This week, i saw my life flashed past my eyes..in an instant, i saw what were all the things that went wrong with my life, that i was doing wrong... it was painful, but like all lessons that had to be learnt, pain was necessary....
and at a point when i was immensely lost and confused... i would have easily made the wrong decision and fall into the abyss for many years and not be able to deal with it....i was lucky i came out alive... i was lucky she patiently stood by my side long enough for me to come to my senses..
Something she said struck me...."that guys want girls around to boost their ego"...conventional wisdom, yes.... but hearing it from someone else telling you that you had a problem, that was a lot different..
i was rushing too fast into things...i thought being fast was being efficient, i expected instant results....but, it was all just an effort to validate my personal ego.. chasing empty sex... why was i so impatient in the past... why was i pushing things instead of just letting things develop..
even today, at lunch...for awhile, a small part of me was insecure....why was i worried? my ego was afraid of being crushed, and i went through the same pattern of chasing validation.. i made things awkward and she could sense it.... until i snapped myself out of it.
yet, as corny as it seem, i finally understood that.... Love is not something to be rushed.... something that she had been trying so hard to tell me, but i ignored and led the both of us straight into disaster......
Love is not something to be rushed, to be impatient about...
Love is not about holding on to something, and throwing away everything else thats important..
Love is not blind... For me, it has only made things clearer
Not yet, but one day... against my wildest beliefs... i'll become that white knight in shining armor.
As long as we're willing to put in the effort to let it grow...it will blossom.
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