I think My Heart has finally figured it out.

My heart beats not in fear, but in anticipation and excitement...

Evan told me about the red zone and it being the cause of fumbling.....i don't know...

Even though it may have happened before, it was the most evident yesterday, the 'red zone', where it doesn't hinder, but was more fun being in that state....maybe it would be better without it...its not a question of odds, but whether you're going to do it anyway...

It wasn't the best set that i did...it wasn't the most ego-validating one either....but i had a heightend awareness of it all....

Me cp and jw was sitting at the tables outside of burger king at wheellock.....we were discussing about relationships in general the whole night before this while we were on our way here.....jw just being a good listener....me trying to change my way of putting thing across in more subtle ways...forcing myself to sound politically correct and also being that emotional tampon....and no longer smart-ass sounding...

this really tall(means hot) malay chick came down the steps and sat at one of the tables 10 metres away, under those burger king umbrellas on the other side(orange julius)....me cp and jw(nearer to starbucks)........

The cool thing about this ambience is, its at night....very dark...but the lights inside burger king was very bright...so there was a good glow... There was less ppl seated outside at burger king on this saturday as all the cool angmoh, mats, smokers, cliques were in the huge congestion outside starbucks....

ppl if you want a good place to emotionally connect....don't go starbucks....3 metres away is burger king...and it only consists of mostly single working professionals....no irritating paul twohill and levan wannabe fanbases....

Straight ahead 10 metres across....me and cp and jw...was here to chill for the night...but i just couldn't help it...ever since being on this.....not approaching deals a much bigger psychological blow later on than the initial 'immolation' of approaching...

My mind has decided the moment i saw her to do it...that usual rush of andrenaline always occurs when your mind decides to go for it......but then i couldn't just pop up and leave my friends...i kept to myself and silent.....10 seconds pass....30 seconds pass....i told them i'm not feeling well.....i sat there just taking the moment in.....i was actually enjoying this highly-anticipating moment.....

it isn't a matter of going up or not anymore...its a matter of how i'm going to tell my friends i'm going....."look at her, shes hot right..."......2 mins pass.....i'm still sitting there with my heart thumping yet i was still calm.....i was having fun, aware of all the physiological reactions that i was undergoing, yet it did not matter, i wasn't even going to run...

any moment now...any moment now.....5 mins pass....still i sat there....the guys could see me in my predicament...."AH FucK....see.... guys, i really got to do this....i can't not go up...."....cp was like.."oh ok...i got 10 mins to spare....i can wait..."

i stood up....and started walking towards her.....i knew it...doesn't matter what happens...this was the highest point of the night.....going towards what you want....replaying the mantra in my head that Steve Jobs said in the video i posted yesterday....


"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. - Steve jobs

thats it....everything that went on after that...was slightly bumpy...but overall smooth-sailing....