Are people always this needy? If i'm like that, and i'm not any different from all the people here in this world, then such a unattractive quality that we are all predisposed of.
Why do i feel this way? not all the time, but i believe roughly 1/10 of the time. Even if 1/10 of the time, why does it make us weak. Being hungry doesn't make us weak, fear of death doesn't make us weak... How is this favourable for survival.
No one likes someone who comes to them wanting something from them. But we want something from them.
"wanting to get to know somebody" is just a pretense to "i want to fuck you"...or "i need your emotional validation"
and why do we not give emotional validation freely? because we are afraid that someone would continue being weak and would want MORE, till the point that you're unable to give.
Well, I googled.
"Women are devastated by failing relationships, says Nando Pelusi, Ph.D., while men flail more over unattainable relationships."
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200802/neanderthink-desperation-difference
Men get obsessed before they land a partner; women get obsessed after they find one.
Female vigilance is evident in a woman's tendency to test her partner at a relationship's start—acting coy or simply being wary of his intentions—and then get obsessive once committed.
Rationality is limited when dealing with the dictates of our passions, and sexual attachment—sanitized as love—is deeper than our dispassionate analysis.
A desire says, "I'd like to make this work because I really like and love this person—and I hope we click." A need says, "This relationship must work out, or else I'm a loser and I'll be single forever."
Men and women pursue and cling to inappropriate partners for far too long, because genes are not out for anyone's interests but their own.
The act of loving is what gives us fulfillment. Receiving love is nice—but it is not a necessity. Enjoy your pursuits, but refuse to believe that you can't be happy without that certain someone. We tend to be terrible judges of what will make us happy.—Nando Pelusi
Memo to Men
Be wary of your desire to pursue an idealized woman, maybe even an ex (idealized again, after an absence). Guys get needy for acquisition and pursuit. You're fantasizing about a perfect woman. That's OK. But if you want to get off that roller coaster of chronic disillusionment, remind yourself that your genetic legacy is to fool yourself before you're in, and then pull away once the woman is off the pedestal. Dante may have been intoxicated with Beatrice his whole life, but it was from afar. He never so much as kissed her. That makes for great poetry, but not great relating.
A Word to Women
Be cautious about your tendency to believe you need to make a relationship work at all costs; it's a taxing and corrosive path—and it rarely works. You may not consciously want children, but the emotional engine that has evolved among women is to be very cautious about sex—and then to get very emotionally involved once in the relationship. That means that you may have unwanted feelings of neediness only after a relationship has emerged. You can fight the idea that a particularly fraught relationship must work out.
This article above says it all, and WOW. Barnum effect at work maybe? Like horoscopes, maybe no one see any relevance in this article but me making sense of it.
Penelope, i understand the pain you went through this one and half years of hell. It far outweighs the pain of rejection i experienced in sheer volume during my courtship of you.
Every men and women have different motivations, different agendas. Our relationship was "nothing special" in the sense that it wasn't different from that of others. That it could be explained in an article, says alot... that we were blindly in pursuit, behaving accordingly to our "program".
Having just watched the first season of Game of Thrones has more effectively pointed out to me than any other content that apology, forgiveness and closure does not exist unless one takes his own life.
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