Rehab

oh man...dumb move....i can't believe i just screwed it up like that.

fuck...didn't prep myself up for the fall...

so yep, i'm in pain right now.....give me 3 more weeks and all this will be over.

i can forget about seeing her again too

k enough


was thinking of calling a friend or just head out to town to sarge....but i guess...i should just face it now...get a good sleep..before it starts dragging everything down and destroy tmr

I'm going back to ctss alumni hope to see my old friends...maybe head down to clarke quay after that..to sarge...


can't believe it felt like i was suffering from a heart attack just 20 mins ago....hahahaha...i've never had this for such a long time...it sure must be hell to be a girl, where you feel like shit all the time where guy after guy, needy loser after needy loser lowers your defenses and makes you feel sucky and emotional...

hey this time, it was a bad sequencing again...and needy......the worst thing was, i wasn't even leading much at all... lack of logistics or rather.....couldn't dominate things the way i wanted it to.

in her eyes, and prolly all the rest, i know how pathetic i must have looked...losing all restraint because of a girl......learn it hard learn it well.....i would stab my heart again just so that i'll remember not to pursue a girl anymore but rather the reverse...

anyway, nothing in this world can treat lonliness, the only thing to live for is fun......and thats where i'm struggling and most of us are all struggling, no matter how much of a cheerful face we put out to the world, we are still as insecure and as alone as ever...and graham, alan, richard....you'll all agree with me....we know its elusive.

SARGING TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm gonna get bombarded tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for the sake of mental conditioning....NO more smoking! No more alcohol!


Good bye Shanise, and ppl say hi to a new me. :)

every failure brings me one step closer

and she was right about me too......i really really do......thats why i'm trying so hard these days.....i'm much too emotionally immature to be 21 years old......and thats why i'm going to the 21convention in orlando this JULY!!!!!!!!!!!

hmmm.....i'll give myself 1 week to get back on my feet