soft skin
pretty eyes
nice legs
warm breasts
a woman's intuition
her nurturing nature
soft voice
the touch of her hand
beautiful hair
her want for a strong man
the way her body moves when dancing
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Pushing the Envelop
A little affirmation/mantra that i live by that drives my mind to do some ridiculous feats...(ridiculous in the context of conventional wisdom..)....is the highly uncontainable urge that spills over and envelops my mind until it becomes too great tat i have to seek and SEE the answer before my eyes... that need sometimes turns into a monster of desperation that tugs at my heart so hard it just becomes impossible to ignore..
it isn't just about quenching some intellectual puzzling bleh&@(*&# that stems from boredom.(well partly boredom.. and having too much time in my hands)....its also in an emotional, self-actualisation kind of way..
accepting 21 years of what the world and the general consensus perceives and allowing these social boundaries that never ever really existed but was propped up within the past few 100 years out of fear...the same fear that sheeps have...the mentality that the herd is always right, but almost always usually wrong..
Yes, I'm delusional. Somehow i feel like i'm amongst the league of Copernicus and Galileo....that the hardest part is not about accepting that Earth is not a flat disk but round, and that the sun is in the middle of the solar system. But convincing the rest of the world that the centuries of conventional wisdom in its entirety not merely plain pathetic but criminally wrong.
Quoting Will Smith..... "Being realistic is the most commonly travelled road to mediocrity"....that entering a room and flipping a switch so that the lights come on is UNREALISTIC.....that folding piles of metal into a cylinder that people sit in to be flown across the oceans is UNREALISTIC.....
My hope is that while the few of us do eventually excavate the liberties from the ignorance....hopefully the rest of mankind will slowly follow suit and grow to accept what a better world this could be..........................................or NOT......then it'll just be a better world for myself..*rubbing palms*.....all you ppl stuck in your little crevices....i'll just turn lead into gold in my very own basement.. o.O
Also, a big thank you to everyone who has supported me on this ongoing journey so far...you know who you are... and really, part of the reason that keeps me going is not to disappoint all of you...feeling like its an inseperable resposibility that i have to bear to lead the group... The irony about your ego is, that it could be your greatest obstacle and also your greatest motivational force.
Well, a simple example would be this. You see the hottest prettiest girl standing before you...
A) Don't approach her, don't get rejected, your ego never gets broken....your ego protects you by thinking "Oh well, i'm still quite a cool guy....what hot girl???"
B) I gotta do this, if i don't, i'm a pussy and a loser. I'm cool and this girl will be mine, now i just have to prove it. Your ego will never allow you, most importantly YOU to view yourself as a pussy or a loser or both.
And if you geeks out there need to know about the scientific explanation for this....
Dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical compound that triggers/maintains your learning and motivational systems. It provides an emotional feedback either positively or negatively with every action that you do. It rewards you with a positive emotion when you try something out for the first time and it delivers smoothly with no hiccups, you are motivated to do it again next time. The more you do it each time, positive emotions get triggered...the more it becomes a part of you. The inverse is also true, like cracking a lame joke and nobody laughs. You stop doing it. And thats how you learn, thru right or wrong.
Then again, all that above is within the sub-conscious...blah blah..our conscious mind has to be above all that and accept failure..blah blah...not repeating the same mistakes does not mean quitting entirely.
Don't give up. We, our egos seldom realise the quantum leaps that we make during the learning process until we discover a breakthrough(sort of like an orgasm...). What i mean is that, even though you've made vast improvements, your ego remains yet-to-be validated....until you actually reap the rewards.
Its like, when you invest $2000 in a stock, even though you see it grow in value each day, you never really feel like the money is yours, like you just threw some money away... until you finally sell it 5 years later, and you have $4000... you get to finally abuse it.
I shall end here, yet another long rambling post packed with all the juicy fruity goodness!
-----------------------
"I just found out theres no such thing as the real world, just a lie you've got to rise above." - John Mayer
it isn't just about quenching some intellectual puzzling bleh&@(*&# that stems from boredom.(well partly boredom.. and having too much time in my hands)....its also in an emotional, self-actualisation kind of way..
accepting 21 years of what the world and the general consensus perceives and allowing these social boundaries that never ever really existed but was propped up within the past few 100 years out of fear...the same fear that sheeps have...the mentality that the herd is always right, but almost always usually wrong..
