Lessons Learnt

ok...i had decided that i was going to catch up on some sleep after just gotten back from james's(omg, is this the way to puntuate a name ending with S?) place....i turned on some Prodigy because it was spinning in my head since i woke up, and now i'm all erect!

Graham and Richard was able to, and they're right as I've always believed....that they could easily open up anybody they wanted to.

Please excuse me though, most of the emotional high from last night and this morning had dissipated and i'm just trying to recall some of these thoughts...

I was expecting the unpleasant kind of company and vibe....i gotta admit....i did finally decide to go because here are a group of ppl that i've spend my 2 years with and never really gotten to know much or bothered at all....i felt like i should at least revisit that small part of my life that had been reduced to ash..

it was a long time since i met all of them...prolly a year or more....

and it was weird...it did felt like i was revisiting a past of myself....OH GOD....whys everybody so uptight?......nothing has changed....i did make a little effort to push for some 'arousal' using some 'foreplay'.....but i'm guilty of it too cos soon i just gave up...

and at the end of the day, yep it all boils down to the one who has the most dominant frame...when you're dealt with someone with an uptight frame...chances are you're already past that stage, and inevitably you're going to win, unless you're trying to open up all of them....

this i think i'm still quite an amatuer at......i'm yet as good as those i aspire to be...i still cannot affect the change in others, though i can help myself...

yesterday did turn out great, and there were a few others who took initiative to run the show..i just had to put my 2 cents worth...and the momentum was there.. i'm sure everyone enjoyed themselves and felt special yesterday..

and i did felt like hugging everyone when i left....but i didn't try to break their reserve at all...maybe i should have...but well..what little insecurity that had existed stopped me...

i came to a conclusion that...hug and kiss closes, shouldn't be a tactic or technique at the end of one's repertoire....i realised that...instead, i owe it to ppl...

well, though not everythings bright sunny fair and windy....i am losing battles at some fronts..

but as any enthusiast would like the world to know, "this is not the end, it is only the beggining"

i can see my golden prospects sparkling before me...peeking at me from the edge of the horizon....excuse me for being so corny, but i'm sure everyone has had that feeling of rejuvenation feeling each time they stepped out and succeeded...

"For every man I meet who wants to indulge in casual sex, I meet five who want to become better men. That's not to say that the two are opposed - many men can only achieve their desire by passing through it's opposite." - Christian Hudson


gonna head out for reunion dinner soon...but i hate chinese new year.......i just got to tolerate the entire ordeal..the reunion dinners, and the family visits...OMG.....i can't stand iT! FUCK!... and all the shops are close, like in 28 days later...town will be dead...and things will cease to exist for the next 3 days...FUCK!

stupid world...