Listening to Machina II and thinking about how my life has past

Thanks to serchung for recommending this "lost" album by the smashing pumpkins, never commercially released (meaning no profits) but one of the most significant albums in the history of the band. Yep, indeed, music labels are blind and all bout the money, never the art... the last album where the original members made together before they broke up in 2000... Corgan went ahead to instruct his fans to distribute it online in 2000...

One day, i'll track down the story that corgan is trying to tell the world through his albums... but for now, back to myself... I guess, ppl have been wondering if i've lost my personal voice recently. But no.... cognitive dissonance or not... everyday is another day at self-exploration.... and taking things as it comes.

A greater sense of awareness, and a brand new journey with someone i'm willing to explore love and life with... Well, i have to admit....life never gets easier...life only gets harder. But its hard, not in the sense that its painful and unbearable, but in that it is growing more interesting and challenging each day...

I'm sorry i'm short of words these days... there is nothing more i want to say, other than the words i want to say to her.

The next few months will be a real challenge...being apart for a month..living it out, possibly toughing it out in europe for the next month...and having to train for a dance competition in july that i do feel is one of the most important personal milestones in my life...

Am i afraid??? yes... but just as much as how we're afraid that our lives will end suddenly before the next day...we just don't think about these things but have faith in the fruits that we may reap from the investments we've made and go ahead pursuing...

haven't travelled the world, haven't moved out...(soon, i hope)... but life's still great for a 21 y/o.....