Yes, I'm delusional. Somehow i feel like i'm amongst the league of Copernicus and Galileo....that the hardest part is not about accepting that Earth is not a flat disk but round, and that the sun is in the middle of the solar system. But convincing the rest of the world that the centuries of conventional wisdom in its entirety not merely plain pathetic but criminally wrong.
Quoting Will Smith..... "Being realistic is the most commonly travelled road to mediocrity"....that entering a room and flipping a switch so that the lights come on is UNREALISTIC.....that folding piles of metal into a cylinder that people sit in to be flown across the oceans is UNREALISTIC.....
My hope is that while the few of us do eventually excavate the liberties from the ignorance....hopefully the rest of mankind will slowly follow suit and grow to accept what a better world this could be..........................................or NOT......then it'll just be a better world for myself..*rubbing palms*.....all you ppl stuck in your little crevices....i'll just turn lead into gold in my very own basement.. o.O
Also, a big thank you to everyone who has supported me on this ongoing journey so far...you know who you are... and really, part of the reason that keeps me going is not to disappoint all of you...feeling like its an inseperable resposibility that i have to bear to lead the group... The irony about your ego is, that it could be your greatest obstacle and also your greatest motivational force.
Well, a simple example would be this. You see the hottest prettiest girl standing before you...
A) Don't approach her, don't get rejected, your ego never gets broken....your ego protects you by thinking "Oh well, i'm still quite a cool guy....what hot girl???"
B) I gotta do this, if i don't, i'm a pussy and a loser. I'm cool and this girl will be mine, now i just have to prove it. Your ego will never allow you, most importantly YOU to view yourself as a pussy or a loser or both.
And if you geeks out there need to know about the scientific explanation for this....
Dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical compound that triggers/maintains your learning and motivational systems. It provides an emotional feedback either positively or negatively with every action that you do. It rewards you with a positive emotion when you try something out for the first time and it delivers smoothly with no hiccups, you are motivated to do it again next time. The more you do it each time, positive emotions get triggered...the more it becomes a part of you. The inverse is also true, like cracking a lame joke and nobody laughs. You stop doing it. And thats how you learn, thru right or wrong.
Then again, all that above is within the sub-conscious...blah blah..our conscious mind has to be above all that and accept failure..blah blah...not repeating the same mistakes does not mean quitting entirely.
Don't give up. We, our egos seldom realise the quantum leaps that we make during the learning process until we discover a breakthrough(sort of like an orgasm...). What i mean is that, even though you've made vast improvements, your ego remains yet-to-be validated....until you actually reap the rewards.
Its like, when you invest $2000 in a stock, even though you see it grow in value each day, you never really feel like the money is yours, like you just threw some money away... until you finally sell it 5 years later, and you have $4000... you get to finally abuse it.
I shall end here, yet another long rambling post packed with all the juicy fruity goodness!
-----------------------
"I just found out theres no such thing as the real world, just a lie you've got to rise above." - John Mayer
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Missing Piece...
i bump into an old friend earlier..and soon we got on the topic about relationships/fucking around..
it brought me back to the question that was haunting a few weeks prior to recent events...until i lost myself in the after-high recently....but now it came back..
a big part of it is still "honesty" and how much you can come to grips with your own faults and exposing it to the ppl around you..esp to the ones who needs to accept you.
-------
Then again, it is true that the above is a decision finally everyone has to and must make...
there are ppl who have crossed that mark and ppl who have not...and for me, do i need to do this now????
almost everyone that i've spoke to has pressured me to go this way...perhaps they are all right..
but i have no rational answer to this other then i just want to linger in the "transit terminal"....i just don't want to.
others have even said "This will make you happy, and you know it...why don't you want it?" it almost bear huge resemblance to the topic of God.. yes it would be better to have God, but i just don't want to submit my life to God...
for some reason i'm afraid...for some reason, ppl would sacrifice themselves to go to heaven and reach the final goal, while i'm still holding on to my worthless human flesh-suit...
settle?....nah..that day will come, but one does not go searching for it....
somehow, some part of me still crave the challenge...settling would make me happy i guess..but for me to even call it "settling down" is a misconception...and so i'm rambling and going in circles
i'm still bored, and i still don't know what i want, and i just want to fuck around...(again, as long as i am honest..)
such is the depth of my denial....knowing the truth, but not wanting to change. which is reality?
with women and relationships, investments, health.. there is no finish line... there is no settling down...you still have to keep working to make marriage and a long term relationship work..exciting, passionate...etc
no amount of sex, money, children..and something as elusive a "love"....can ever make us happy...yet that doesn't stop our instinctive natures from chasing after these...its a conspiracy of the universe....live like a monk.
