzz...
ok....phew.....life just threw me a curveball....and i don't know if i'm biting more than i can chew...
plan this plan that get this get that acquire this acquire that go here go there....
sometimes you get tired...and just want to stop chasing...
as much as i love to whine, i know you guys hate to listen.
So bleh!
I just hope everything will turn out well, cross my fingers and pray, that i'll get that summer job in the US..
oh wait...let me go complete an email before i get back....zzzz...
ok....phew.....life just threw me a curveball....and i don't know if i'm biting more than i can chew...
plan this plan that get this get that acquire this acquire that go here go there....
sometimes you get tired...and just want to stop chasing...
as much as i love to whine, i know you guys hate to listen.
So bleh!
I just hope everything will turn out well, cross my fingers and pray, that i'll get that summer job in the US..
Sunday, February 7, 2010
LOVE IS BLIND WHAHAHAHAHA
suddenly i realised the irony of things wahahahaha
thank you facebook for enlightening me.....
i was blinded!!!!!! not as in daredevil kinda way(that made him more aware).....but.......can't find it anymore..
i neglected so many things that could have catapulted my life further...was thinking of the could haves, and have beens if i had grasped onto all the other opportunities and realised just how deep my obsession was at that point of time...
life is really like Choose Your Own Adventure....there are so many options at any given time, that you should explore the other options..and not be clouded by the present...
I went agianst my mantra....i was living in a fish tank the past week.......just that fear of losing puts me off in the wrong direction.......
i watched imaginarium yesteday....and the devil and dr parnasses had mortals choose between an opportunity to right their wrongs... but...some ppl always run away from it..or make the cowardly decisions..and the devil wins....
more on the 'fish tank'...... its some concept that i have about social life the past 2 years...after having heard "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd....i've shared with many ppl before...and its hard to live it....to live life to a new perspective is basically having to baptise yourself...cleanse and rid of your old habits and processes....which cannot be done overnight......like smoking or yoga or whatever fuck, you gotta pick it up gradually...
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.....year after year..."
like your life is always about the ppl you already know...and you're never open to the idea that you might just meet someone new tmr....like a fish tank as compared to the oceans with unseen opportunities..
the ppl that you already know and have met today..don't matter as much as the ppl that you're going to meet tomorrow.....it sure feels like this when you're working in a bar, or at sales...where theres no point spending time convincing a customer who is overly insecure about whether to buy....in this case you might as well move on to the next customer.....its all about efficiency (time is money) and screen customers straight away... for e.g those who enter....who walks straight to whatever they are looking for..instead of browsing around.......the customer is gaming you by being hesitant....
but i guess once you start pushing yourself to be a social being, this momentum is easily built......
just the other day...i totally threw out my usual belief of developing social proof, preselection and scarcity simply because iwas too impatient and desperate....i was exactly like pixie who could not think straight when tempted with food before her face...i felt so stupid when i realised so many ways that i could have played the game...my dominance was also pathetic...yes it was strong, but i was a result of reactivity and not passive....i could have been cold as stone....warmth and friendly yet unreactive....i was pushing the vibe up(which at least was slightly helpful) and clinging on to social proof that i already had....could have just pulled in new characters into the play....
i even threw my wild card away that would have turn the tide...sigh.......
perhaps....club music is still too loud, and prevents me from thinking properly...i should club more often and develop some situational awareness there...
as shiping goes....."no one is cockblocking you....you're blocking your own cock.."
thats it today....will take a bus down to town to take a look at the fishes in the water...
thank you facebook for enlightening me.....
i was blinded!!!!!! not as in daredevil kinda way(that made him more aware).....but.......can't find it anymore..
i neglected so many things that could have catapulted my life further...was thinking of the could haves, and have beens if i had grasped onto all the other opportunities and realised just how deep my obsession was at that point of time...
life is really like Choose Your Own Adventure....there are so many options at any given time, that you should explore the other options..and not be clouded by the present...
