Starting off in a blog entry, ala stream of consciousness is never difficult to anybody... And it comes easier as you elevate yourself onto a pedestal and believe that whatever comes out from the top of your head will be gold.
I have neglected an aspect of my life that i've worked really hard for 2 years in the past to built, an inner core that exemplifies sincerity, enthusiasm, passion and flirtatiousness... Strange that as these neural pathways aren't activated as often these days, its difficult to get them fired up again.
To be your 'ideal' self, you got to live it every moment, you got to challenge and scrutinise every puny insecurity, and it starts with those that you care least about or the things that especially don't "matter".
These days, i associate myself with this boring, lifeless sympathy that doesn't have that energy beaming from the inside. And the excuses i tell myself are obvious, that i do not need a social life, for i have a girlfriend and academic success to pursue.
This is sad, its been one too many times when i just took the easy way out, hoisting me back once again into mediocrity.
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