Even when we know the truth, it still doesn't stop me from pursuing love. And the whole of mankind suffer from a great cognitive dissonance altogether..
--------------
"It was not only that I could not become spiteful, I did not know how to become anything; neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect. Now, I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot become anything seriously, and it is only the fool who becomes anything." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
it brought me back to the question that was haunting a few weeks prior to recent events...until i lost myself in the after-high recently....but now it came back..
a big part of it is still "honesty" and how much you can come to grips with your own faults and exposing it to the ppl around you..esp to the ones who needs to accept you.
-------
Then again, it is true that the above is a decision finally everyone has to and must make...
there are ppl who have crossed that mark and ppl who have not...and for me, do i need to do this now????
almost everyone that i've spoke to has pressured me to go this way...perhaps they are all right..
but i have no rational answer to this other then i just want to linger in the "transit terminal"....i just don't want to.
others have even said "This will make you happy, and you know it...why don't you want it?" it almost bear huge resemblance to the topic of God.. yes it would be better to have God, but i just don't want to submit my life to God...
for some reason i'm afraid...for some reason, ppl would sacrifice themselves to go to heaven and reach the final goal, while i'm still holding on to my worthless human flesh-suit...
settle?....nah..that day will come, but one does not go searching for it....
somehow, some part of me still crave the challenge...settling would make me happy i guess..but for me to even call it "settling down" is a misconception...and so i'm rambling and going in circles
i'm still bored, and i still don't know what i want, and i just want to fuck around...(again, as long as i am honest..)
such is the depth of my denial....knowing the truth, but not wanting to change. which is reality?
with women and relationships, investments, health.. there is no finish line... there is no settling down...you still have to keep working to make marriage and a long term relationship work..exciting, passionate...etc
no amount of sex, money, children..and something as elusive a "love"....can ever make us happy...yet that doesn't stop our instinctive natures from chasing after these...its a conspiracy of the universe....live like a monk.
Even when we know the truth, it still doesn't stop me from pursuing love. And the whole of mankind suffer from a great cognitive dissonance altogether..
--------------
"It was not only that I could not become spiteful, I did not know how to become anything; neither spiteful nor kind, neither a rascal nor an honest man, neither a hero nor an insect. Now, I am living out my life in my corner, taunting myself with the spiteful and useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot become anything seriously, and it is only the fool who becomes anything." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Mental Blank
i have nothing much to say other than this everlasting urge to write to keep this blog alive.
Perhaps within the past two weeks i've already rose to my highest peak, never before proven possible(besides claims and stories of others across the internet/books.....or have concrete evidence of seeing it happen until i accomplished it and found the answers for myself...
a feat like travelling alone to macau just pales in contrast to this....which is not as scary as ppl think..
when you think it is about proving to the world that they're wrong, its not that important really...validating your ego... as compared to realising that all that faith and hardwork of battles between you and your mind and emotions had paid off, and it wasn't to waste.
---------------
people come and go....and having strong beliefs in self-liberation and "free love"....i have contradicted myself all this while by offering ppl merely a glimpse of me, yet remaining sedate and letting them walk away...
Now, surely i can't have all of them...but its time i woke up from this stupor and GRAB
only the wimps never push it beyond the limits..no point casting it wide if i don't plunge deep.
all you lucky viewers, be prepared for something exciting...
Perhaps within the past two weeks i've already rose to my highest peak, never before proven possible(besides claims and stories of others across the internet/books.....or have concrete evidence of seeing it happen until i accomplished it and found the answers for myself...
a feat like travelling alone to macau just pales in contrast to this....which is not as scary as ppl think..
when you think it is about proving to the world that they're wrong, its not that important really...validating your ego... as compared to realising that all that faith and hardwork of battles between you and your mind and emotions had paid off, and it wasn't to waste.
---------------
people come and go....and having strong beliefs in self-liberation and "free love"....i have contradicted myself all this while by offering ppl merely a glimpse of me, yet remaining sedate and letting them walk away...
Now, surely i can't have all of them...but its time i woke up from this stupor and GRAB
only the wimps never push it beyond the limits..no point casting it wide if i don't plunge deep.
all you lucky viewers, be prepared for something exciting...
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