I went agianst my mantra....i was living in a fish tank the past week.......just that fear of losing puts me off in the wrong direction.......
i watched imaginarium yesteday....and the devil and dr parnasses had mortals choose between an opportunity to right their wrongs... but...some ppl always run away from it..or make the cowardly decisions..and the devil wins....
more on the 'fish tank'...... its some concept that i have about social life the past 2 years...after having heard "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd....i've shared with many ppl before...and its hard to live it....to live life to a new perspective is basically having to baptise yourself...cleanse and rid of your old habits and processes....which cannot be done overnight......like smoking or yoga or whatever fuck, you gotta pick it up gradually...
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl.....year after year..."
like your life is always about the ppl you already know...and you're never open to the idea that you might just meet someone new tmr....like a fish tank as compared to the oceans with unseen opportunities..
the ppl that you already know and have met today..don't matter as much as the ppl that you're going to meet tomorrow.....it sure feels like this when you're working in a bar, or at sales...where theres no point spending time convincing a customer who is overly insecure about whether to buy....in this case you might as well move on to the next customer.....its all about efficiency (time is money) and screen customers straight away... for e.g those who enter....who walks straight to whatever they are looking for..instead of browsing around.......the customer is gaming you by being hesitant....
but i guess once you start pushing yourself to be a social being, this momentum is easily built......
just the other day...i totally threw out my usual belief of developing social proof, preselection and scarcity simply because iwas too impatient and desperate....i was exactly like pixie who could not think straight when tempted with food before her face...i felt so stupid when i realised so many ways that i could have played the game...my dominance was also pathetic...yes it was strong, but i was a result of reactivity and not passive....i could have been cold as stone....warmth and friendly yet unreactive....i was pushing the vibe up(which at least was slightly helpful) and clinging on to social proof that i already had....could have just pulled in new characters into the play....
i even threw my wild card away that would have turn the tide...sigh.......
perhaps....club music is still too loud, and prevents me from thinking properly...i should club more often and develop some situational awareness there...
as shiping goes....."no one is cockblocking you....you're blocking your own cock.."
thats it today....will take a bus down to town to take a look at the fishes in the water...
Alamak
phew.....still feel shitty....come on.....let it end....give up give up give up....want to but can't....give up give up give up.... gonna watch some chauvinistic, misogynistic videos or film.....sure it'll work dude
Tongue tied
until i figured out why i'm so tongue tied i guess all these attempts are futile..
this is strangely unusual.....i have 6-7 conversations a day, with old friends, strangers, instant dates....i can go on for hours on ends about passions, relationships, social observations....
having long correspondences with ppl twice my age...(heee...thats only about 40).......
maybe its impossible to talk to someone who doesn't want your validation......perhaps there has to be attraction first.........
cos its just so pathetic, with the bad vibe bad framing......theres this psychological barrier that causes my tied tongue.....
i guess tmr, back to the drawing boards.....back to practise...a long and painful battle..........
somehow i think its all about framing, and self-confidence....i already deemed myself a loser in her eyes....thats prolly why..
this is strangely unusual.....i have 6-7 conversations a day, with old friends, strangers, instant dates....i can go on for hours on ends about passions, relationships, social observations....
having long correspondences with ppl twice my age...(heee...thats only about 40).......
maybe its impossible to talk to someone who doesn't want your validation......perhaps there has to be attraction first.........
cos its just so pathetic, with the bad vibe bad framing......theres this psychological barrier that causes my tied tongue.....
i guess tmr, back to the drawing boards.....back to practise...a long and painful battle..........
somehow i think its all about framing, and self-confidence....i already deemed myself a loser in her eyes....thats prolly why..
