A life of trying

I've been thinking about it for sometime, whether i'm lazy and disorganized for a reason. Well, having analysed cultures and their idiosyncracies, traditions and rituals that perpetuate itself and stand the test of time mainly because it is not surpassed or its main objective is not accomplished by more efficient means and new methods.

I was beginning to wonder if my laziness was a physical manifestation to reinforce my chill/slack personality and "grunge".

If it is, what a bad attitude to have. I realised that if it was a habit, i would not have stuck to this self-deprecating cycle. But for me to even think this way, is also dangerous, it may hint at my acceptance, but also from a larger perspective, that if i want to change, i have to remould myself entirely.

The work-ethic that i lack, and i'm trading that to appear not-try-hard? If this is the case, its worst, because its a state of denial. Working just enough to appear talented but not enough to totally succeed, but denial in the sense that i'm still working.

Luckily, SMU apart from having piled on me an neverending channel of work, it has also allowed me to open my eyes to more successful personalities out there, compare, adopt and also less time to multitask, but to focus only on a few areas, and really force to decide between what activity derives maximum utility.

gotta step out of it and OWN SOME GAIMZ!

gotta step out of my ego, step out of my skewed unconscious internal reality, acknowledge the rewards of hardwork, and OWN SOME GAIMZ!