so...why the hell are most of you here reading this.....are you guys suffering impotency?....i sure feel like i'm impotent these days...or maybe we've been impotent the whole time, and not realise the emptiness of it all, until those awkward moments where you're about to get it on and fuck, you're face to face all naked, suddenly you lose that momentum....
i know for a fact that, most of you out there are living empty lives...doesn't matter if you have this grand economic stimulus plan...it is nothing but still a plan until you start living it.
for me? the least i'm trying right now, is to create and follow a routine.... and the hardest part, and you all know it, is the self-discipline to follow it and change whatever is it you hate, or create positive patterns....
heres a e.g of my routine..
- 1 book a week (i'm currently reading the book by khoo swee chiow, about his icy expeditions..)
- fag only having approaching 5 sets (i'm letting myself off too easily, its easy to hit 5, but its also hard to get started...of course i'll have to up the difficulty, but till then i just have to get started, or i can't touch myself)
- learn 1 song a week..(haven't practised for the past 6 months, but i have to learn like 4 or 5 songs by tmr...cos we're planning to jam tmr..)
- save $350 a month for the trip to Orlando, FL in july......(will i miss my uni matriculation/orientation?? don't give a shit man)
of course theres the checklist of goals that i have to obtain in every social interaction....more on that later...
Now, on my interpretation on Wizard of Oz....
Scarecrow - was rescued from a pole which he was tied onto by dorothy....wants a brain...in reality, he doesn't know that he was just made 2 days ago and was thus still ignorant...
thinks his stupid thus went on the quest in search of brains...
Tin Woodman - originally a man, but because he fell in love with witch of the east's maid that his axe was placed under a spelled that chopped his limbs off one by one....and continued to chop him up(go figure)......some guy saved him by constantly replacing his body parts with tin prosthetics until he was made entirely of tin, but neglected to replace his heart....
wants his heart, emotions back....and because dorothy lubed him up, thus agreed to go on the quest to regain a heart...
Cowardly Lion- Yeah, contrary to stereotypical lions being brave, as their known as 'king of beasts' he is able to feel fear, and thus believes that his fear makes him inadequate.....
however he does not understand that fear is innate and that courage is acting out in times of fear...
yeah its obvious where i'm leading to....brains, love, and courage or dominance are what i'm in search of too...its weird though, its popular belief that all these are mere characteristics of a person's personality which cannot be obtained....i mean the mere 'idea' of it is just ridiculous...saying its not them, they don't enjoy these and that, they don't like displaying attractive qualities of themselves or that they don't have any....that putting on nice clothes or putting make-up is not something they like to do or even not being able to step out of the house without make-up on......exercising or staying healthy is not part of their lifestyle?..
i know its rude to criticise certain 'dimensions' of seeing things...
moral of the story, the characters all possessed whatever they're looking for....just the intangible forms though, not the tangible brain, heart and courage...rather.....they obtained the faith in themselves thru various obstacles they met along the way.. which they didn't have so i guess the overarching principle is still faith...
------
The faith in that you're able to get whaat.......i'll leave that inspirational self-help, since we've all heard enough of it....but not taking any action..
this leads me to my 'impotency'.....i guess i now have a clearer picture of the differences between 'rapport', 'emotional connection', 'physical connection', 'social vibing', 'buying temperature' 'moxie-the ability to lead thru all this various states in interaction'........(this is an e.g of the checklist...)
i'm losing touch sometimes these days, not all the time but still sometimes....yeah i know what you're all going to say......that, "human chemistry can't be built...try too hard and you get salesperson vibe.."
and btw...that awkwardness..ah.....its scary.....one too many..but then again..don't blow yourself out...every interaction is rocky, just try to regain some of the momentum and start over...its always possible to recover.....its like a soccer match...its a draw by half-time, and everyone worries if its going to be a goal-less draw.....just go all the way to the end, you might just score a goal by stoppage time...or it could be you're down 2-0 by half-time....but thers always enough time to score 3 goals in 45 mins...just change your strategy..
No comments:
Post a Comment