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Rehab
oh man...dumb move....i can't believe i just screwed it up like that.
fuck...didn't prep myself up for the fall...
so yep, i'm in pain right now.....give me 3 more weeks and all this will be over.
i can forget about seeing her again too
k enough
was thinking of calling a friend or just head out to town to sarge....but i guess...i should just face it now...get a good sleep..before it starts dragging everything down and destroy tmr
I'm going back to ctss alumni hope to see my old friends...maybe head down to clarke quay after that..to sarge...
can't believe it felt like i was suffering from a heart attack just 20 mins ago....hahahaha...i've never had this for such a long time...it sure must be hell to be a girl, where you feel like shit all the time where guy after guy, needy loser after needy loser lowers your defenses and makes you feel sucky and emotional...
hey this time, it was a bad sequencing again...and needy......the worst thing was, i wasn't even leading much at all... lack of logistics or rather.....couldn't dominate things the way i wanted it to.
in her eyes, and prolly all the rest, i know how pathetic i must have looked...losing all restraint because of a girl......learn it hard learn it well.....i would stab my heart again just so that i'll remember not to pursue a girl anymore but rather the reverse...
anyway, nothing in this world can treat lonliness, the only thing to live for is fun......and thats where i'm struggling and most of us are all struggling, no matter how much of a cheerful face we put out to the world, we are still as insecure and as alone as ever...and graham, alan, richard....you'll all agree with me....we know its elusive.
SARGING TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm gonna get bombarded tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for the sake of mental conditioning....NO more smoking! No more alcohol!
Good bye Shanise, and ppl say hi to a new me. :)
every failure brings me one step closer
and she was right about me too......i really really do......thats why i'm trying so hard these days.....i'm much too emotionally immature to be 21 years old......and thats why i'm going to the 21convention in orlando this JULY!!!!!!!!!!!
hmmm.....i'll give myself 1 week to get back on my feet
fuck...didn't prep myself up for the fall...
so yep, i'm in pain right now.....give me 3 more weeks and all this will be over.
i can forget about seeing her again too
k enough
was thinking of calling a friend or just head out to town to sarge....but i guess...i should just face it now...get a good sleep..before it starts dragging everything down and destroy tmr
I'm going back to ctss alumni hope to see my old friends...maybe head down to clarke quay after that..to sarge...
can't believe it felt like i was suffering from a heart attack just 20 mins ago....hahahaha...i've never had this for such a long time...it sure must be hell to be a girl, where you feel like shit all the time where guy after guy, needy loser after needy loser lowers your defenses and makes you feel sucky and emotional...
hey this time, it was a bad sequencing again...and needy......the worst thing was, i wasn't even leading much at all... lack of logistics or rather.....couldn't dominate things the way i wanted it to.
in her eyes, and prolly all the rest, i know how pathetic i must have looked...losing all restraint because of a girl......learn it hard learn it well.....i would stab my heart again just so that i'll remember not to pursue a girl anymore but rather the reverse...
anyway, nothing in this world can treat lonliness, the only thing to live for is fun......and thats where i'm struggling and most of us are all struggling, no matter how much of a cheerful face we put out to the world, we are still as insecure and as alone as ever...and graham, alan, richard....you'll all agree with me....we know its elusive.
SARGING TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm gonna get bombarded tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for the sake of mental conditioning....NO more smoking! No more alcohol!
Good bye Shanise, and ppl say hi to a new me. :)
every failure brings me one step closer
and she was right about me too......i really really do......thats why i'm trying so hard these days.....i'm much too emotionally immature to be 21 years old......and thats why i'm going to the 21convention in orlando this JULY!!!!!!!!!!!
hmmm.....i'll give myself 1 week to get back on my feet
Monday, February 1, 2010
NEVER BOW
I'll never bow down to pressure....this is what got me here in the first place..
You shall not hold me by the leash..
While you're just waiting, I'm onto the next.....
Lets just see how all this plays out, it'll never fail to surprise me.
You shall not hold me by the leash..
While you're just waiting, I'm onto the next.....
Lets just see how all this plays out, it'll never fail to surprise me.
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