Come on God! Do I Seem Bullet-Proof?!

yes that was a reference to a Red Hot Chilli Peppers song, fortune faded...

Its a line that i probably read only once, but its been carved into my mind ever since..

Everytime, one of these moments of emotional turmoil or unrest....the line never fail to pop up in my head.... I look up to the night sky and ask myself in 'emo first-person'...

The recent roller-coaster ride that i've embarked on, has painted colours into my life so fast, mtv-style that, i'm lovin' it, yet swings me about that i'm bound to be thrown off somewhere..

I guess with these colours flashing before my very eyes, i'm appreciating, slowly swallowing every bit of it, on hold and in control.


I wanna begin with first talking about my recent crush on Katy Perry which started about 15 mins ago....I feel i should go about telling this story backwards(haha...forgot which movie was it..)

I read articles about her last year on juice magazine, that she is an up-and-coming starlet....it was no until recent weeks that i started questioning my radio-friendly friends,

"Who is this person that sings 'Cos your hot n you're cold, you're yes and youre no, you're in and you're out, you're up and you're down. You're wrong when its right, its black when its white, we fight we break up, we kiss we make up.'?"

yeah...as usual, these catchy lyrics burst into my head fast and furious, i went on an uncontrolled spam of unearthing searches on her songs on youtube.....

her lyrics and videos, Hot 'N' Cold, I Kissed a Girl, Thinking of You, made me stood up immediately (hehe, i know what you're thinking).... her answers were what i was looking for from a girl's perspective and it was so relevant..

(i searched 'boyfriend destroyers' much earlier....lol)

read her up as usual on wikipedia....like i did for leslie feist, katie white, leighton meester, sophie marceau, sienna miller, lin chi ling, cai shu zhen, sasha grey, jesse jane, maria ozawa...WAHAHA.....XDXDXD....and not to be tacit but well she is nothing short of interesting....and listening to her emotionally-fuelled songs from her album that i just illegally downloaded...

"Dear Katy Perry,

maybe we're not going to ever bump into each other this life, maybe i'll never even get the chance to say hi, let alone unleash a flurry of routines.....i truly cherish your presence in this industry and brought the colours in my life into something of a much thicker shade...Thanks for the female perspective without being hardcore feministic....

Young teenage girls should idolise you and put PussyCatDolls to the trash.

I'm emotionally-connected, indebted to you...

-Zachery Pang Ziqi "



I'm in Love yet again.....in the more naive, more selfish and less selfless sense of the word....

At least i realised now, that love is really tangible...in that besides being a less than elusive emotion,i learnt about myself, and those i chose to fall in 'neediness' with....

I realised that for myself......and assuming that evolutionary theory is true, i'm speaking on behalf of human males... We're only in 'Love' with those that validate our ego the most..we pay the most attention to the girls who make us feel good with ourselves(they are not necessarily pretty)....guys are really insecure..and if a girl tells us that we're some guy that they'll like to spend their entire lives with....a guy probably doesn't have a choice...we would probably marry her, pass on our genes and be happy. In this case, evolution and natural selection has only a limited extent of influence in the human race, and that we are ruled by emotions after all..

Reality is ugly, so is being an ugly or fat girl, you don't have to worry....guys will still give their heart and soul to you if you know how to play the game.

(gonna speed up the process, i gotta meet my friends for a movie, 'Whatever Works', a 'dude-flick' disguised as a 'chick-flick' go check out the trailer on youtube)

And girls, and only concerning those that display at least a slight interest in me..... They assume and ending up making me up to be somebody, well that i'm really not....some fairy-tale, or some guy they want to be swept away by, but i've always failed miserably and turn out to be that uglier half, which is the needier, binding wires sort....Such assumptions by them i assume could be due to some behaviors that i portray of my 'ideal, perfect' self that i'm still struggling to become....the dhvs or emotional value similar to those present in pop-culture....

Like for e.g this stupid english accent that i've developed for myself in primary school....or being emo and irrational...i will talk about my idiosyncrasies the other day.....

In this case, advice such as "Fake it till you Make it." actually works, just that you gotta practise it till you get a certain degree of congruency.....one's gotta believe it to be really congruent or ppl could easily spot a fake....and that's where inner game comes in.....

Boyfriends and girlfriends?....i have a phobia of relationships now, though it is inherent in nature...i also see the ugly side that ppl get too comfortable and do not want to get someone of better 'quality'.....like the really beautiful woman in her late 30s deciding to settle down because she knows that her beauty won't last...and that she cannot trade her present boyfriend for someone more exciting...as much as ppl want to believe that their relationships are perfect, we all know that it is strife with insecurities and distress..

Also, does that exciting boyfriend really exist? or just another facade...

Yet, from the other side, We love to live in our fantasy worlds in that a large part of it do still remain in fantasy but it does interfere with our decision making..

ok...i'm quite distracted now, so neither do i want to degrade the quality of this post.......as usual....these ramblings seldom comes with a conclusion, and i hope it sparks some reflection of your own..

Nothing is absolute. I may be wrong, as I made my observations from my approaches and the targets and my past experiences.....add one to one...does it really add up?...

do not hesitate to critique on the comments below what i just said....i really want to hear a voice that is not as naive, cynical as mine...


" I can't help it..."
-Ziqzak